Despacito

That is how this show plodded along...verrrry slowly..
We were given a play by play by Rachel. She is not wearing her ring? What? but the Jimmy Kimmel preview says that Rachel will appear with her fiance..sooo..I knew she picked one suitor.


We pick up the show when Peter has the FOD..despite her reservations ..that he won't propose..she gives him the FOD card. He accepts. Was their fantasy suite a hostel? When Peter walks in he says "this is super cute". Rachel doesn't give a crap about cute..she wants clarity by day break.

All I learned from the FOD is that Peter has a rather large tattoo on on of his shoulders. Dont' think he's changed his mind about the proposal. And why did Rachel feel like she needed to walk out in her robe and slippers in the middle of the street to say goodbye.

Next we have Brya(w)n
Bryan grates on me. If I had a shot every time he used the word confident...I'd be about 800 calories in and unable to type this rose report.
Bryan kinda feels like he's in a dream.  I think he thinks he's a legend in his own head...it's like he's read a lot of terrible romance novels. He is astute enough to know that Rachel is not her usual giddy self with him...Peter's all up in her head..They talk about it..he knows she's having a stressful week..but I feel like he's trying to say..hey...it's me ...Rico Suave Bryan...remember charming Spanish me??
He takes the FOD card..their room looks a bit better than Peter's..they are eating strawberries in bed.

Rose Ceremony
Feelin' all sassy and Spanish..she wears a red dress and black underwear with spikey glittery appliques. We all know that Rachel is transparent about her feels on getting a proposal..but the dress is also super transparent.
Eric gets the good bye...I think Eric's definition of leather shoes includes sneakers..'cause he wore his white Addidas to the rose ceremony. She tells him..he loves him but is not in love with him.
Huh? I don't get the difference? Is there a difference?

Oh and she also states she is in this to win it. I mean to get a proposal..and she shoots Peter a look. In case he wasn't abundantly clear. She wants a ring on in in Rioja.
She lets Eric go...Eric says he'll always love her. I love Eric..but I"m not in love with him:)

When she walks back..Bryan goes in for a hug...then Peter..then they all awkwardly cheers to...ummm...to something..i'm not sure what.

Eric then comes onto the show...he's lovely. He asks Rachel "how's your heart?" and he thanks Rachel for putting love in his heart...Ah Eric..it was always there...he really should watch Wizard of Oz.  Eric also wore black leather shoes and a cute little flower on his lapel. Looking sharp Eric.

Final dates.
We pan to Peter...who is writing something..likely very brief in his tiny moleskin journal.
Bryan gets the first final date..(does that make sense). Appropriately, they are going for a hot air balloon ride. Apparently Rachel likes to get lifted by hot air...the four people who are awake in the village say hello to them...
They go back to his room..and he gives her a dictionary of words like spouse and forever. And he tells her that if he doesn't get chosen he'll be heartbroken.
This guy is too much...but not enough...

Peter
They wore matching colour...they both wore olive. She's still unsure if Peter will give olive himself to her..hahahahaha..
She is going hardcore..she's wearing camo and brings him to a monastery and a monk speaks with them about marriage and the big picture.
Then they head back to Peter's..where there is the age old question. Will Peter propose to Rachel. I was so confused. Peter doesn't feel ready to propose. Rachel doesn't want a boyfriend..Peter says he doesn't want this to end..then it sounds like he would propose if that meant she woudl stay..but Rachel doesn't want him to do something he doesn't want. So then he says she'll have a life of mediocrity if she doesn't pick him. Well that was bold...But we have had the whole season of Mr. El Romantico say how el confidente he is. So I was good with Peter's sass. And the guy is saying he needs more time...so does she just want to secure a Neil Lane diamond...I don't get her. What Rachel wants is for Peter to propose...because he wants to and Rachel wants him to, but Rachel doesn't want to have to tell him it's what he wants.
Thsi was tiring...but Peter stuck to what he wanted..and so Rachel and Peter walk out...and I think they broke up....and she walks out of the hotel and it's raining...ahh...pathetic fallacy. Rioja is crying over the breakup. And Peter is so hot..that he removes his sweater.

Now in comes Peter to the studio live. Rachel is rude to him....she says she's living her best life...and she patronizes him and tells him the way he is is good..and the show isnt' for him..I really hope he's the next bachelor..And Rachel cared about him so much she cried her eyelashes off..and apparently they stayed in the hallway for two days...Ewww...that's some perezoso cleaning staff in Rioja. I'm so happy for Peter that he didn't relent...who would want to be forced into an engagement. ugh.

Now..on to the conclusion of this love story...
Now Rachel is saying..maybe she's rushed everything..so will she let Bryan propose.
Bryan chooses a tear drop shaped (foreshadowing?) diamond...and he's ready.
He drives up and Rachel is waiting in the wind for him..
There's all kinda hot air blowing. Everything is whipping around except the rose. What was with that dress slit? that was the highest slit i've ever seen. Oh and by the way...he's feeling confident.
He says his piece...Rachel starts off saying she's confused..i'm thinking she was going to pump the brakes on the engagement. But no! She wants him...He proposes..she accepts...and does a little dance when he is down on one knee. Rachel gets what she wants...a proposal....and a lifetime of back adjustments!!

Back to the live show..and Bryan re-proposes...they are soo excited to be together..Bryan is really excited to "show her off". Ugh.
They made it on the cover of people. And they are taking it slow..and getting to know eachother. Isn't that what Peter wanted too???

They are talking a winter wedding...but in the meantime..the town of Rioja is giving them a free trip there to visit!!! Maybe the eyelashes will be picked up by the time they visit.

Here's to Rachel not needing to seek out strong eyelash glue..and to a long and happy life for the both of them as esposo y esposa.!!!!

Until the next show...(and I hope it's Peter as Bachelor)
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This was a snooze-fest. Don't get me wrong,  I always look Mondays...but this episode just plodded along-almost needed a coffee.
Hometowns
Because of Rachel's pregnant sister, the hometowns happened before they went to Spain.
Why wasn't Rachel's dad at the hometowns? Does he not agree with this? Rachel's mom seems tough enough for both of them.
Constance's husband Alex wasn't as annoying as the last time he met Rachel and Nick, but there's this undercurrent of anger/rudeness that Constance and Alex have.

This may be my first rose report in bullet points
Peter

• ah....I remind myself of my mom when I write this..but I get why my mom always told me not to swing my arms so much when I walk...I don't get why Rachel swings her arm so much..or maybe she's flailing to keep balance when she's on heels...Rachel..I didn't like when my mom told me..but you gotta stop swinging your arms so much.
• before they head into Rachel's parents' large, fancy house, he says he's falling in love with her
• surprise! she's falling in love too..(but she was also falling in love with Dean last week)
• Peter gave a soliloquy at the dinner table where he outlined his journey, how he has taken time to develop with Rachel. This shut the Linsey family down for questions.
• Peter said he couldn't ask Rachel's' dad for her hand in marriage..but that he wasn't at the stage, Ugh...the mom is right there...the mom is also a parental representative. how archaic.
• Rachel's mom says she speaks for Rachels' father when she liked his honesty. For the record..I like it too..if the dude isn't ready to propose why do it? Because Rachel decided she wants a marriage at the end of this. Seems so weird to predecide that you are going to get married. The only things i totally predecide is what items I'm getting at the Sephora VIB rouge sale at 20% off. There is some serious thinking and list making involved for that.

Eric

• Like Rachel's journey:) i feel like my affection for Eric is building. 
• I'm still not sure if he just wants stability and is amazed with Rachel or if really is falling in love with her. Either way that guy is (insert 100 emoji here)...And I like that.
• Eric gets grilled about family, and that he's never loved anyone.They are all shocked.why? Maybe he was self aware enough to know he wasn't in love with someone before.
• Eric just seemed super present and so so real

Back at the house..Peter tells Eric he can't stand Bryan..somehow i'm like Peter a lot more..I feel the same way about Bryan. I don't get all this charm that Rachel sees. I see him a saccharin (artificially sweet) and when he said he got his doctorate. Yep. (eye roll)

Bryan

• the family grills Bryan. Bryan refers to Rachel as a pronoun instead of by her name. That annoys me. He annoys me. Use her name. 
• they move the dining room table where the meals are pre-served on a plate and 1/2 plate appears to be grains and not vegetables
• Bryan gets uncomfortable with the questioning and excuses himself from the table. He couldn't handle the el calor.
• He asks Rachel's mom for permission to marry her
• Hmmm...what is one nice thing I could say about him?? Oh!! he could translate Despacito for me!!

Spain
I'm looking at my watch and I'm thinking..how are they going to fit in 3 FODs? ( fantasy over night dates?). They don't. Grr.

Eric

• Helicopter ride.
• I think Eric yells out because he's nervous. He can't process those feels so I think he yells randomly. I should try that.
• I like Eric even more...he's all vulnerable and self-aware and lovely. 
• Go Eric.
• He gets the date card..he reads the card aloud. He thanks Chris Harrison. That was adorable.
• They have the FOD. 

Peter

• They go to a vineyard
• Rachel gets serenaded by the owner and the song does not translate well subtitled ...something about Americans and carnations .  Damn..how dare they talk about carnations on the Bachelor. It's likely a thorny issue on this show.hahahahahahaha
• They get a key.not to a fantasy suite..but to a locker with wine in it..and it's unclear what it's for. Do they keep all the wine? If Bryan was there he could translate.
• Rachel gets a flower from a random cute brunette girl. Brunettes are THEE cutest:) then all get led over to a big barrel and they stomp grapes.
• Back for the evening portion of the date..they have a weird conversation. Rachels doesn't see the engagement as marriage and Peter does..but Rachel didn't come here for a boyfriend. What is going on here? To me, it sounds like Rachel is trying to manipulate a proposal. So weird. I don't understand why they are at an impasse.

TO BE CONTINUED

Next week is MTA...I will be enjoying 24 K magic with the cutest nephew in the WORLD and he's way more mature than most men on that show.

Until two weeks from now!!!!
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!

What a gong show

Literally there was a gong show.
Besides that I'm spent...
I might have teared up 3 times. What's happening to me.

Eric
So we head up to the hood for Eric's date. Rachel keeps saying she's so nervous..really Rachel...now was she nervous about meeting the family...or the 'hood? Eric did point out a drug deal going down. Straight outta Baltimore. After the two play some bball and see one of  Eric's friends, they head out for some family time.
They are off to Eric's aunt's house. Verna. Verna is lively, engaged, eloquent and attractive. She's fabulous....She brings up the R word. That would be race..asking Rachel how's she deaing with pressure.
Then we meet Eric's mom who is unintelligble and placid. Not sure if she's calm due to chemicals or indifference. I didn't get her tough love speech. Eric's dad was even more distant..and had some tough talk with his son. Eric ends up toasting everyone and thanking everyone for the good and bad experiences because that made him attract Rachel. Talk about making Lemonade...not the album..that was Beyonce...(and the reason to avoid the jungle....because there are too many cheat-ahs. I'm talkin' about you Jay-Z.)



Bryan
So Bryan is not my fave. Not because he wore sweatpants on his date or that he threw a Mr. Worldwide reference into the Miami introduction. He seems more milquetoast than caliente.
He took Rachel to play dominoes with some latino men..and spoke Spanish to them without translating to her. Rude. Thankfully the dominos were green and white...I was sure that there was going to be a black/white reference but thankfully there was not.
They go to a little club and dance a bit...Bryan accidentally crashes her face.  He introduces her to arepas...that's where it ended. They didn't eat them. So many calories left unconsumed on the show.He says he's obsessed with her smile. YAWWWWWN.
Off they go to meet the family. Is Bryan the only child? was the dim brunette girl his sister. WHy did she keep saying demise? So dramatic.
Mama Olga seemed intense...but I loved her...she lists love, respect, trust, understanding as being the most important qualities...she doubts that he can love Rachel after he's met SO MANY girls. Do people really think he's all that and a bag of el papas fritas???
Olga seems to want someone for her son so he can be with someone when she dies (water works for me for that sentiment)
Joe the dad is mainly mute.
Rachel looks like she's in love with him. She coos when she kisses him. Like a pigeon.


Peter
Rachel races toward Peter. They go the farmers market. Personally, I never get that thrilled to be at a farmer's market. Sephora or Artizia however...now that's exciting. Buying some home processed food that might be contaminated with E. coli doesn't give me a thrill. Peter says he's there every week. Likely buying over priced Swiss chard.
Then they head to see his friends. His friends seem nice...and one guy tells Peter not to be afraid of the future.
Off to see the family. Rachel is thrilled when she sees Peter and his niece together. Seeing men with kids is very endearing for women but the reverse isn't true for me according to Esther Perel (who kinds looks like Olga now that I think of it).
Peter's sister and mom say Peter may not be ready for marriage but is for commitment.
This bugs Rachel.
But she's got major love-y eyes for Peter.

Dean
Dean is the cutest and he has the shortest pants ever.I teared up twice during this visit.
They ride on ATVs, then have wine, then head off to see Dean's dad who has converted to the Kundalini (sp?) Sikh faith.
Rachel's arrival has brought the family together. Dean's dad welcomes them and does some special goinging..which sounds soothing...dean is anything but soothed. I think Dean wants to smash the gong. Rachel was mature, respectful and open during this whole date. She was so lovely.
Dean's dad seems like he's got some emotional blocks. I might have cried when the feather came out and Dean's dad talked about Deans' mom. The current wife was very open during that.
I cried a second time when Dean's sister talked about how amazing Dean was.
I nearly cried a 3rd time when I saw how much pain Dean was in when he was trying to talk to his dad. For such a surreal surrounding, this perhaps was the most real the Bachelor has been in years.
Rachel tried to talk to the dad after...but he just gave blessings and didn't want to talk.
Dean then tells Rachel he loves her..and Rachel loves him too!!Whah???!!

Rose Ceremony
Who is Rachel going to choose?? Chris comes in and does a recap of the dates with Rachel...Chris H looks like he's growing more hair..maybe this is such a stress-free job that he's gaining instead of losing hair.
Rachel makes up her mind..and in front of the guys she apologizes to the one who she will let go..and that is.......
DEAN.
whah?? she said she loved him...
Dean asks her why..and she said she didn't say anything she didn't mean..Dean leaves...and says she made a mistake..and those feelings weren't reciprocated.

Dean..you are fabulous..get some help..talk it out..and you'll be better than evah!! xx Dean.

They are all off to Spain.
Yay. Bryan can use his Spanish. And Eric gets to travel more...
The family meetings look super stressful.

Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!

We are all like Swiss cheese

I heard this analogy once, that we're all like Swiss cheese.  The holes, like the ones in Swiss cheese, are the deficits we see in ourselves or our personal weaknesses.

So off the crew went to Geneva. Where Rachel had some whittlin' to do. She had to go from 6 to 4.

She was looking for things to get real. And she was going to do some digging..and find those holes.

First 1:1 was Brian
To be honest, I don't get what she sees in Brian. Sometimes he seems super honest and and genuine..and sometimes so schmaltzy.
So they go on a superficial date, fancy car, fancy watches and a fancy theatre.
She buys him a watch...or the show buys him a watch. He doesn't offer to pay for hers...
Ugh.  She says she's attracted to his confidence. Is he confident? I really don't know...and she keeps saying he's too good to be true...well...if it's too good to be true..it likely is..
Can't wait to meet  Brian's mom..'cause apparently he broke up with his last gf b/c the gf didn't get on with mama.

Short on pants..and the real feels?
Not sure if those pants are supposed to be that short. They go to church and then out for lunch..or to a cafe where there are plates and no food is put on them. Dean keeps laughing and asking dumb questions about the tooth fairy. At dinner..where there is food on the plates but they don't eat, Rachel gets so real she looks mean.And Dean then is so honest I wanted to crawl through my TV and hug him again because he says his dad is uncoventional and unsupportive..and he never got support.
She gives Dean the rose!

She's got high slopes hopes for Peter
Peter gets his first helicopter ride..she likes Peter.she says she longs for him. They get up to Glacier 3000 and then go on a dog sled...and have some mountain time to chill. Actually, I don't think she handles the cold well, because she is always shivering.
Then back to a dinner...indoors.Peter tells a story where he broke his gf's heart when he movedout and tears were streaming down her face. Peter got weepy. Rachel wants to know if he's ready for a relatonship..he says he won't propose if he's not feeling it..and what is Rachel's reaction? She is upset and unsure! Whah? if someone isn't sure about a proposal...then he shouldn't propose. I don't get RAchel..
She gives Peter the rose...i kinda get the feeling that Rachel likes to rescue people

3:1
Adam, Matt and Eric.
That's a difficult date..just like the date card said.
She takes Matt aside...and Matt is all cute and wanting a chance..and Rachel starts bawling saying that he reminds her of herself.and she has to let him go..So does that mean she rejects herself. (and why was there a Czech car sticker on the  black good-bye van in France?)
Adam seemed like he was positive self talking himself to cover up his holes..he doesn't use the word difficult and he even gave an inspirational toast. WEll he got burned because she picked Eric...even with all the deep holes he revealed about himself.
I was rooting for Eric..i dunno if they're the best pair...but he seems so honest....and self aware.


While this was all very emotional..i can't wait till next week where the holes are gonna get real big:)

Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!

PS Will someone please find Rachel some eyelashes that fit?

Much ado about nothing

I figure if Rachel's going to throw down some Shakespeare, I'll do the same.
This show can be summarized by a few:
The empty vessel makes the loudest sound. (Lee is a huge lying ding dong)

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. (She didn't trust Lee, let him go, then Kenny)

It is a wise father that knows his own child. (Kenny loves his daughter, figures he's not got much going on with Rachel..and should go home)

There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. (Eric is totally going to let go and immerse himself in this even though his mom never showed him love, and he has never felt love)

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore winged cupid is painted blind. (not even sure what that means, but Bryan would probably say that).

The course of true love, never did run smooth. (Who would have thought that Will would have gone home...)
________________________________________________________________
It really was a snooze of an episode.
What seems to be true on this show is that the negative people tend to go home...Lee and Kenny..and the optimistic (or infatuated) ones seem so stay.
Here's to good vibes only.

It was interesting that she had to ask Peter to kiss her.
Adam is really stepping it up..and I"m SO THRILLED that she kept Adam and Matt. I really like Matt for some reason..maybe becaue he kinda reminds me of Bret Contreras.

Two rose ceremonies tonight...no wonder i'm tired....

Not sure where they are off to next week...but until then..
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Round 1: Kenny vs Lee

Aww shucks there will be no shagging

The producers tried everything to see if there was going to be a connection with Jack and Rachel..first  they shagged - a partner dance that originated in the Carolinas. The dates have not gone international...the shag would have been another dance of sorts. You could tell during the dancing that the chemistry was not there ..for Rachel. Like  Peter, I have a knack for reading Rachel.
Then they shucked oysters and ate them. Apparently Cassonova had 50 oysters for breakfast every morning. Supposedly oysters are supposed to have some aphrodisiac properties...all I know is that they are the highest food source of zinc..which helps boost immunity.

I could tell Rachel was immune to Jack. Jack was saying how great everything was...then he tries to kiss her and she says "you'll get sick". Whah? did we know Rachel had a cold? She really was not feeling Jack.

At dinner it got worse..he was oblivious to her uninterested vibe. And started asking about her father and if he was funny..because Jack likes to joke around..then he say you get that from your father...not even asking about Rachel's mother. Jack says he's like to take her away from this..and she said " what would do in Dallas"..his response..we'd just lie in bed and chill and talk. YAWN..a man without a plan. I felt uncomfortable for Rachel...so she pulled the rose  plug and told him that she wasn't feeling the X factor. Jack did not make it easy for her..so she had to offer to walk him out.

There was no van talk with Jack..likely because he didn't have anything interesting to say.

I've been so mesmerized by Peter's cute gap and confidence that I wasn't noticing he has really bad grammar...he has a difficult time with subject/verb grammar.

Now to some Country Grammar..not the Nelly type...i'm talking about Lee. He is just spouting off about Kenny. I don't know if the producers put Lee up to this. Lee sees this as a competition I think, and some type of Survivor/Big Brother type competition. So much negativity. Will tries to explain to Lee that black men may see being called aggressive as racially charge. Lee states "I don't understand the race card". Ugh. The guy asks no questions. Not asking questions is my #1 pet peeve, followed by  public nail clipping.

Meanwhile Kenny is trying to keep the snake analogy alive-talking about Lee slithering..and he even uses the Eve/snake allegory...

Cocktail party (cancelled0
Rose ceremony
Iggy and Tickle monster go home.
Ticklemonster gets in one last tickle. Wow...how annoying.
Iggy sheds tears..and says he learned so much about himself! Good job Iggy.

They are off to Oslo!! (Rachel had to include Norway just so they knew where they were all going)

Rappeling and SO much attraction.
Bryan would not be my number 1 choice. He seems so needy and clingy..but as the date progressed, they really seem so into eachother.
They rapelled of a ski jump..and Bryan needed to kiss her mid-air.

Rachel is questioning why Bryan is still single. Ahem..that is a really dumb question.
1. the person hasn't found someone
2. the person doesn't want to date just anyone
3. the person might find most people underwelming.
those are some potential reasons why Bryan may be single:) well that and maybe he's too clingy and women find it cloying.

They got sit at dinner. Rachel has perfect yellow/gold eyeshadow...Her lashes are overkill but that eyeshadow game is strong.

She gives Bryan the rose..and they kiss and kiss and kiss.

Eric's insecurities are coming out...he thinks Rachel is not into brothers. Anthony gives rational, sane, calming advice. I like brother Anthony:)
Mean while Lee really takes to adding shine to his boots and hair..and does some bicep curls in the gym..with his boots. Not sure if he is making gains.

Group date: Handball

The boys played handball. Will played the best. Peter played with Rachel on and off the court.
Josaih is all sugar. So sweet it seems disingenous...AND Rachel called him out on not asking any questions. Go Rachel!! I'm on Team questions too!!!!

2:1 One stays one goes
Not surprising Kenny and Lee get a group date.
The elimination dates always seems to involve the elements. They helicopter into Viking territory..where there are bog like conditions. In order of who dressed the warmest from most to least: Rachel, Kenny, Lee.  Well..reptiles are cold blooded creatures..maybe Lee didn't need layers to keep him warm..he had a hoodie like shirt that was unironed...Kenny seemed to be a bit cold..as was Rachel in her parka and gloves. Gurrrrl, you would not survive an Edmonton winter.

Kenny and Lee each have 1;1 time. Kenny gets a bit more time as Rachel needs to clarify if Kenny got violent with Lee and if he has a dark side when he drinks. This sets Kenny off...and Rachel needs time to think..and Kenny walks down the hill laughing maniacally at snake-man Kenny and says something nonsensical like "He's going to be washed under the tide or realness that is Kenny".

What is going to happen?? the previews show Kenny with a bloody eye..but his leather jacket is not on...Is Kenny going to knock some scales off Lee?

Until next week  tomorrow....I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

one long week later

and it's baaack..
I thought last week's hiatus was due to the Bachelor Paradise scandal...which i haven't kept on top of...but it involved Demario, Corinne, a pool and ETOH. Not sure if there will be paradise this year...but that show seems like a claustrophobic two star resort with a lot of levels questionable hygiene.

The Bachelorette has its clautrophobic moments...especially when the guys have to staying a suite hotel all together..drinkign alcohol and putting their feet on the table.

But I"m happy they're back:)
We came back to a replay of Eric reminding Lee that is his (Eric's) name is in his (Lee's) mouth.
Most of the guys are staying out of it...especially Dean looking perfect adorable in his flowery shirt and shiny white teeth.

I'm starting to feel like I need an anti-emetic when Bryan speaks. He shovels so much romance it makes me say "ugh" out loud..to my TV. Rachel kinda encourages it..I know she's all about that 100, but she tells him you're too good to be true. Then Bryan says it's a fairy tale, then she says no it's not..then he says it's not...but follows it up with "you're my future, my focus is on  you".

Meanwhile Lee is gloating at how angry he is making everyone...Dean states that it's racial..Dunno if it's racial or Rachael...I think Lee just wants to emerge victorious... Lee does win with phrase of the night..."that won't put a tear in my beer"
hahahaha...that's funny...maybe he should write a song about it.
Maybe Lee just wants to be a shorter, less muscular Chad.

Meanwhile...Rachel has a lot of tears in her beer..because she's feeling the pressure ..and that she'll be judged on her decisions. She's feeling so much pressure that Chris H comes in to say.."tell me what you want, I can facilitate anything".

I actually believe that...Chris has amazing facilitation skills.
But all he does is cut the cocktail party short.
Sidebar: you know what else needs to be cut short..Rachael's eyelashes...If fake eyelashes were on steroids..that would be the ones on RAchaels lashes...I can't even tell you what colour eyeshadow she's wearing because those eyelashes are so distracting.

Rose ceremony
Bryce and Diggy (I wish it was Iggy) are gone.
Why does she keep Jack if she never talks to him?

Next destination: South Carolina
I think the guys pack all their stuff...some of them have 2 suitcases..
They get to the resort..they are all in one room again..
Dean gets the 1:1
YAY!!!!

Dean is getting cuter..I am a little concerned with the integrity of his enamel with all the tooth whitening...but that is the only integrity i'm concerned about. He's all around fantastic, lovely, affectionate, vulnerable...(and a bad dancer..but hey none's perfect).

They ride in a blimp! (do we have those in Canada)..it looked fun..then they have dinner...where he shared his story about his mom dying...i wanted to crawl into my TV and hug him too. Rachel was sweet and said she didn't want to cry too..
Then they went to the awkward concert with unfamiliar artist, dancing on a raised platform situation.
Dean mainly swayed and then wanted to jump and throw just one arm in the air like he just don't care.

But he does care..about Racheel...and he got the rose.

Group date
They have a boat date!! Alex looked like he worked hard to gather his hair into a mini-pony. I wonder if he has man bun goals. Where the boys dance an have a push up contest..where I think the only guy that did pushups was Eric...Peter adorably recreates the Titanic scene with Rachel..i heart Peter even if he can't spell coitus. Kenny does some freestyle rapping...however I'm getting the sense that he's trying to show all his talents but they may not be enough...although I dislike Lee..I think Lee can see through Kenny's uber strong muscular exterior..and I think he's a bit weak on the inside.
There is a spelling contest. Josaih wins.
Confession.:Despite attending over 70 weddings I would have mispelled boutonnier. Besides that..the words were easy.

Josh said he is loquacious....i do think the used a thesaurus to come up with that.
Now is the party. Iggy is getting even more annoying...he either seems like he's trying to facilitate a focus group or tries to show some charm to Rachel...saying he's protecting her...and he also calls her sweetie (shudder).  It gets gossipy when Lee throws down more smack about Kenny...Kenny tries to charm her with some freestyle...he seems like he's trying too hard again..instead Rachel asks about Lee...so Kenny takes Lee outside to talk..and then.....

TO BE CONTINUED
with blood above Kenny's eye.

Does Lee cut him with the pocketknife that he carved the word enchanting to Rachel?
 Until next week's double episode (monday and Tuesday week)

I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!

My name is in your mouth!!!

No More Drama...
I'm sure Mary J Blige is cringing somewhere...so much drama!! I'd venture there is MORE drama here than in previous Bachelor episodes.

First we start off with Demario..who is on the watered down driveway and wants to make things right with Rachel.  He says that he heard a quote that She lends him an ear...but not an olive branch. Demario, denied...looks to the camera and says Damn.

I don't think he was being legit.
Back at the cocktail party..it looked like Dean was hugging Lee.
Meanwhile Alex was completing a Rubik's cube, Kenny was showing photos of his daughter..and  Jonathan brought out the big hands....all the better to tickle her with. (when is the tickle monster thing going to be unveiled)
Blake continues to be annoyed by Whaboom.
Wham tells Rachel that Blake eats an banana over Whabooms bed at night. When Rachel asks Blake his defence?  The diet defense. "Uh. I follow a ketogenic diet I don't eat bananas".
That makes me bananas. The guy is drinking alcohol.  If he's so into enhancing fat oxidation, why is he drinking alcohol? Why am I getting worked up...yikes...I've found Blake annoying from Day 1.
Whaboom is a weird one too though.

They both get punted..and some other guy whose name I can't remember. When Alex got the rose he said something in Russian to her...a simple "Da" would have sufficed.
Blake continues his anger outside the mansion, expressing how fake Whaboom is and how W is there for the wrong and even oddly imitating him.
Someone give Blake some carbs.


Group Date
AHHHH!!! The ELLEN Show!!! My dream is to be on that show!! I love her so so so much.
The guys come through security and Ellen and Rachel talk about them. Ellen (just like me),  does NOT like that the guy tickled Rachel on the first night. Yes..tickling is weirdly tortuous to me.
Ellen tickles him as soon as she sees him and then hugs all the other guys.
The guys turn out to be entertainment and have to dance shirtless for dollah bills. Alex finds his inner Cossack and unleashes his Russian prowess across the demographics of Ellen's audience.  Speaking of graphic..what kind of print was on Alex's pants. Mind you..i was too mesmerized by all of his abs to pay attention to his pantsTickle guy can't dance though. Next we learn that Alex peed in the pool,and we learn which guys have kissed Rachel which is making Fred all nervous.
After the show..Fred tries to step up his game and asks Rachel for permission to kiss her..then does it...I'm cringing outwardly as a I watch that kiss go down. The kiss went down for quite a while.and i was wondering if Rachel was into it. Freddie did get super vulnerable...
Alex said Nyet to his mother's advice of not kissing Rachel..and kissed her...it seemed super awkward..What is not awkward is the Peter/Rachel chemistry. Peter is dreamy.
Rachel takes the rose and Freddie to another room..where she tells Freddie she still sees him as a boy..and he leaves...poor Freddie.


Meet me at the Rodeo
Rachel meets that tall drink of water Anthony downtown..where is seems she has to explain the Rodeo metaphor slowly to Anthony.  Anthony mounted that horse and they moseyed along..stopping in to do some shopping at get some Automated Cupcake delivery. Seemed like a super attention seeking date..however that's L.A though..too glam to give a damn.
They got off the horses and dined on a hilltop with an incredible view. Anthony seemed super grouded..Rachel dug it..and then they had a quartet mini-concert..where I"m not sure if Anthony was feeling the feels but he was coppping the feels.

Sometimes in a relationship the women take charge....
sigh...this is the relationship propaganda that gets propagated in this show...it's a power struggle..sometimes the woman is in charge...yeesh..but back the romance...Rachel's friends are the former bachelor contestants..and she trusts these women to help her. These girls plan a mud wrestling competition. Seems super classy. I don't think Corinne would have much to do for this date.
My biggest question on the date was what was Rachel's top made of and how did the strings stay taut. Must be a body suit..and would make for bad tan lines.
Not surprisingly Kenny wins most of the fighting..but Bryce wins the whole thing...and Kenny was gracious in defeat.  Maybe prominent jawbones are correlated with wrestling ability. I'm a bit distracted by the prominence...but they soften when he talks..he seems like a really sweet person.

It was funny that the boys had to shower off in the alley beside the bar. reminded me of some precarious bath situations I had on the farm in Croatia in the 80s. At least there were no chickens running around in the alley.

At the debrief/after mud wrestling party...Kenny comes clean that he was a Chippendale dancer..but it was 'mainly choreography'. I'm wondering if a switch went off in Rachel's mind that I can't date a Chippendale dancer/wrestler....Kenny also demonstrated some moves that I'm guessing he thought she would find appealing..he even wore a special t-shirt that tore off neatly...Not sure if the bump and grind was stimulating her mind.
Rachel took Eric aside and had her head on his chest...she's got it bad for Eric physically...must say with her eyes closes..her slate sparkly eyeshadow was gorgeous..props to the make up artist. Eric told her how vulnerable he is. Adam unfortunately wore a burgundy leather jacket..Adam..so cute..bad jacket choice. Lee spouts off to Eric that he has a lot of potential but he has no love experience...Lee is being an a$$..he's really just making issues....shouldn't he go write a song for Rachel..he really could be more productive.
Eric gets the rose!!

Back at the cocktail party...Lee and Iggy tell Rachel that Eric was doubting how genuine Rachel was. So rachel find Eric and gives him a chance to explain...Eric is such an intent listener..but he looks like he's going to explode...This make Eric call a meeting of the men...telling them to mind their own business...Lee says that Eric is the one with the issue..which makes Eric jump around and yell My name is in your mouth. I totally agree with Eric...get his name out of your mouths:)  If I was Rachel ...i'd wonder why everyone was so concerned with Eric and not with being 100 about their own relationship.

Then the show ended...
Whose name will be in Rachel's mouth next week?????
Until next week..
I love this show!!!!!!

Who let the dog out?

Week two and Rachel is hopeful..she wakes up in her mansion..and Copper is by her side. She  takes the adorable Copper for a walk..in  her open toe heeled boots. She didn't look super steady walking him...maybe her and Copper will have matching leg braces if she keeps walking him in heels.

First group date!! and Rachel is looking for husband material. She gets a little help from Ashton and Mila..who are huge fans to show...which goes to show that  really cool people are dedicated to this program. :)

First the boys (hopefully they will transfrom from boyz II men)  are greeted by Rachel in a park where she  food stylists set up a barbecue. You can tell it was done by professionals (when  you compare it to Alex skewering chicken with mom in the backyard.
They have a wee bit of food..then they are off to the obstacle course. You know..i did agree with the obstacle course. It wasn't about a metaphor of scaling a building and emerging triumphant in love, but it highlighted the mundanity of marriage..this might have been one of the most realistic challenges in bachelor history.

Whaboom wins. He's an odd dude. He tried to get Ashton to whaboom- Ashton chose not to without making Lucas feel like a ding dong. I like how Ashton kept that classy.
What wasn't classy was all the baby (doll) slamming. Too much testosterone..or pre-workout.

At the group date drinks gathering...we learned:
-Iggy sweats profusefuly and talks to Rachel like he's interviewing her for employment
-Blake lived with Lucas' ex-girlfriend, and proceeds to tell everyone that Lucas ex-gf says Lucas is in it for Whaboom glory (and people say women like to gossip)
-Lucas says Blake is crazy but Lucas' gf is the one being evicted (yeesh..sounds like a Judge Judy episode)
-Kenny ain't got time for nuthin' but love and keepin' it 100. and he loves his daughter (sweet)
-Dean is looking more like Chris Soules..and suddenly is very charming and sweet.

Dean gets the rose!! And another first in Bachelorette history..he walks her out and kisses her...AND he gets all the purple lipstick on his face.

1:1 I'm looking for my best friend

Oh yay yay yay!!!! Peter is going on the  one on one date:)
Peter is so adorable. Copper is going too!!
They all fly to Palm Springs..and he's already holding her hand...and we all know one of Rachel's love language is physical touch. They all go to a backyard barkfest with fellow dogs and dog owners. Peter seems to be connecting with Copper..and there is even a dance at the end when Peter is holding up Copper to dance. We still haven't heard how Copper broke his leg.

At the dinner, they have so much in common:
-neither is eating (I'm not even sure Copper is eating)
-they love their tooth gap
-they've both been to therapists.

She gives Peter the rose..but she has one more surprise....fireworks:) Ironically, after this 1:1 date with her dog Rachel says she's a 'smitten kitten'.

Swish
I've only been to 3 NBA games, and I wasn't sure what Swish was. But it meant that they are going to be playing some basketball. With Kareem Abdul Jabbar.  Kareem says that basketball shows character and it involves teamwork. The boys played some ball then were divided on teams and were playing in front of a crowd. Chris, Rachel and Kareem were judging. I don't know if they were playing in halves or quarters...but it seemed like halves.

I was happy that Matt scored..two points..not sure how much he's scoring in Rachel's eyes. Demario..worked hard and kept scoring..but the white team won. The guys went to the locker room to  umm..do nothing..they sat around and didn't change or shower. meanwhile someone name Lexie shows up..Rachel is thinking this is a bachelorette fangirl..but gurrrrrrl Lexie had some news about Demario. Looks like Demario was scoring with Lexie right up until a few days until After the Rose. then Demario ghosted Lexie. Now Lexie seemed mighty angry (and she let her hair out of her scrunchie-but her kept her scrunchie around her wrist...are those a thing again?). Rachel was confused and shocked..then called in Demario to face her. While the guys sat in the change room not changing, they were thinking Demario was getting a rose..which goes to show that you really should never believe all your thoughts:)

Demario first pretended he didn't know Lexie, then said she's crazy, then said they had 'sexual intercourse', then he said a lot that didn't make sense so rachel read off phone messages. This exchange was taking on Maury Povich vibes..i was thinking someone was going to come in with a poly graph..but Rachel sent Demario home..I'm not sure where Lexie went..and Rachel went marching around the school not wanting to talk to the camera..saying she got played. Well, even though she was keepin' it 100...Demario was keepin' it about 50. He just seems to have skin in a lot of different games:)

The men tried to cheer Rachel up after she proclaimed that Demario is a dirty dog.  Josiah says he's protective..and sealed that protection package with a  kiss. (He comes off as needy to me). Jamey sat so far away from her on the couch. Will was adorable.  Eric talked love languages and basically Rachel asked for a kiss. Alex sang a Russian song about dark eyes. Does Alex have an accent or did it just appear after he sang a couple bars of the dark eyes song?  He didn't kiss her..b/c his mama told him not to.Poor Mark didn't even talk to her.
Josiah gets the protection  group date rose!

Cocktail party
She looked great in black and gold. Did she limp in? maybe she was out walking Copper in heels again. Bryan was the first to take her..they kiss..he gives her a massage. Adam was showing a cute little barbie house..then he gets interrupted...because guess who is on the grounds?? Demario...

Looks like Demario wants a rebound.  Rachel is asked by Chris if she wants to talk to him..she's curious..the guys are angry...Kenny..says he wants to break his leg... Really think Kenny is still made that Whaboom pushed him at the obstacle course.

Will the men take Demario down? Will Rachel hear him out?
Does Lexie get her keys back?

Until next week...I LOVE THIS SHOW???

My favourite show- beyond a reasonable doubt

Since Rachel is all about keeping' it real and 100...
This, for real, is my favourite show. Ever.
I mean I love Master of None, the Mindy Project and Narcos....but this show..top shelf. The ritual, the dating, the feelings, the posing...it doesn't seem to get old. It gets cliche...but it doesn't get old.
I'm not sure if Rachel is my fave....she says she's sassy and classy..but when she says "this ring finger is ready"...I feel a little ill...those feelings continued when the pre-show pep talk with her 'squad' from Nick's season telling her she should get the fairy tale she deserves. Raven was getting teary eyed..maybe 'cause she thought this shoulda been her. Maybe because she ate crow last season..so close Raven.
Are Nick and Vanessa still together???
We need to focus..just as Rachel says she will...because she didn't put enough focus on that are of her life.But Back to the mansion..where we hope Rachel finds love in a hopeless place:)
(Rachel kinda reminds me of Rhianna).

Some of these men are SO SO SO adorable. Some are very so so.
First..
Let's start with Kenny. Maybe because I'd love myself some GSP, but Kenny the wrestler is so cute and he seems so loving toward his daughter. I am picking him as my top 3 in my Bachelorette fantasy pool..not that I think he's most suited to Rachel..i just love Kenny to pieces:) lol to he's seen a lot of rings in his life..and hopefully he'll see one with Rachel...even his dumb joke was fantastic.

Jack...oooo...so sad his mom died in high school...i liked that he thinks Rachel is special (Rachel will like that too)

Alex....I was liking the meat head/nerd combo..it's dreamy actually..but the 'talk' his mom had over skewered meat was a bit off putting. I thought it was funny that his mom told him that the girls kiss too much (they do)...but the dangly raw chicken..eww. No wonder there is a job for food stylists. Make that raw, salmonella infested chicken look pretty.

Mohit...was a strike out..i loved that he was a Bolly wood dancer and had a dance party in the living room with family...that looked super fun..but him at he Bachelor mansion..

Lucas...the waboom guy..all that head shaking is going to mess up his inner ear. What is whaboom...i think women like mystery...but this guy's a straight up ding dong.

Okay..the moment Blake said he was a nutritionist...he was on my no list. Even though he came in with a  marching band and his snare. I don't think that snare will help him catch Rachel.

Diggy...he's got fashion and sneakers and a cool nick name..i don't see him lasting.

Whoa..we need a food stylist and decorator on this episode..what the what was going on in Josiah's home...was that place condemned? Then the shots of him doing 3 push-ups and jogging...i don't think Josiah is a runner.


So we got some back story...the the limos roll in.
Let's talk about that dress though. Too many elements and not enough natural fibres were harmed in the making of this dress...so many straps, holographic, shiny, white, marbled, mermaid meets debutante. Well...i guess she's kinda debutante-y in this episode. Why do those dresses have to be so much? The guys seem to like it..one of them yelled 'holy hot damn' in the limo.

That's funny. Must use that line.

Okay. I will. With Peter. Holy hot damn he's cute..and it's not just his gap in his teeth. SO SO Cute. I"m picking him for final 3.
Josiah...she didn't look that thrilled when he came out of the limo..but I loved his..see you later litigator comment...That made me lol. Wish there was a cute dietitian greeting. Not much rhymes with vegetable.
Bryan. cute..and asks her "have you dated a Colombian" she says no..he says something Spanish. Which is attractive...Maybe I haven't dated the right Colombian..but i'd say it's not so caliente. (Who names their Colombian kid Bryan?)
Kenny...he kissed her hand..
Rob the law student...i'd say he was an instant no. Him admitting to playing the Bachelorette fantasy pool..i think he seemed more like a fan of the show than looking for love. He said "I like that she is jovial". That made me lol.
Iganacio...while I love a guy with a lot of vowels in his name...he seemed a bit insecure to me..and his shoe game was off...or it's so fashion forward that I'm not seeing it.
Iggy..cEO has sneakers...
We had some medical professional two doctors who seemd unremarkable
Blake K..is a marine veteran..I need to ask my sister which ships were used in recent conflicts....(maybe I should watch the History channel more than catching every season of this show......)
Brad the male model literally broke the ice with large hammer. The best line of the night was when he walked in and one of the guys announced. "Thor's here". I lol'd very hard at that.
Dean...the start up recruiter..his jacket seemed so small. There's a skinny suit...then there's the 'my jacket it too small suit"
Demario...(again nice vowels:) is an exectuive recruiter and she was warned by a 'squad member" that she heard from a friend's friend that he's not here for the right reasons...tsk tsk. such gossip. He told her he's looking forward to moments with her. Then again..that might be foreshadowing that the lifespan of their relationship will be mere moments..
Fred..what was up with Fred..they had a past..of her disciplining him..but not in a good way..whah Rachel..when Rachel tries to be racey..it falls flat.
Who annoyed me more than the 'nutritionist'/aspiring drummer...the tickle monster. I dunno if it's because I hate tickling..or that he can't come up with a decent catchy title...i woulda sent him right back to the limo..if it was up to me.
Lee...confession...when I see singer/song writer i equate that to wrong reason . Like wrong reason to be on the show....for the purposes or Rachel..but maybe right reason is for him to get some recognition. Dude..you should have tried out on the Voice.
Holy hot damn again..Adam...i loved the real estate agent..not his creepy doll AJ..but there's something about Adam.
holy hot damn x3..Matt...I do heart penguins...i didn't know they mate for life..they are my favourite animal (no didn't watch the documentary..and had to learn they mate for life on the Bachelorette)..but I could tell Matt was cute. I say YES to Matt..and YES to the penguins!
When Jamey (yes that's spelled correctly) said to Rachel "this dress is ridiculous"..he meant that as a compliment?? Right? I mean ..i think it's a ridiculous dress...but not in the  that dress is 'sick' way. More the how ridiculous is defined Merriam Webster as opposed to Urban dictionary.
All I could think of when I heard Jedidiah's name...was Mariah Carey's "Honey" lyrics..."Mariah..on fiah"...not even sure what Jedidiah's story is.

That was a very lonnnngggg line up of men...but I think a lot of them will come up short.
At the cocktail party Whaboom was ridiculous (Merriam Webster), Josiah's confident proclamations made him sound less confident the more he spoke. Demario's first question to her was "n sync or bsb? Rohit looked great in his suit..but that guy was weaving and tilting. Blake the trainer/nutritionist/drummer was calling out Whaboom. The fact that Blake couldn't see the futility of that or that it was a waste of his breath..spoke volumes. Bryan (the Colombian) pulls her aside to tell her he's 37 and he's very serious...then he kisses her. With what seemed like more sucking power than the vacuum that Nick was walking around with. I think they had chemistry..but that kissing..had to avert my eyes..was embarrassed for both to them. But that sealed the deal..he got the first impression rose:)

The others were handed out to

Peter (YAY YAY YAY)
Will
Jack (adorbs)
Jamey
Iggy (why?)
Eric
Demario
Jonathan
Bryce who accepts the rose (with honour) ??
Alex (cute:)
Kenny (go Kenny!)
Dean (not sure why)
Matt
Anthony
Brady
Josiah (phew...there woulda been tears)
Lee-singer
Diggy
Fred (did the producers want her to keep him)
Adam-YESS
Blake -eww

Milton was sad..he didn't get to show his outfits..
this is going to be a great season!!!
Until next week...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!

Plodded to a chilly romantic conclusion

So they are in a place called Rovrenini...or something like that..it sounded like Bimini.
The Viala family come to Finlad to mope  meet the final two.

Someone get that family some therapy. They keep re-hashing Nick's past while they sit in a sad circle.
The first shot of Nick's mom..she looked like she was wearing a reindeer vest or took a wall covering and fashioned it into a vest.

Rovremini (sp?) is apparently where Santa lives.  Perfect that this reality show is set on location where Santa lives...just to keep everything super real.

Sad music plays as Vanessa's vehicle approaching..is this foreshadowing or the producers trying to throw us off. Vanessa states she loves Nick..but is asking Nick's dad if love is enough...seriously..is there a psychologist in the house? Nick's dad starts crying..Vanessa doesn't do anything to comfort the dad. Maybe she's not emotionally intelligent? Where's Taylor when you need a counsellor?


Raven comes for a second  visit..they all have emptiness in their hearts...Raven states she's really sure about Nick.now i'm not sure about how sure she is..i wonder if she just isn't a critical thinker.
The family hopes Nick isn't blindsided.

The both have their last 1:1 dates.
Vanessa's is heavy..she cries.even though she got a present from Santa.
Raven seems delighted by everything Nick. Even when Nick tells Raven he cares about both women so much.

i feel that nick needs someone middle ground between Vanessa and Raven.

Decision Time...
Neil Lane comes a knowing. Nick was a little light on the selection of rings. I guess he was tired of schlepping all those rings for Nick...He doesn't even put them on a velvet display box. It's like "would you like overpriced/overvalued setting #1 or #2?

Nick picks a ring...but is he going to pick a woman?

It's proposal time..who gets out first...but Raven!!!!!! She said she didn't believe in fairy tales but she kinda had a Frozen style dress and a cloak that you'd see in a Disney movie. Chris H meets her in the cloakroom and removes her cloak before she goes to the room where Nick is waiting....
to reject her!! Whah??? I really didn't think he was going to choose Vanessa...it all seemed so heavy with Vanessa. She climbs in to the vehcile..she left her cloak behind..and starts ruminating how love doesn't work for her..and what if noone wants to love her...and not a peep about missing Nick. Fly Raven fly.

Now while Vanessa was getting ready she was remarking that she was unsure of getting engaged. Then why did she put her 1/2 fur jacket on and hustle to the proposal shack...Nick says some nice things to her, she says some nice things back..and he proposes..and she cries..YES! She puts on her fur jacket and they go on a little horse drawn sleigh ride in the cold.

Well...that was chilly...

Speaking of chilly..the air between Vanessa and Nick was not quite Frozen but it seemed  a bit frosty.
Vanessa kept saying "at the end of the day we love each other and we are working through this". It sounds a bit like breaking rocks...Not sure if the crowd was really feeling Vanessa..when she announced she would do charity work for special needs children noone really clapped..and she didn't look thrilled when she said they'd be getting married in the states.

Yeesh...if they are having such a hard time in the beginning...will this last?? Who knows..all I know is
I LOVE THIS SHOW...

and i also know the guys that Rachel met so far were super awkward. especially the guy who said he was never going back after black..
hopefully there are 21 other more promising guys..she seems way more eloquent that the 4 that appeared..

Laps around Lapland, Core Values, Naps and Let's make America Great again

Speaking of naps, i think my butt fell asleep after being glued to the couch for 3 hours.
THREE HOURS.
We are back at Lapland..where Raven proclaims "Nick is really good at what he does"..and she skips around town and high fives people and kisses inanimate objects.
Like a female Viagra commercial.

We have two dates left.
Rachel-well.we all know that Rachel is going to be the Bachelorette..so not that interesting a date to watch. All the women wore toques with big pom-poms which validates my toque with a huge pom pom. But Rachel and Nick go cross country skiing...and then go for a reindeer ride. With reindeer that looked like they had their antlers strapped on.
Nick spends the night...he makes breakfast and then says "I have to pack up and get ready" ..for another date. This show really must be crazy making.

Vanessa.
Vanessa has core values. That is clear. What they are is unclear. All I know is that she has family dinner on Sunday. Does that mean her core value is not cooking for herself on Sunday.that she only spends 3 hours with her family on Sunday? Nick says he's not traditional and isn't sure they will jive but later says he likes that she has values, but that compromise is important and he didn't have it in his last relationship (i wonder if it was with the woman he ran into in Wisconsin). I'm betting that Nick is trying to say he doesn't wan to be bossed around but is prone to it. Oh, one of her values is that being engaged is like being married..she only wants to do it once.
Their date involves alternating hot and ice baths. Kinda like Vanessa..she's hot and she's cold, she's yes and she's no...we're still not sure if she's in or out.

She is in for the Fantasy overnight date AND for telling Nick that she loves him.
Why did Nick have such a big pocket his sweater..it was like a cargo sweater. Speaking of sweaters..Vanessa wore a belted sweater that looked like a blanket with an attempt at cinching at the waist. Not flattering..holy smokes..Vanessa does looking smoking hot in a Finnish one piece. They are both patriotic and having discussions about who would move. Nick said he'd do anything for the woman he loves, but he's a proud American.

They spend the night together..Vanessa is in love and she says dreams come true.

Rose Ceremony
Raven wears a black dress...pretty uninspiring for someone who owns a clothing store. (why was she holding a white piece of paper?)
I'm not sure what Rachel wore except for the neckpiece.
Vanessa wore a dress that resembles the Emoji flamenco dancer. It was such a party at the bottom.

Rachel goes home...and she says she's back at square one..when we know square one is the the hosed down rock tiles of the Bachelorette mansion. She says everyone tells her how amazing she is..but it always ends like this.


Women Tell All (WTA)
I usually don't blog about the WTA because I'm too busy saying WTF.  It typically is a bunch of women being angry at each other and the common denominator is that it's about a guy that doesn't choose them.
My big take away is that I think hoops are coming back (that and i like the term slob kebab..although people from the Middle East might take it as a slight as kebabs are typically quite tidy). I kinda felt like girl from Wisconsin in the white tried really hard to make a statement in her white plunging pantsuit which was killer and required double sided tape and she likely paid so much money to make her hair whiter..and she didn't say a word.
The mental health counsellor was feelings so many feels and was upset that her career was affected. It was ironic that she wasn't exhibiting emotional intelligence yet defined it for 'Merica. Chris Harrison-who i think has incredible emotional intelligence had to point out that neither Taylor nor Corinne are talking to each other.
Corinne was unapologetic. I loved her lipstick. I"m betting it was a multistick from Bite Beauty. What I give Corinne high fives for is bringing gluten and dairy back to mainstream. Yet Taylor wouldn't take a bite from the dish that was handed to her. Taylor is intolerant of so many things.

True colours...
Kristina bleeding red white and blue was way too much. Kristina recounting her sad story of the orphanage and the teacher telling her that Russian living would be black and white and in the U S of A it would be many colours...seemed like the ABC network's way of invigorating some type of national pride. I wonder if Trump and Putin are watching. Kristina told her some orphanage friends have gotten in touch with her...someone I"m doubting the the Bachelor will be filming in Moscow anytime soon.

Speaking of a non-story.Rachel is the new Bachelorette...and hey she's black....and Chris pointed this out to her...Rachel takes this as an honour and she's humbled.  Seems like the show is trying to hard to unite..not that unity is terrible but it's so overt.

What got my eyeballs rolling is how excited all the girls got that Rachel might find her husband....and Astrid also piped up "We'll take your leftovers".  Two days before International Women's Day..this show has a far far way to go.

I'm  not googling Bachelor Spoiler alerts..but it seems like Nick doesn't pick anyone....Typically Chris asks on the WTA if the Bachelor is happy. Chris doesn't do that. Or maybe Nick shows up on Rachel's season.
Until next week, I LOVE THIS SHOW

One cold (and short) episode

Well...I was all excited that some of my favourite things coincided...my birthday, a day off AND the Bachelor...and then...whah..only a 1 hour?? Oh well..i guess i have more time to celebrate my birthday.

Andi D knocks on Nicks door..and not to break up with him...she needs to talk to him...she still seems cold, more like frosty. She's got some unpleasant vibes. Apparently she just wants to see what's up..and the conversation requires whiskey. It was a big waste of time..and truth be told.it was a bit of an awkward reconciliation visit. While the girls are lining up outside for the rose ceremony...Andi and Nick are warming up with some whiskey. Nick tells Andi he's not just going to pick someone because he's the bachelor..it seemed like a bit of a jab.that Andi chose Josh over Nick and we all know how well that went. Then Andy wants to know if Nick is going to have sex on the Fantasy Overnight Date (FOD)..and then Nick says he's not sure. He regrets that he had heartache and pain. But then we get to the real reason that Andi is there...Andi gives him forgiveness for outing that they slept together on the Men Tell All...she says do't let something you said a few years ago hold you back. Whah? It didn't sound like it was a problem...seems like and needed to have this out.

The girls are chilling  freezing on the outdoor patio to have the rose ceremony. I still think this is the Bachelor on a budget and the producers probably didn't want to rent a banquet hall for a short ceremony..i'm guessing the patio was free(zing).  Some of them didn't look like they were ready with the right jacket for the dress. I'm guessing they were thinking "Damn, I'm covering up my cut-out dress with this coat that doesn't really go with my outfit". Love Vanessa, but her jacket looks like one she wears on supervision at recess.

Nick-not a lyrical Jesse James- says to the group in acknowledging the hometowns..that all families were "uniquely special".

I thought the person going home was going to be Vanessa that goes..but it's..
Corinne!
She whimpers during the announcement...Nick walks her out..she apologizes to Nick for anything she did wrong. He reassures her..she did nothing wrong and he will "miss the hell out of her". Rainier Rilke he is not.

Corinne makes an existential switch. She proclaims she won't worship guys anymore and won't set out to impress men. They need to impress her. You go girl. But first have a nap. Dating can be exhausting.

Are the FODs going to heat up?
We are going to Frosty Finland to find out!!! Only a few hours of sunlight...and they can see the Northern lights...kinda sounds like Edmonton...:)

Raven gets the first one on one.  I should have had a nap before this date. So boring, even thought it was a helicopter date around Lapland Finland.  First..this date was at a pub (this could have been in Edmonton soooo many pubs in Edmonton). They have drinks and play darts and have boring conversation where Raven typically repeats what Nick says or gives a milque-toast response. For example
Nick: What was your favourite part of hometown date.
Raven "everything was my favourite"

Nick has to all the heavy lifting in the conversation department.  Even though this episode was one hour Raven's date made it feel like the show was longer. She's nervous, so nervous. Because this FODis a big deal and she loves Nick and she wants fireworks..zzzzzz. Oh..and speaking of O...she's never had one. She lobs that at Nick too. Yikes... hopefully the attraction he feels for her compensates for all the work and expectation on him.

And then...
the show ends?
Why is this only an hour? Why did they announce that Rachel was the bachelorette already?

I feel my world has been turned upside-down...well not really.. a little sideways...but that was from my birthday party Saturday night..
Until Next week's 3 HOUR episode..
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Hello Hometowns

Howdy Hoxie
The first hometown is in Hoxie, Arkansas. Raven meets Nick on an ATV, wearing a pink helmet.. They they go visit a steel structure..not sure if that was  grainery and are stopped by a a police officer who asks them for ID..almost seemed like the trailer for Get Out (but wait this is Raven's date, not Rachel's)..but phew..it's her brother. haha. He meets the police officer bruh and it's all good. They ATV on..and then seem to take turns straddling each other in a  bog/marsh/reed-filled water.  Maybe how that's how things get hot in Hoxie..but I'd think that's how people get Lyme disease.

It goes from marshy to mushy when they meet her parents...where they announce that Raven's pa is now cancer free. (this was my first cry of the Bachelor)...Not sure why they'd share when Nick was around..but i'm super happy for Raven's dad. I don't think Raven's dad gives a whip about Nick..he just wants Raven to be happy..and straight up tells Nick "I didn't expect to like you". Awesome. But what wins on this episode is how Nick kinda asks for the dad's blessing in a way that is almost as clever as the phrase 'alternative facts'.  He says something like"if we both come of the end of this and decide together that we want to get engaged and your daughter is happy, would I have your blessing that we go through with this".  That is genius..he gets Raven's dad's kinda blessing for the kinda request.

Dallas
Disclosure. I'm white. So this might sound super white. What was the Rachel is black Nick is white theme. Was this to create drama??...and why is this suddenly an issue??
Rachel took him to church...and a church that is WAY more fun and energetic than the the one I go to...no swaying and stomping at my church. It was pointed out that it's a primarily black church(super obvs). Nick had fun....they got to lunch..don't eat and head to Rachel's family's house.  This might sound anti-white..however the most annoying person on that date was the white dude (not Nick)but Alex. And not sure why the race issue kept coming up because Rachel's sister married annoying Alex who said to Nick "I can't help but noticing you're white". Whah??? Alex..look at the Man in the Mirror..oops wrong Michael Jackson song..i don't know know any of the words to Black or White.
Yeeesh..i might break up with Rachel knowing that I'd have to have dinners with annoying Alex..her sister seemed very in your face and confrontational..i have a feeling those two just like attention. Rachel's mom seemed nice...but she did acknowledge the elephant in the room...but she always taught her daughters to look at people's heart first:)



Miami
Corinne is actually showing glimpses of vulnerability...and I like it. But first. The mall. Corinne meets Nick at the mall and they go shopping!!! and Corinne buys Nick a 3000.00 outfit:) Now I wonder if this influences whether he gives her the rose. And if he doesn't would he have to return the clothes? After the shopping they stop at the food court ..it's a perfect setting for Corinne to tell Nick she loves him. then they pick up their bags and head off the the family condo. We meet Raquel (who I just wanted to hug)...and Corinne's family. Corinne's dad looks he's from the northside.. They all have some marinated olives and then Nick and Jim go to chat. Nick asks for the 'alternative blessing'. Not it's not really the blessing, but in the event that it is Corinne, would he have a blessing.
Then Jim asks Corinne if she would be okay being the breadwinner. I mean, you can't just survive on olives. Corinne is okay with it. Corinne says that Nick wasn't the guy that she thought that she deserved to have then she thought she should start believing that she should. Nice work Corinne. You just go love yourself (I can't help myself with quoting aBieber :)

The date ends.they take the elevator ride down and the parents watch the couple make out from the window .

Bienvenu au (or Benvenuti?) Montreal
What the what was Vanessa wearing. Not who..but what. She was wearing everything. I didn't know what to look at..the pirate shirt, the furry vest, the leather pants with zippers on the knees. I think she tried to incorporate every trend..well except the pirate shirt..i think she meant the off the shouder white shirt that was very 2016 but is still being carried in 2017.
I thought there would be more Canadiana in this hometown. Mais non. Oh Quebec..always a touch difficult.
They go to her school..on a Sunday..where Nick meets her students and they make a scrap book for the couple...i'm sure there were a lot of waivers signed to make that happen. Then they go meet Vanessa's mom's side of the family complete with nono and nonna.  I kinda feel like I was visiting a friend on the northside. I guess the cement lion phenomena is not restricted to northside Edmonton Italian homes. Plenty of religious statues and rosaries.  It was a heavy date..and I"m not talking about all the carbs on the table. They were a gregarious but not a happy bunch. They were all SO WORRIED that Vanessa would be hurt again. Let's all just put our pasta fork and spoon down for a second and check ourselves. First , there are not guarantees in dating or life. Second this is a reality show that's been on for like 15 seasons. We know the drill. There are others. It's a little Sister Wives..but likely it goes down to 1 person at the end (well..nick has flunked out at this  twice..but maybe 3rd times a charm).
Vanessa's sister kinda reminded me of Celine Dion by her look and kinda like Jenny from the Block (early days) because or those super large hoops. She was a very confrontational. Vanessa's mom...not as in your face.but also so worried. Maybe Vanessa needs A LOT of support after a breakup.
They head over to Vanessa's dad..who made me laugh. He called Nick out on his 1/2 culo (that's ass in Italian) attempt to ask for a blessing. He's like "whaddya mean, there are 3 other women, did you ask them for their blessing". And Nick is called out on the 'alternative blessing request". Love it. They sit awkwardly and then Pat, the dad, relents.  Pat talks to Vanessa and she's encouraged that Nick asked for a blessing...then she has the smarts to ask if he asked other people and her dad has to break the news Yes he did. Ah. being a parent sounds hard.  Vanessa is flummoxed by this. I'm flummoxed by how she can be flummoxed by this. Basically we're both confused..and Vanessa leaves her hometown thinking she needs answers. Yeah sister, don't we all.

Rose ceremony.
The Bachelor is still on a budget. Yes the Rose Ceremony will be in NYC..but it's happening in Brooklyn..not Manhattan...
Each one of them seems to have their own room.and they all are out on their own terraces pondering what will be their fate.
Someone is shown walking to Nick's room..i was thinking it was Vanessa..but it's...gasp....Andi??
Whah??? Maybe she thinks Nick needs a lawyer? or maybe she wants to be a part of Nick's life again.

Ahhh..we have to wait...
Until Next Week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Cost reduction on the Bachelor

This was a sad sad episode.
After Nick lets Danielle go, he calls in Chris for a consult. Chris doesn't have time to put his flip flops on so he does it barefoot. Chris asks the exaggerated question...do you want to pull the plug?
The girls are back in their room worked up in a a lather that Nick may call it quitsville.

Nick goes to their room..and says 'where is everyone' the whole room gathers in a posse. He addresses the room and says "I see what I want in this room" Somehow this is supposed to be flattering to everyone yet noone specifically. This show is spectacularly bizarre..and the girls are relieved..and to make them all feel better...there will be no rose ceremony...but there will be a flight to the romantic island of .......
Bimini!!!!!!!!

Bimini??
What the? It's one letter off of bikini..but that's all i got for Bimini.  It looks like  a sad little island with some row housing for a resort...and a Hilton.

Go Deeper;Vanessa
The first 1:1 with la Canadienne. Vanessa's never been on a boat..but she looks pretty comfortable donning flippers and jumping in l'eau. They kiss underwater. And then they go sit at a dining table and Vanessa is supah-dupah confident that her and Nick and her are on the same page..until she says she's falling for him and he doesn't say anything..but says let's go somewhere...and then the date ends..(bad editing). Well Vanessa went deep..and Nick kept on the shallow end.

Both feet first
Whah? That's a recipe for falling on your face...this group date seemed like Kristina was in the lead..if you're taking how enthusiastically one massages suntan lotion into the other person. Nick announces they will be swimming with sharks. That's fun..Kristina sees one and gets out of the boat and Nick follows.  Later there's a wine and cheese event..where Corinne is popping cheese cubes. She may be the only bachelorette who eats on the show. Kristina gets 1:1 time first. Somehow him and Raven have more chemistry..i think after she says her parents are together and madly in love. Madly be the operative word..if one or the other steps out of line.there's loose gun laws in Texas and we already know Raven gave the beats to a cheating ex..and the cliche goes that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, On this date, there's a rose for some reason. and Raven gets it.

Corinne's self proclaimed platinum is not even ranked. Corinne awkwardly walks over to the Hilton in platform heels. I saw my nine year old goddaughter walk around in my heels this weekend and she could run laps around Corinne. Maybe Corinne still had sea legs from the earlier boat ride..but she could barely walk in those shoes. She goes to visit Nick and wants to make him feel better. Nick ends up rejecting her ..saying he doesn't want to make the same mistake he did with Kaitlyn...oh Nick you and your kissing and telling. But good on ya for not going there..Bimini crickets!!! She thought she had this in the bag.

zzzzzzzz Danielle's date.
The only thing remarkable about the date was how perfectly arched her black cut off short were. I'm sure she got some kind of fancy shears at Michaeal's and methodically clipped those shorts...she likely had wayyyyy too much time on her hands on the show and thought she use some crafting skills on the shorts. the bike down a paved path..then have wicker container of beer. is that Bimini thing..were they not trying to promote  a beer brand?? They go to dinner. not eat dinner..she shares her feels...nick doesn't have the same feels..so her walks her out. Danielle is wearing another very short short outfit (this one factory stitched) and she has to collect her things.  The girls are sadnotsad to see her go. And true to the date card..she rode into the sunset.

short and sweet date:Rachel
They have a chill (read no cost) date. They have a beer. The bartender asks how they met. I don't think they get the Bachelor on Bimini..maybe the bartender does not care that a camera is filming this encounter. I think Nick is really into Rachel..and likes that she's smart and confident..She's never brought home a white dude. Nick is already self conscious that her dad will wonder if he's a ding dong. Rachel floats back to the room..literally an hour later..and announces it was amazing.

Corinne is beginning to unravel. This supports my theory that when people overtake their 'game', confidence etc..it's typically a ruse. (which may not lead to a rose:)


Loose cannon.
Nick..suddenly realizes he is not feeling it with Kristina..not sure when those feelings shifted..but he must tell her. So he tells her..and she hops into a black truck..barefoot..not even enough time to get her shoes.

There are 4 girls left..and 4 roses..will they all get hometown? Will he cut another loose???
Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW

I can't see clearly now

Everything is sooo confusing. I think what we have here is paradox of choice with a dash of hint of paralysis analysis...but alas he is forced to make decisions as the FODs are coming the FODs are coming.

This is why my dad has always says "don't sit on two chairs" but Nick's got like 10 chairs...and some of those legs sure are wobbly. Some of the wobbliness you can blame on the Henny..but some are poorly constructed.

We come back to the bachelor mid date..while Nick and Corinne having dinner  enjoying each other 's company and Taylor marches in. She's been freshly spritzed by some kinda priestess and she's going to give Nick the straight up goods. Now I think there should be some type of rose legislation that states once you've been given the official good-bye from your date that you can't come back for seconds.  Taylor comes back to tell Nick that he was lied to...Nick is an excellent reflective listener and thanks her for her time. Taylor still goes home.

Guess that special ceremony didn't have any special powers.

Corinne gets the rose.

No cocktail party..just a rose ceremony...and the budding dolphin trainer and Jamie say good by. Let's take a minute to acknowledge the crystals on Jamie's dress. Did she steal those from the chandeliers in the mansion. That was the gaudiest fancy dress i've seen.

The are all off to St. Thomas where they get...
Island Fever

They all go a little coconuts on the island. They get to their hotel. jump on the beds(?). and all get on the balcony to wave Nick in.
Kristina gets the one on one. They get on a seaplane. He's looking for backhanded compliments.."how do you like your first one on  one?" Like she is supposed to show great gratitude for being chosen. Nick then chooses an old cold war reference says  he plans to knock a wall down so he can get into her mysterious Russian past. Wrong reference for the wrong country. and relations are anything but cold between Russia and the US these days.
Kristina and Nick frolic in the waters..and then they go to dinner and sit in front of their food while Kristina recounts how she didn't have food and she ate lipstick. So sad. But I'd expect her to eat on this date.Kristina's Russian teacher's metaphor for living in the US (living in Russia would be black and white but living in the US would be living in colour) was beautiful and layered. Good move on Nick to use it to say that she adds colour to his life when she is around (despite her wearing a white dress on the date..but we get the point) Kristina seems super lovely..and she gets the rose!!

One. Tense. Group Date.
Holy bananas that was a stressful date. The girls all look effortless in their shorts and breezy tops when they go meet Nick. That's when the breeziness ends. Not even alcohol could loosen up this crowd. Beach volleyball was difficult and then even that got to stressful when Jasmin pushed Corinne. Even our lovely French Canadian's formage kinda slipped off her craquelin as even she got to crying saying she's been so patient with the process but that this is so hard.
I do think this show provides a clear picture of what it's like when one is "too much in one's head".
Jasmin was the loosest cannon of them all. And the talk of the chokey. Jasmin just got all 99 shades of the dark van is coming for you and your luggage to get your a$% off the island. I was scared for Nick.
Nick did award the rose to the woman who assaulted her boyfriend. Raven.

2:1
Whitney and Danielle are on this date. Whitney is either super chill or a wee dense. They get on a helicopter ride our to an island...there really is no fun on this date, although they do get to be protected from the sun on a comfy bench where they are served drinks. From the 1 minute conversation with both of them, he determines that Danielle is his pick. But he goes to tell Whitney, that although he would love to give her the rose, his heart says no. Whitney sits there..and looks at him with gazelle like eyes. I honestly don't think she registered what he said. So Nick had to tell her it's good bye. However this means he plucks the rose, gives it to Danielle and they fly off..leaving her in a sandstorm  and still not likely seeing things clearly.

Suitcase man retrieves her suitcase.
While at table with drinks and food, Nick is having a conversation with Danielle who says they have a lot in common and that she's falling in love with him..except Nick is not feeling it..you can tell by his eyes..and what he's stroking. He seems to stroke legs if he's really into a person..he is taking her arm. I call it fore(arm) shadowing.
Nick tells Danielle he's not feeling it..nope not her forearm....he's not feeling the love.
She goes home.


There's a storm a brewin' in Nick's head.  He's cutting people loose. Does that mean he's not into anyone? Will this process not work for him? (as it's failed him twice before). He heads over to make his problem the other women's problem too. He comes over crying to their compound  hotel room to say he wants something authentic and real..and he's not sure this is going to work for him. What is he expecting the women to say? He should not be turning to them for comfort. They are all gasping and worried for Nick. I think everyone needs to take a step back and get their denim cut offs untwisted and just think if this is working for them.

Nick ominously says he can't do this anymore..and walks toward the water. Vanessa takes off.
All we have is outakes from next week with several people pulling  dramatic bent over Mesnick-like poses.  It's daytime and Nick is in the same shirt.
What will happen? Will this show (and Nick's heart) go on??

Until next week....
I LOVE THIS SHOW!

A bright light in the darkness

So this show is off schedule...it starts mid cocktail party. And man was it a cold cocktail party. Literally and figuratively.  Things between Corinne and Taylor were ice cold...and you could see everyone's breath at the rose ceremony.

Bachelor on a Budget
The roses are given out..and where are they off to....New Orleans. There must be some good trips coming up for the show because so far they've been at the mansion, Wisconsin and next..New Orleans...at low season. Very likely low season because there were very few people in the streets, they stayed at the JW Marriott (where they felt it necessary to jump on the beds- seriously why?) and the dates didn't even involve a lot of fossil fuels...typically Bachelor dates are not energy efficient.
Well..the mood was dark and heavy for most of the show.

Except for Rachel. I LOVE Rachel. She does have a bit of a Rhi Rhi vibe except the friendliness is dialled up a notch. She is honest, excited...and has butterflies.They have a 1:1. Nick says he's going to 'treat her right' and buy her a lot of things. At a flea market. Charming. Then they dance through the streets. She is feeling the music and energy..and Nick is ..well..he's trying to be fluid. She looks so fab in her white top and yellow shorts. I just love Rachel...and she is digging Nick...i'm so happy she's happy:) They go for dinner and have meaningful conversation..she mentions how the last time she was in NOLA she was at a funeral and it made her reflect on her own life and owning the present moment. Rachel way to bring some stoic philosophy into a show that typically isn't that philosphical. Nick totally is into Rachel and talks about meeting her family and how much he loves her confidence and how he clicks with her and how he wants her family to know that she is respected. Nick...well done...And Rachel concludes with " I don't believe in fairy tales...but today was a fairy tale". Coincidentally, there were commercials for the upcoming Beauty and the Beast movie. Rachel is a beauty...Just keep keeping it 100 Rachel:)

And for the rest of the show....darkness.

The girls are dreading who will be on the group date since the two left will be on the 2:1.

The group date is another low energy date. They visit a haunted house. The lights get turned off. Things rattle, rock and fall. There is a ouija board and candle light. It's a big snore. Danielle (the blonde) reconnects and feels here relationship is stronger with Nick after one kiss..and Raven tells Nick she fell in love with him. Raven really needs to fly the coop. She beats her cheating boyfriend and falls in love with a guy who took her on a date and roller-skated with her in a museum.
Danielle gets the group date rose(which was under a dome? why?)..and I still don't know who took the ghost's baby doll.
(and I think my 9 year old nephew can do better special effects on his iPad than the producers did making the haunted house 'special effects')

Shallow and murky waters- and the Bayou
Corinne and Taylor are on the 2:1. Corinne is pretty shallow and Taylor's judgment is clouded.
Corinne's monologues are petty and juvenile. Her outfits reflect her depth...there's not much there. But Taylor..who is supposed to have some critical thinking skills- cannot detach . She feels she needs to school Corinne in how immature she is and how underdeveloped with Emotional Intelligence is. For all this talk of emotional intelligence...Taylor doesn't define it nor does she seem to practice it. She gets mired and bogged down in how angry she is at Corinne. And these two women are off on a Bayou date. The whole date is odd..and it starts with the blonde guy jumping on the motorboat. Why is noone wearing life jackets? or maybe a life jacket won't help when you're in alligator infested waters. The three cruise off to a some voodoo person..then there is card reading...and some 1:1 time. Corinne thinks she's in the jungle. While Taylor gets some validation in her card reading...Corinne tells Nick she' bullied. Taylor has some 1:1 time with nick..but to no avail..because Nick gives the rose to Corinne. Taylor walks off, but then has to come back to the table because some producer probably said "where are you going..there are snacks and alligators out here"..so she has to see Nick an Corrine boat off on brown waters...and then they kiss..after Corinne ties her hair in a pony tail. I be Corinne wishes she wore a belt..she seemed to be pulling up her pants a lot.
But it's so NOT OVAH! Taylor is a water sign! (not sure what that means)..but she goes back to the voodoo circle to get watered I think..as if to fortify herself to talk to Nick. Taylor was so silent when nick didn't pick here...I was really happy she didn't cry:)

Nick and Corinne sit down to dinner...but they won't be there long..becuase Taylor is back from the jungle  bayou. She's really to talk it out....

Until next week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!

Nick is a life coach

Well-if one thing is clear. Nick knows how to be on this show and man can he milk it (more that later). He was coaching all the women to express their feelings because he wanted to hear them...but typically he just kissed them after his spiel.

Rose return policy
Trump may re-negotiate NAFTA but Vanessa threatens to return the rose! What is happening in this world? Speaking a of a world being rocked..there was serious bouncy castle drama (words you likely will never see together again in a sentence). Vanessa et al were upset that Corinne ordered a bouncy castle and straddled Nick in it. It like the opposite of deflate-gate (Note that is likely the only NFL reference that has every been in this blog). That bouncy castle incident had all the women talking..and thinking that if Nick picks Corinne he made not be ready for marriage.

Nick talks to Vanessa...and he tells her it's about the end game and to be patient..but her really wants to hear how she feels and tells here knows what it's like to be in her place. Nick says he's all ears...but really it's literally lip service..he kisses most of the women to make it all better and gives them no direction about what he really wants.

At this point..i'm not sure I like any of the women...I really like Vanessa...she's a bit self righteous though.

Nick states the Corinne is rubbing the women the wrong way..ummm I don't think it's that rubbing that the women are concerned about.

Corinne gets the rose..gasp.

Travel........to Wisconsin!!!!! Is that like going to Saskatchewan?? Like it's really pretty ..and people are super friendly but most people don't think it's a treat.

1st group date
So much giggling.
Danielle L is so freaking adorable..but she just giggled through most of the date boring stories ie. jumped in a lake for $12 and one too many stories about how many girls he made out with at the library, field or school. When people talk about their 'action' that much I start to wonder.
Danielle just giggled all along. They ran into Nick's ex Amber who happened to be sitting by a window looking effortless and reading a book. I wonder if she got paid for the appearance..and Amber told Danielle that Nick leads with his heart and only goes in when he feels it's right..which is why he's proposed twice..on  a reality show. Thanks Amber. Danielle and Nick go to a concert..and have the custom mini stage where they can stand out from the crowd and have the spotlight for them. Nick was so lost in Danielle's eyes that he couldn't dance..let alone dance and kiss and the same time. They kinda swayed to Chris Lane (?) concert.


Poop I mean Group Date.
This is likely the lowest cost group date ever. They go to a dairy farm. Whoa.if you've ever been to a dairy farm the smell of the poop stays in your hair, but at least they all smell the same.
They go ta dairy farm of someone who is unknown to Nick and he is feeling a 'baby cow' aka a calf.
Then some of girls try to milk a cow. Jamie was successful.Nick of course makes an obvious teat joke. Tiresome. Speaking of tiring..the girls have a make work project of scooping poop that was placed in a pile by the barn and transferring it to another area. Corinne took a time out. Women are incensed..steaming just as much a the steaming pile of poo.
Then there is a group date in a cold drafty farm house..where women have to pop from couch to couch and cover in a blanket. No wonder there is drama..I'd be annoyed too if I was freezing in heels and smelled bad. Kristina has a serious chat with him..and gets the rose.


Raven
Can we just take a moment to address the stiletto in the room on this date?  Nick and Raven meet Bella, meet the parents and then participate in rollerskating and Nick was super proud of his rollerskating ability...BUT why was Raven's Bella's attack of her ex-boyfriend okay? confronting her ex for cheating? Sure. Kicking down the door like a 'spider monkey' okay so I still don't know the difference between a dolphin and shark costume..but what is a spider monkey and can they kick down doors? the monkey analogy is not the point. Melodramatic to kick down and door, but she's angry..Walking in on the deed..well weird..but if it gives you closure..BUT the  distressing thing is that she took the stiletto of the woman and beat her boyfriend in the head. What? Really? How is that okay? If the reverse is true people would be protesting(rightly so). And people should protest this. Violence is never ok. Ugh. I'd let Raven fly based on that.  But Nick just said "whoa"..and that he's never cheated on anyone..and he offers one more time for them to roller-skate together in the Milwaukee Art Museum....

Rose Ceremony.
there isn't one..again.
The irony is that the mental  health counsellor is putting down someone who she's assessed doesn't have enough emtotional intelligence.

I think my intelligence took a dip after this episode..
However
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!

Get out of your head

This felt like a 3 hour episode.
It starts with the cocktail party...where everyone is shocked that Nick had sex with Liz. What is so shocking? What if the sentence was truncated at sex. Would it still be shocking. I thought that it was shocking not his show when there are virgins...but one woman goes on to say it's surprising that it happened before the FOD..but then it would be okay with you if you were on an FOD.


They need to save that drama for the llama. Wait..there's more..Corinne happens to have a trenchcoar and a aerosol container of Reddi Whip. I liked how they blocked the Reddi Whip product placement.
Nick has enough wherewithal to refuse her advances not before a few hundred calories worth of whipped cream. You know what else looked whipped...Nick's hair? It had so much pouffy volume.
Corinne is upset that she is rejected...and goes from being sure she was going give him a sexy surprise to turning into a blubbering mess because he rejected her.

After people finished talking about how blinded sided they were..there was a cocktail party..but Corinne took a snooze. I get it..those parties (and rejection) are exhausting.

Rose Ceremony
some girls go home..i don't even know their name.

Backstreet (keeps coming) Back....alright.
Oh my gawd, they're back again.
The group date is EVERYBODY. The BSB come to the mansion to explain that the group date will be back up dancers...because..they are doing a residency in LV and they need to practice.

BSB still's got it....but you know who doesn't .Corinne...she is not feeling confident about her dancing. Nick also cannot dance, but what does he care..everyone is literally dancing around him all the time.
The girls practice..and Danielle is the winner..and Danielle and Nick are serenaded in front of 500 (?) it looked like 150..people. and they kiss. I would never "Want it That Way".


Zero G
Vanessa...the pretty Montrealer gets the date!! I don't get how this all works but they get weightless on a plane..but how did people film them..and good thing it was in slow motion...it seems pretty awkward even in slow mo.
Vanessa vomitted...Nick stroked her foot.? Is there some meridian that connects from your food to stomach...the then stroked her back. Well at least he didn't look grossed out. One of the crew had gum to give her because he kissed her.
To finish off this nauseating date he takes her to the tallest building..where she drank water and got super serious....Nick was feeling' her...not in a Corinne kind of way..and the Canadian gets the rose.

Nick-athalon
There are only 3 events and a bonus one for the top performers. In case anyone forgot the prize is Nick.

Someone bring out the team psychologist because Dominque is not dominating in the head game department. She kept talking about getting out of her head..but that's where she stayed..and in her head she was in last place. Gurrrrl you needed a pep talk.
I can't even get into the Nick events..but the final one was a sprint and the winner who crossed the line and brought the ring to Nick got to spend time with him in the hot tub on the track field. Astrid won..kinda by cheating...but nothing was holding her (or her boobs) back. She slipped into the hot tub for 1:1 time.

They all head to Big Daddy's for drinks...Nick takes Astrid aside..and this propels Dominique to head to the bathroom so she could not hide from the cameras but at least cry in a bathroom. Rachel tells her to get out of her head...then Rachel heads to spend some couch/smooch time with Nick.
Rachel is so pretty. Dominque is shattered...and then she goes to talk to Nick..to be straight 100 with him and tell him how he messed up and wasn't attentive enough. He listened attentively and let her go.

Rachel gets the group rose.

No cocktail party...pool party.
Can I just take a minute to say that everyone looks amazing in their bikinis?
All women throw themselves at him...Corinne throws herself on top of him in bouncy castle that she rented for her and Nick. Nick likes that she is playful...becuase he wants his wife to be playful. Speaking of, Vanessa wants to see if Nick is just being a playah.

and even though Vanessa has a rose..she don't have time for this behavour. You go Vanessa!!!!

Until next week,
I LOVE THIS SHOW.