Monday, July 23, 2012

Shortest Rose Report ...ever

Emily picked Jef.
The end.
Just kidding...
Yawwn! I'm tired. Finding true love is exhausting.
Thank God (and Mary and Dave) for PVRs...we started late (Welcome home by the way) and thankfully we could glide through commercials.

So here are some points. Truth be told, I was riveted and didn't take careful notes..and was at the end of my end of the couch for the very emotional parts...and there were emotional parts.

Parental meeting:
Emily's parents, brother and mostly mute sister-in-law approved of them both and provided not help to her with decision making.
I thought both Arie and Jef were dressed fairly casually in jeans and t-shirt. And Arie brought a quasi-regifted gift. His rose awards. Hmm? Odd and I didn't see how that would be thoughtful..as a 'gift' to
Emily..but the the family? Definitely a "holy crap I should give a gift so that it looks good but all I have is mainly dead roses that may have some meaning and I"ll it put it in a decorative box that is from the hotel lobby".
That's what I thought of Arie's gift.

Note-not at all related to the journey to true love
What kind of brutally low fibre, high glycemic index breakfast did poor Ricky have...white bread and grape jelly. Hmm..maybe fibre is tough to come by on the island. Then some poor birds got the leftovers.

Individual dates
Jef and Emily sit on the beach and have a big serious discussion-rare on this show. then Emily decides she's going to introduce Jef to Ricky. Ricky speaks! Jef dons pink goggles and they all have a blast in the pool. Sweet. Jef does well.
then they get out of the pool and Emily walks Jef to the door to say 'get ready for dinner'. Emily shows up at Jef's casa where there is one piece of dessert on the table. Did each of them forgo their individual dinners for a chance to share a dessert in Jef's suite? Hmm..maybe the pool date lasted too long and their wasn't enough time for dinner.
Jef continued with the lack of creative gift idea. He stopped in the bookstore and bought a book on Curacao! and drew stick figures in it because he's all zany like that.

Emily is thrilled with their date..

So much so..that she needs a Chris intervention.
Emily's sad! She's confused..well no not really...she doesn't want to fake a date with Arie whilst she knows she has made up her mind with Jef. Woo-hoo! Here's to figuring out what you really really really want. Chris tells her to tell Arie exactly what she said to Chris.

And she did not.

Love potion-Dinah's potion doens't work for Arie.
Unsuspecting Arie is walking along..much more walking on this episode than any other. maybe gas prices are high on the island...when Dinah pops out and tells Arie he will make a love potion. I am gripped with the futility of this endeavour. He picks flours, pours some tonic into them and then massages them and bottles it.

Emily arrives..and he says he has some potion..and he rubs it on her arms.hmm..maybe he didn't get the directions right. Maybe he was supposed to rub it on him? or maybe he made repellant by accident.
Emily sits Arie down and says...a lot of things..but not much..but Arie gets the jist..kisses her and says I should go. Yup. Right-o..but Emily..driven by guilt wants to make it okay...that's tough...you can't console the person you are breaking up with..a wise woman once said.

Arie climbs into the vehicle..bewildered.

Jef..meanwhile goes to meet NEIL LANE. who always introduces himself by his first and last name. He helps Jef pick a ring..and gives some platitudes..the ring 'cements the deal'.

Ceremony.
Emily is looking gorgeous..a wee too much bejewelling and bedazzling up top..but her dress is prett and flowy. It still sounded like she wasn't sure she's accept a proposal. She mentioned (about 5 times) that she didn't want to be teh person who was engageed 15 times and didn't get married. Now Emily..not that i'm counting..but its only been twice and you are going on 3. Worse to get married 15 times..then I'd say Charlotte, we've got a problem.
Jef arrives.also looking super stylish...i didn't notice his shoes..perhaps he chose leather? dunno.
Emily started the conversation..and told him he's the one.and that she loved him..and that only he met Ricky..and Arie didn't have adate. Jef said some beautiful things and got down on one knee..and Emily accepted..after 10 seconds.I think she was contemplating whether she would accept this proposal. She said YES!
They kiss.
Ricky comes out..she wore cute yellow wedges.
They all look adorable together.

After the rose...
Poor Arie..busted up..but not broken. Flew to Charlotte and gave emily his journal. Awesome that he kept a journal. also aweome that she didn't read it.
Ashley and JP on the show. Ashleyis still annoying.
Deanna was on too. or should I say Deeyawna. nothing interesting.
Then Mr. Stagliano..super upbeat..despite being unlucky in love:) Word.

Jef and Emily..in public. I like Jef. would  not have picked him for the end.
He's really super sweet..almost too sweet..but with his confidence he pulls in off.
He will move to Charlotte so as not to uproot Ricky.
But first..they are going to Africa...at this juncture.I'd like to point out my friend's brilliant idea for a documentary called "Africa: it's not a country".

But the couple is all good..they seem solid.
I heard he next Bachelor is Roberto..but not formal announcement..seems like all the press is going to Bachelor Pad..which promises..to by skanky..I mean entertaining.

Until next season Bachelor faithful...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Men shouldn't tell all

Here's an idea.
Next season, if your time is tight, find out when men or women tell all is- and watch that episode. That will fill you in completely and captures the embarassing, sweet, dumb, dumb-a$#, insulting and romantic highlights of all the show.

So. Many. Repeats.

Even a PVRd version (thanks Michelle!) was a bit too long.

Chris continues to exceed expectations as a host. He is funny, appropriately irreverant and remains likeable.

So as one of the bachelors said-the man claws are out.

You know, male or female, griping, whining and complaining is highly unappealing. I do enjoy it in small doses on this show when men complain and gossip about one another- traits that are stereotypically assigned to females. The 'bro code' if one does exist is smashed on this show.
Chris was complaining about Ryan, MC Stevie about Kalon, Doug about Kalon...and Sean about noone..well because Sean is perfect..for me..i mean to me:)

Kalon's BS is unparalleled in Bachelor history. Stevie, Chris H, Doug AND Emily called him on it.
Emily wishes that he finds faith in something larger than his Prada shoes and rented helicopter. Amen sista. For the record, I doubt Kalon's shoes are that big;)

And the attitude of gratitude goes to........oh wait...there's a tie..to Sean ANC Chris. They both are very thankful to Emily for opening their eyes to true love. Chris is now a believer in true love...and Sean now believes that a woman can break up with him. But seriously.how awesome is Sean's mom when she sagely said that this will be healthy for him in the long run.

Chris (host) did ask Chris (bachelor) if he had anger issues. You know...I thought I saw a lot of anger in Chris' eyes too...hmm..well...seems like Chris switches to another less helping coping mechanism..of switching up partners faster than you can say Polish polka on the Bachelor bad. Perhaps the Bachelor pad will put a "one two three and one two three" back into his step. Hopa!

Can't say I've ever seen a full episode of the Bachelor pad...it seems like it is chock full on drama..it's like Big Brother, Wipe Out and Survivor all rolled into one.

A final word about Emily. Emily came out looking smashing in a rose coloured dress. I thought she could have chose a more classic shoe (perhaps like Kate's signature nude heel)...but nevertheless she looked gorgeous. She did use the very base metaphor of 'ripping him a new one' when speaking about Kalon. Sigh. Not elegant. However, she was lovely with Sean, graciously self depracating with Doug and pleasantly congenial with Ryan.

I heard a rumour (thanks Kristy's bf)..that Chris and Emily might have a thing..whah??????!!!!...is this the cause of her not being certain..and to add to that rumour..Chris chooses not to ask if she's engaged or in love. Perhaps he can't bear to hear the answer..or maybe she'll preset the final rose to him.

I can't get enough of this drama....can't wait till NEXT SUNDAY....only 6 more days!!
Until Sunday, I love this show!!!!

Monday, July 9, 2012

The Curacao for Bachelorette Boredom

Wow-the season is a game changer.

Being a seasoned, dedicated viewer-the FODs hold a special ritual the FOD card is never turned down..andsometimes the woman says "lets go check it out" meaning I don't want to say yes right away but Yes.

This show the FOD meant the Fantasy hang out suite for a bit...but not even for all of them.

First..a google search tells me they're in the Carribean..I had no idea where Curacao is..except on some drink menus. I really need to read my "Complete History of the World Book" sometime.

First on the island..my vote for Emily...hunky, hulking, bulky, bicepy Sean. Sigh. He's the Thor of these Avengers. Sean and Emily had a beach day- some conversation..Emily wanted him to say the 143...but he held off. First some snorkeling. She said she had a nice dinner planned for him later. Where was the dinner? At the 'dinner ' date...I think Sean's luggage got lost because he was wearing the same shorts and another unfortunate v-neck tshirt. I prefer the crew variety.  They really like letter writing on this episode.Sean wrote a letter to Ricky-sweet and heartfelt. I heart Sean..this letter trumped Jef's last week. EMily presented teh date card...and she says she wants to spend more time with him. Sean accepts more time..but..he doesn't say overnight...and he's down with that.
Sean is awesome. I like Sean.

Jef
Wow..what was Jef thinking when he packed those shorts. Were those PJ shorts.  Emily is happy to see pj boy...the board a very windy sailboat..that tosses their hair around.but the appetizers on the plate seem to remain planted on the plate. I didn't get it..but I don't sail. They sail to shore..and somehow get to shore....by swimming? dunno..but they have a change of clothes. They do have a dinner to go to...Emily is wearing something sparkly (surprise)...and Jef had a change of clothes...Jef asks some hard hitting questions...the good questions..like where will we live, why don't things work out with you and other dudes (fyi..dumb question...especially if another single person is asking...)Emily repeats those questions to him. Apparently Emily is very mobile and will move her and Ricky. Emily says that he ignites self confidence in her. The only thing I find flammable about Jef is his hair product. Oops..that and when he burned Emily..she didn't get scorched from her self confidence but when he turned the down the date card faster than you could say hot tub. Ouch. Jef said that they had to bridle their passions...yep...that's his ranch talk. They did sit on the big comfy couch in the suite...it looked like the couch from the kids show.

Arie..
Arie is cute..and a great kisser...but when I see him..he kind looks like he's having an allergic reaction to something..like he' slightly stuffed up...maybe a sinus thing. Arie's the last date to arrive. I think Arie and Sean had the same shorts. To make up for the missed footage from teh fantasy overnight suites...there was ample time for Arie and Emily.. to kiss again and again and again. Emily and Arie go to swim with dolphins..but Arie pushes the dolphin away..toprotect Emily.
Now on to the date..they do have a dinner. Suprisingly Arie has a lot of questions..and he has some ideas about how to build a relatioship with Ricky. Sweet.  Emily asked Arie some lifestyle questions..like when he gets up..Arie gets up around 9 am. And Arie eats out for every meal. Well..that will change if Arie rolls into Ricky's life-he willhave a rude awakening..way earlier than 9 AM:)

 Most emotional deliberation ever..
I know this is a show, heavily edited, not grounded in toomuch reality..but I think Emily is quite genuine..and that she really felt a bit messed up.  Well clearly she didn't think through her outfits. I think she forgot her matching sparkly top to her mermaid bottom..and  decided to wear her Gap tank top..and all the jewellery she owned to detract from her plain top.

She looked a bit dazed when she was watching the video messages. I honestly thought it was going to be Sean the last man standing. Turned out he was teh first man sitting...in the car on the way to the airport! What? Sean? Why?????? Why Sean? Slow golf clap for Sean for keeping his composure in the car. What an elegant, eloquent, dignified exit.

I don't get it...I still don't get it. I heart Sean..for Emily I mean.

Next week....Men tell all...
And then..the finale is on a Sunday? What? What next...they give out carnations...My bachelor world is turned upside down.

PS I think Chris is trying to copy Jef's hair.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Hooray for Hometowns!

Why do I like hometowns? Well..partly because it is an insight into the gene pool of the last four standing, but mainly because it means that we are one week about from the FOD (the Fantasy Overnight dates)...which include the ritual surprise of the 'card from Chris'.
But alas.it's Hometowns..and there's only room for three on the FOD..so she must let one loose tonight..before they all get loose next week.

Chris
Well..Chris is from Chicago...one very cool city..apparenly also windy. But what a disappointment of a date. Not that I don't like exploring other people's cultures..but I thought he could have taken her to a few more interesting places.  A quick google check revealed the Chicago has the most Polish people outside of Warsaw-hence the Polish themed date. The Polish restaurant had kitschy decor.and  I think they drank beer..then they went to Chris' parents house. John -Chris' dad..seemed very sweet. The sister was bit tough on Emily..then it was time for a bit to eat. No too much food styling happened b/c the blue corningware dish was prominently featured. Then one more surprise. A polka party, replete with accordians (awesome-and I'm not being sarcastic),  Polish party goers, costumes and of course..polka tunes. I think Emily tried to turn the two step into a polka (add one more step)..but wasn't overly successful. Chris told her he loved her. Of course he did. Accordians do set a mood..and make your heart race.
note: I love polkas.



Jef.
Wow..Jef's got a ranch. Well he needs a ranch to house the family. Do you think Jef's family really couldn't tear themselves away from a charity event in South Carolina to meet the bachelorette from North Carolina. Perhaps they don't approve of Jef's reality show appearance.
Well.Annie.I mean Emily get  your gun...cause you're gonna shoot clay pigeons.and shoot she did..because she takes shooting lessons at home. Of course. Right. Why wouldn't you?
Emily had a good shot...and so did jef..in his skinny jeans.
And Jef wants Emily to always hold a gun.

I'll leave that comment alone.
But back at the ranch...really back at the ranch..all 17 of his family was there. Was it a dry picnic? Not that they don't have enough alcohol on the show..but was wondering if Jef was Mormon and if they talked about this. I was wracking by brain wondering if Jef drank on the show before...but I never thoght Jef would make it this far...so didn't pay too much attention.
Emily faced this sister panel very well and won them over.
When they were off were a walk...what was with Emily's side shimmy dance..perhaps she still had the music in her from polkapalooza in Chris' backyard.
Jef then read a very sweet love letter to Emily. I enjoyed the fromage thoroughly..I do like to indulge in it from time to time.

Arizona and Arie
Well, Emily quite eloquently says that Arie looks stupid hot. He must get stupid hot in that racing gear in Arizona. They go for a spin around the track..then change in time to meet his parents.  Arie warns his parents are European and different. And again...she's probably thinking..hey..i just left little Warsaw in Chicago...what else are  you going to throw at me. Emily gets a cool reception then had the family speak in Dutch in front of her. Rude. Arie translates. then Mieke..arie's mom..takes her to the bedroom. I would have been on edge...Mieke doesn't seem overly friendly...but they bond over talking about Arie and racing..and Mieke gives her approval. Arie's father seems very sweet..and is supportive.
Arie walks Emily to her car. Seriously..Arie gets high points for excellent kissing technique. Arie says he definitely wants to marry Emily.


Sean
Sean..looking very boyish in his striped shirt walking his dogs...greets Emily..they walk the very well behaved dogs. I've never noticed this before but both Sean and Emily lick their lips alot. Is it that dry in Dallas.or have I missed this all along.
Sean takes her to his parents home...plays a joke on her that he still lives there. It was funny after i found out he didn't live there. The smashed chips and half eaten cookie looked a little extreme...but I did believe he did live at home..and I was just about to vote him off the Fantasy Overnight Date..but he came back...nice! Phew! Emily handled it very well. Then I vote Seans' dad the sweetest man ever. I just wanted to hug him ...so loving and caring. His mom seemed super sweet too. It is an awesome family. Emily had to say good bye..an dthen Sean had to run after her vehicle for one more kiss. First Prague, then DAllas..what is with the running and yelling her name. A bit much.

Rose Ceremony-hold the cocktail party
Eek..who would it be..but first..why another hideous dress.  does the bachelor budget blow all the money on travel and resort and does not allot enough for dresses...leaving gowns with bedazzling to try to leave an impression that this is a fancy dress. Sorry Emily..those are some awful dresses. Stick to the dresses you wear on your dates.

And the rose count down...Arie (of course), Jef (yep)..and Sean!! Later Chris. What rhymes with Chris and starts with a P and it means you're mad...yep Chris was p#@$ed!!!! he was angry. He seemed more angry than hurt. When they sat on the bench outside he said "i told you I loved you"..like that's a guarantee.And in the limo ride off..he said "I'm 10 x the man than any guys in the room"...eek..that's going to be played back for sure at the men tell all.
Guess that means the polka band has one less wedding booking this year.

until the FODs...I love this show!!