Whoa! What a Bachelor. The FOD! Where they are going to talk..ALL NIGHT LONG.
Clare- the back pedal
Clare would like to have us believe she wants to skip on the FOD to keep it respectable. Do I believe it? Not for a moment. What I did enjoy was her getting JP to tell her that the FOD was okay this time but Vietnam (the ocean swim) was a no no. Even JP commented "Clare..why are you thinking so much". Apparently it's okay to go nighttime swimming with JP on week 9. I spent most of their date being distracted by Clare's dangly rounded turquoise beaded earrings. At least I focused on those and not her the pregnant pauses that were interspersed with her rapid-fire talking about nothing. But..she forgoes her individual room because she wants to let JP know how her heart feels.
Andi
In a voiceover.JP announces...tonight is my overnight with Andi. He doesn't say.."today I get to spend the day with Andi"..he's going right to night. Andi looks great in her red dress and flip flops. They meet, explore a town..and hey..they find some good times! (surprise)..they play some steel drums..and (surprise) JP has rhythm and is the life of the steel drum party. Then he starts a pick up game of soccer (looking good shirtless...all the wine and desserts isn't affecting his visceral fat) and then they cruise to a secluded picnic spot. Andi is feelin' it. They chat..JP asks her about her intent to find love. I think he was trying to get at if she was looking at falling in love for the sake of it, or if he was what she was looking for. They didn't get to the meat of the issue..but he was ok with her responses and then he tells her "there's nothing wrong with thinking" (he will come to regret that statement later). He presents her with the overnight key. She's on it! And they are in room #7 (note..not so lucky this time)
The next day...JP is in the same t-shirt and shorts that he played a sweaty game of pick up soccer in..and is telling the camera what a great overnight it was.
Meanwhile Andi is telling the cameras that it became clear to her that JP is not really interested in her, but in hearing his own stories. He was a name dropper and even brought up Clare's name! What the? How do you say ding dong in Spanish. Apparently there is not directly translation..but close enough would be estupdio or pendejo!
But JP thinks it was great..and he loves Andi's cheeks..the facial ones. JP has this annoying habit of stroking the girl's faces, tears, ears, eyebrows.
Nikki
Nikki strides in looking like she paired her belly dancing pants with her Pocahontas bikini top. I think she was going for island sexy...it kinda came across as Middle Eastern Disney. A ya yay..JP exclaims..Nikki and JP ride horses..quite proficiently it looks like..have a little picnic. The make it over to the fantasy suite which I think is the same room that Clare and Andi had.Nikki busts the L word. They overnight. It's awesome..apparently. And JP thinks that Nikki can be for him..because she is sexy, a good kisser and likes people.
Video messages
Standard video messages from Nikki and Clare..but Andi sets it up that she wants to talk in person.
A ya yay!!
Judge Judy would be proud
Andi walks in all fine looking in her lace shorts and white blouse. They sit to chat. She lays the groundwork for her case. Tells him she doesn't love him or see it working. JP's answer "That's okay".
The crescendo is slowly building. Andi tries in a step-wise fashion to explain why it's not working for her.JP seems incapable of understanding. The thing is..i think he's capable or understanding English..but they don't value the same things. There is a different between hearing and seeking to understand. JP was wrong when he said "there's nothing wrong with thinking"..there is plenty wrong with thinking if you want to be with JP. You need to leave your cerebral cortex at the door...then everything will be okay. JP kept saying "that's okay" if you are not feeling it. Then he tries to help Andi understand "You only have to worry about 1 guy, I have all the other women". I need to say estupido again. This dude does not get women, unless you are a woman who is satisfied only by hand holding, hair sweeping (or eyebrow preening), good abs, good salsa dancing and kissing...and that's about it. The guy can cry on a dime but that doesn't mean he's sensitive or empathic. Maybe his head is just full of water.Andi stated her case, JP doesn't have the capacity to understand.i think he's a frontal lobe guy. Her brain organ trumps all of his. Go Andi...go Andi...
And the rosees go to (and are accepted by)
Nikki and Clare
Me encante este show!!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Hometowns...zzzzz
I've been on a Bachelor hiatus. I had some bad fish (not of the online dating variety)..and I was very unwell..hence no blog last week.
Tonight I missed out on Nikki's hometown because I was with my other true love. GSP...went to see the documentary. I love GSP.
Not sure what shook down at Nikki's hometown, I just walked in to see Nikki in well-appointed lace blouse bidding the black SUV - presumably with JP inside adieu.
I LOVE Andi's dad
I vote Andi's dad to be the substitute for Chris Harrison should Chris be unable to fulfill his hosting duties. But first Andi greets JP and wants to get him out of his comfort zone and takes him to a shooting range. Umm Andi..the dude is from Venezuela..not exactly a bastion of peace. Not saying that JP is a gangsta..but I"m betting some of his Venezuelan peeps have have their own pieces.
I think the gun range was a bit more soothing than JP's reception from Andi's dad. Andi's dad's comment was "don't ask me if you'd have my blessing if something works out among the three, come tell me there is noone else for me but your daughter". Bullseye dad!! Word. On the other end..Andi's mom..wants to watch them dance.
Oddly Andi gets upset that her sister didn't give a lot of assurances about JP, but Andi just said she's wasn't sure she was 'there yet'. But then she says I think I'm closer to falling in love with JP.
I think Andi needs a Discovery..perhaps on the FOD?
The Need for Speed Promo
What an oddly placed promo for the movie. Am I being sexist, but wouldn't the Bachelor watching demographic, not be the same one as the one for the Need for Speed movie? I got up to get a snack during that promo. But didn't Chris get a bit better looking ...has he been working out? Been feathering his hair less??? dunno..or maybe JP is annoying me so Chris is looking better
Poor Ben
That Ben is one cute little dude. Renee annoyed me. It seemed weird to see Ben for the 1st time in 8 weeks and have JP there. To JP's credit he was pretty good. Renee's home visit was unremarkable. Her family seems pleasant. JP's unoriginal dispassionate proclamation about Renee to her brother. I like Renee, she wants a family and she wants a husband, she's straightforward. Whoa..for a hot blooded latino that was pretty milquetoast. I'm betting a dude with a side cap wearing, Metal Mulisha UFC t-shirt could come up with a more heartfelt description. Ugh JP. Made me think Renee was going not going to the FOD. She wanted to tell JP that she loved him..because she felt like it was a great day with Ben and the intro went well. Renee..look for more please...
The apple fell far from the trees
Oh gosh...i'm reaching the tipping point with Clare. Her voice , the fast talking bordering on baby talking..almost sends me over the edge. Gotta say her dad sounded like a lovely lovely man.
Actually Clare's mom (aka momma) when she finally was allowed to speak sounds like a gracious, kind accepting person. Clare's mom can speak Spanish? And Clare can't. Hmm Clare would probably be annoying in another language. The sisters seemed pretty nice too. When Laua's weirdness and interceptions ceased, she just seemed like she was trying to be a protective. Clare said she had a crazy family...nope..she's the crazy one..they all seem coolio.
Speaking of coolio, I was cool to this episode..but I can't wait till next
Whatever will happen?? It's the Bachelor like we've never seen it!!
Until
PS Renee got the boot (the soccer boot). She handled it well, as Renee would. I'm glad she didn't get picked..I think she needs someone who is way more into her....speedy recovery Renee!!!
Monday, February 10, 2014
The Outtake- who saw it
This episode...was meh as they say?
Do you know what that means? Meh means indifference or simply not caring. Juan Pablo learned a few lines or phrased too.like 'cut to the chase', bolt. I was a bit cool to this episode
Mind you, I think most to the girls were a bit chilly. New Zealand didn't seem particularly warm that time of year. But is was picturesque. A ya ya..as Juan Pablo likes to say.
First date:
Andi. She finally gets a date. She goes to "The Squeeze" with her "Squeeze". JP takes her on a chauffered whip around a body of water..(sans seat belt and life jacket again!). She doesn't know where they are going...but like all good bachelorettes, she has her bathing suit on under her casual outfit. Wow..she looks amazing in white pants. Then she also looks good in a one pieced. Did anyone else wonder how her bathing suit stayed put without riding up. They made there way to a warmer part and stood and canoodled (appropriately?) under the waterfall. A perfect photo op for a Bachelor date.
I guess making out in the waterfall is different than the ocean date with Clare.
Then they dine geyser-side and surprisingly? they get splashed. They hug and Andi tells him she wants true love. Right reason. Unoriginal.
The outake..did anyone see it? A sheep poop fight...how incredibly unsanitary and bacteria riddled...hopefully this isn't foreshadowing.
Do you know what that means? Meh means indifference or simply not caring. Juan Pablo learned a few lines or phrased too.like 'cut to the chase', bolt. I was a bit cool to this episode
Mind you, I think most to the girls were a bit chilly. New Zealand didn't seem particularly warm that time of year. But is was picturesque. A ya ya..as Juan Pablo likes to say.
First date:
Andi. She finally gets a date. She goes to "The Squeeze" with her "Squeeze". JP takes her on a chauffered whip around a body of water..(sans seat belt and life jacket again!). She doesn't know where they are going...but like all good bachelorettes, she has her bathing suit on under her casual outfit. Wow..she looks amazing in white pants. Then she also looks good in a one pieced. Did anyone else wonder how her bathing suit stayed put without riding up. They made there way to a warmer part and stood and canoodled (appropriately?) under the waterfall. A perfect photo op for a Bachelor date.
I guess making out in the waterfall is different than the ocean date with Clare.
Then they dine geyser-side and surprisingly? they get splashed. They hug and Andi tells him she wants true love. Right reason. Unoriginal.
Let love roll
Well, no safety needed here..hopefully the OGOs are puncture proof. The girls come for a little picnic..well it was more of a coffee date...and then JP takes them to the OGO. It looks super fun.
It's Cassandra's birthday! She's 22..and she thinks she could fall in love with JP. I thought it was ominous that JP didn't acknowledge her birthday. Seemed unlike the doting South American.
To celebrate rolling down the hill..they have a group cocktail party...which basically was a holding place for the girls while JP took most of the girls to the kissing chair. Oh..but they are on the set of the Hobbit..I'm guessing Sharleen is the only one who read the book (umm i haven't even seen the movie..is it a big deal to be on set?) JP overuses 'have a good time', but Sharleen's word in organic. Tonight..she feels it is inorganic. Now I sound like JP..what does that mean..like really? Then she kisses him..and then it's organic again. I'm not sure she has her organic labels correct. It's a confusing journey..that's for sure. All JP tells her is that she's nervous but that she's good..and then Sharleen feels understood.
But JP did have a change of heart and let Cassandra go. Cassandra handled it well..but really..did she really care about JP. Hopefully Cassandra had a nice birthday flight . Renee is now wondering if the single mom's are not the 'special ones' anymore. JP does say that he is mesmerized by Renee's eyes. I like Renne..i think she is an excellent reflective listener..but does anyone sense chemistry between those two? I dunno
I can't believe Clare is still here
My friend astutely texted me and said that he gave Clare a 1:1 so that she doesn't tell the girls what happened. Yep that's probaby right. Clare thinks JP should apologize for what he said to her...which noone is really saying anything what happened at 4 AM in the ocean. JP hands her some platitudes about his conduct in front of his daughter. Good idea..but maybe he should be aware that he is being filmed. That was JP back peddling. Clare somehow took this as an apology. I didn't hear an apology. JP asked her promise that she wouldn't cry because of him! What kind of request is that? Then her and JP put their comfies on and hang out on the couch. He made her change in another room (because he's decent that way that JP)..then she does an odd crotch grab on her Hammer pants. JP thinks those pants look better than her cocktail dress. They cuddle..she gets a rose..oh..and then they dance...which as we all know by now..turns into a salsa
Rose Ceremony
Despite Cat's deep reveal about her journalling and tough upbringing..she's denied a rose. She thought sealed the rose for her. Instead it sealed a different fate.
AFTer the escort to the care..JP is back..and Sharleen is crying..she's confused..and will give it one more week...that's her MO..she gives him one more try.
Guess where next week...Salsa capital of the US..MIAMI...do you think there will be salsaing. I say si!
Until next week..
me encante este show!
Monday, February 3, 2014
It happened Juan night
Hola! I mean Hollah!!..We're goin' to Vietnam yo.
And what happened in Vietnam does not stay in Vietnam..it gets broadcast internationally (well mainly in the US and Canada but available for download in the rest of the free world)
What happened one night was really not a romantic comedy..but a comedy of errors...but it leaves me to question...would the real Clare stand up (She always stands out..but we're not really sure who she is)
But back to the dates.
The girls arrive...there outfits for the voyage are either shorts and tank top or lycra capris. Sidebar: I know I'm obsessed with tank tops. But this Bachelor has thrown me into a tanktop tailspin. Is it the limited shopping in Edmonton , how have i missed all these tank top variations. One (of the dozens) of reasons i like this show is to see what the girls wear casually. I would like to pull off some of their casual fabulousness. Some great scarves too..not sure if they are trying to save their voices or whether it's a drafty place.
The girls arrive without luggage to the Intercontinental. Fabulous hotel. It makes the Bachelor mansion look cozy.
Date card..and it goes to.....
Renee...
Finally, Renee can step away from the therapist's couch to get some much Juan-ted attention from JP.
Guess what ? Renee wants to kiss him. she is so excited..and she's so nice that the other girls seem to be ok with her going on this date. She tries to curl her hair. Fail. What was the problem. humidity? converter blew? She applies copious layers of make up only to look like she doesn't have any one.
But she looks pretty Zen..but not chill..'cause Renee gets sweaty. More on that in a minute.She meets JP..he says..."we're going to have a good time". I think JP wants to set a new Bachelor record for phraseology. I think he says "we're going to have a good time" about 15 times in the episode. But Renee is already having a good time..you can tell the she strokes JP like a puppy. JP drives her in a cart, they sit on a boat. He buys presents for the kids. Then he is going to get a dress made for her. He is watching as she gets her measurements done and makes sure to zero in on the chest measurement. Renee is getting sweaty..JP goes to get a fan..Renee is moved by the gesture.Way to keep it classy.Renee wants to kiss him still. Denied. They go for a dinner..not a lot of conversation..just mutual compliments...she gets hot again..he starts to blow on her..hopefully there wansn't too much fish sauce or garlic i the dishi'm not convinced he's feelin' Renee..but he thinks there might be something there... Rose Yes. Kiss No. She says she's okay with not kissing him. yeah right.
Bamboo boats, Communal meal, drinks ...then halter top trouble
Who likes a group date? Noone! Well except JP...because 'we're gonna have a good time'.
The go boating in pairs. Clare and JP kiss in the grasses. Back on shore...they drop by a house. It kinda seemed like a farm. Cassandra noted...we should have this back home. Like farms Cassandra? Community gardens? Someone tell her please that not all food comes from Walmart. The girls gather herbs. Andi complains to JP..she gets reassurance from two words "Trust me". Hmm for a lawyer she doesn't gather a lot of evidence. Back at the hotel the girls and JP have some drinks. JP grabs Clare for a dip in his pool. She had her bikini! Not sure how long they dipped..but bac they came and JP takes most of the girls to talk...and look into his eyes on the beach. Clare gets the rose. Must have been a stellar dip Well...they say you shouldn't double dip..and that's what Clare did. At the respectable hour of 4 AM she thought she'd drop by to say Thank You. But she wanted to go into a bigger body of water. JP says he wants to make Clare feel comfortable . Torosh!t JP. I guess Clare likes saying thank you in the water. She also said it was pure bliss in every way. That is some water they have in Vietnam.
Nikki.
This was like Chelsea's date. Lots of cables and fear and trusting JP. Sigh...these dates are a bit Tony Robbins -esque..overcoming your fears leads to success..romantic success according to the Bachelor. Nikki wisely states I"m going to live, die or poo my pants. Surprise. She overcomes her fear. She draws a parallel of the descending into a cave like falling in love. Well except for the falling part. They change into something less comfortable and JP asks questions! he asks Nurse Nikki..why she became a nurse and why a pediatric nurse. He has a hard time with the word paediatric...not sure why..its exactly the same as spanish except you add an O. JP likes nikki and awards the rose.
As the tide turns...
Clare starts the night super confident and leads the toast with 'finding, being and making love'.
At the cocktail party..JP is wheelin' them in. He gives besitos to Andi. He changes his tune mid way with Renee..first telling her he treats her differently because of Ben..then she starts telling him its okay..then JP kisses Rennee. Cue happy symphony music. Renne spins out of control..well not really..but when she recounted the kiss to the camera she spun around a few times. Ok JP is a soccer player, good body, cute accent..but spin worthy? But did that kiss set someting off in JP...he is now wondering if he 'going into the water' with Clare was a good idea. And he decides to tell her it wasn't.
Does that public pronouncement absolve him? It's like it was a confession of bad behaviour. Clare is upset..obviously. JP was all about making her feel comfortable that night. JP tries to make Clare feel better by telling her to look at him, just 'delete' the thought and stop crying . (yeah that helps JP). Then he tries again by telling her its ok he just wants to be understood. The girls sense tension. Clare says she's got allergies. Perhaps she's allergic to the torosh!t that JP is feeding her.
Rose Ceremony
It's not surprising who leaves..the people who he never spoke too..Alli, Kelly and Danielle.
But everyone starts crying. JP, the departing girls and the remaining girls. Hmm..hopefully this doesn't turn into a Big Love type of scenario..maybe they could all live together on a bachelor ranch and have a farm...Cassandra can bring the farming concept back to the U S of A.
Until next week..in New Zealand
me encante este show!
And what happened in Vietnam does not stay in Vietnam..it gets broadcast internationally (well mainly in the US and Canada but available for download in the rest of the free world)
What happened one night was really not a romantic comedy..but a comedy of errors...but it leaves me to question...would the real Clare stand up (She always stands out..but we're not really sure who she is)
But back to the dates.
The girls arrive...there outfits for the voyage are either shorts and tank top or lycra capris. Sidebar: I know I'm obsessed with tank tops. But this Bachelor has thrown me into a tanktop tailspin. Is it the limited shopping in Edmonton , how have i missed all these tank top variations. One (of the dozens) of reasons i like this show is to see what the girls wear casually. I would like to pull off some of their casual fabulousness. Some great scarves too..not sure if they are trying to save their voices or whether it's a drafty place.
The girls arrive without luggage to the Intercontinental. Fabulous hotel. It makes the Bachelor mansion look cozy.
Date card..and it goes to.....
Renee...
Finally, Renee can step away from the therapist's couch to get some much Juan-ted attention from JP.
Guess what ? Renee wants to kiss him. she is so excited..and she's so nice that the other girls seem to be ok with her going on this date. She tries to curl her hair. Fail. What was the problem. humidity? converter blew? She applies copious layers of make up only to look like she doesn't have any one.
But she looks pretty Zen..but not chill..'cause Renee gets sweaty. More on that in a minute.She meets JP..he says..."we're going to have a good time". I think JP wants to set a new Bachelor record for phraseology. I think he says "we're going to have a good time" about 15 times in the episode. But Renee is already having a good time..you can tell the she strokes JP like a puppy. JP drives her in a cart, they sit on a boat. He buys presents for the kids. Then he is going to get a dress made for her. He is watching as she gets her measurements done and makes sure to zero in on the chest measurement. Renee is getting sweaty..JP goes to get a fan..Renee is moved by the gesture.Way to keep it classy.Renee wants to kiss him still. Denied. They go for a dinner..not a lot of conversation..just mutual compliments...she gets hot again..he starts to blow on her..hopefully there wansn't too much fish sauce or garlic i the dishi'm not convinced he's feelin' Renee..but he thinks there might be something there... Rose Yes. Kiss No. She says she's okay with not kissing him. yeah right.
Bamboo boats, Communal meal, drinks ...then halter top trouble
Who likes a group date? Noone! Well except JP...because 'we're gonna have a good time'.
The go boating in pairs. Clare and JP kiss in the grasses. Back on shore...they drop by a house. It kinda seemed like a farm. Cassandra noted...we should have this back home. Like farms Cassandra? Community gardens? Someone tell her please that not all food comes from Walmart. The girls gather herbs. Andi complains to JP..she gets reassurance from two words "Trust me". Hmm for a lawyer she doesn't gather a lot of evidence. Back at the hotel the girls and JP have some drinks. JP grabs Clare for a dip in his pool. She had her bikini! Not sure how long they dipped..but bac they came and JP takes most of the girls to talk...and look into his eyes on the beach. Clare gets the rose. Must have been a stellar dip Well...they say you shouldn't double dip..and that's what Clare did. At the respectable hour of 4 AM she thought she'd drop by to say Thank You. But she wanted to go into a bigger body of water. JP says he wants to make Clare feel comfortable . Torosh!t JP. I guess Clare likes saying thank you in the water. She also said it was pure bliss in every way. That is some water they have in Vietnam.
Nikki.
This was like Chelsea's date. Lots of cables and fear and trusting JP. Sigh...these dates are a bit Tony Robbins -esque..overcoming your fears leads to success..romantic success according to the Bachelor. Nikki wisely states I"m going to live, die or poo my pants. Surprise. She overcomes her fear. She draws a parallel of the descending into a cave like falling in love. Well except for the falling part. They change into something less comfortable and JP asks questions! he asks Nurse Nikki..why she became a nurse and why a pediatric nurse. He has a hard time with the word paediatric...not sure why..its exactly the same as spanish except you add an O. JP likes nikki and awards the rose.
As the tide turns...
Clare starts the night super confident and leads the toast with 'finding, being and making love'.
At the cocktail party..JP is wheelin' them in. He gives besitos to Andi. He changes his tune mid way with Renee..first telling her he treats her differently because of Ben..then she starts telling him its okay..then JP kisses Rennee. Cue happy symphony music. Renne spins out of control..well not really..but when she recounted the kiss to the camera she spun around a few times. Ok JP is a soccer player, good body, cute accent..but spin worthy? But did that kiss set someting off in JP...he is now wondering if he 'going into the water' with Clare was a good idea. And he decides to tell her it wasn't.
Does that public pronouncement absolve him? It's like it was a confession of bad behaviour. Clare is upset..obviously. JP was all about making her feel comfortable that night. JP tries to make Clare feel better by telling her to look at him, just 'delete' the thought and stop crying . (yeah that helps JP). Then he tries again by telling her its ok he just wants to be understood. The girls sense tension. Clare says she's got allergies. Perhaps she's allergic to the torosh!t that JP is feeding her.
Rose Ceremony
It's not surprising who leaves..the people who he never spoke too..Alli, Kelly and Danielle.
But everyone starts crying. JP, the departing girls and the remaining girls. Hmm..hopefully this doesn't turn into a Big Love type of scenario..maybe they could all live together on a bachelor ranch and have a farm...Cassandra can bring the farming concept back to the U S of A.
Until next week..in New Zealand
me encante este show!
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