One cold (and short) episode

Well...I was all excited that some of my favourite things coincided...my birthday, a day off AND the Bachelor...and then...whah..only a 1 hour?? Oh well..i guess i have more time to celebrate my birthday.

Andi D knocks on Nicks door..and not to break up with him...she needs to talk to him...she still seems cold, more like frosty. She's got some unpleasant vibes. Apparently she just wants to see what's up..and the conversation requires whiskey. It was a big waste of time..and truth be told.it was a bit of an awkward reconciliation visit. While the girls are lining up outside for the rose ceremony...Andi and Nick are warming up with some whiskey. Nick tells Andi he's not just going to pick someone because he's the bachelor..it seemed like a bit of a jab.that Andi chose Josh over Nick and we all know how well that went. Then Andy wants to know if Nick is going to have sex on the Fantasy Overnight Date (FOD)..and then Nick says he's not sure. He regrets that he had heartache and pain. But then we get to the real reason that Andi is there...Andi gives him forgiveness for outing that they slept together on the Men Tell All...she says do't let something you said a few years ago hold you back. Whah? It didn't sound like it was a problem...seems like and needed to have this out.

The girls are chilling  freezing on the outdoor patio to have the rose ceremony. I still think this is the Bachelor on a budget and the producers probably didn't want to rent a banquet hall for a short ceremony..i'm guessing the patio was free(zing).  Some of them didn't look like they were ready with the right jacket for the dress. I'm guessing they were thinking "Damn, I'm covering up my cut-out dress with this coat that doesn't really go with my outfit". Love Vanessa, but her jacket looks like one she wears on supervision at recess.

Nick-not a lyrical Jesse James- says to the group in acknowledging the hometowns..that all families were "uniquely special".

I thought the person going home was going to be Vanessa that goes..but it's..
Corinne!
She whimpers during the announcement...Nick walks her out..she apologizes to Nick for anything she did wrong. He reassures her..she did nothing wrong and he will "miss the hell out of her". Rainier Rilke he is not.

Corinne makes an existential switch. She proclaims she won't worship guys anymore and won't set out to impress men. They need to impress her. You go girl. But first have a nap. Dating can be exhausting.

Are the FODs going to heat up?
We are going to Frosty Finland to find out!!! Only a few hours of sunlight...and they can see the Northern lights...kinda sounds like Edmonton...:)

Raven gets the first one on one.  I should have had a nap before this date. So boring, even thought it was a helicopter date around Lapland Finland.  First..this date was at a pub (this could have been in Edmonton soooo many pubs in Edmonton). They have drinks and play darts and have boring conversation where Raven typically repeats what Nick says or gives a milque-toast response. For example
Nick: What was your favourite part of hometown date.
Raven "everything was my favourite"

Nick has to all the heavy lifting in the conversation department.  Even though this episode was one hour Raven's date made it feel like the show was longer. She's nervous, so nervous. Because this FODis a big deal and she loves Nick and she wants fireworks..zzzzzz. Oh..and speaking of O...she's never had one. She lobs that at Nick too. Yikes... hopefully the attraction he feels for her compensates for all the work and expectation on him.

And then...
the show ends?
Why is this only an hour? Why did they announce that Rachel was the bachelorette already?

I feel my world has been turned upside-down...well not really.. a little sideways...but that was from my birthday party Saturday night..
Until Next week's 3 HOUR episode..
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!

Hello Hometowns

Howdy Hoxie
The first hometown is in Hoxie, Arkansas. Raven meets Nick on an ATV, wearing a pink helmet.. They they go visit a steel structure..not sure if that was  grainery and are stopped by a a police officer who asks them for ID..almost seemed like the trailer for Get Out (but wait this is Raven's date, not Rachel's)..but phew..it's her brother. haha. He meets the police officer bruh and it's all good. They ATV on..and then seem to take turns straddling each other in a  bog/marsh/reed-filled water.  Maybe how that's how things get hot in Hoxie..but I'd think that's how people get Lyme disease.

It goes from marshy to mushy when they meet her parents...where they announce that Raven's pa is now cancer free. (this was my first cry of the Bachelor)...Not sure why they'd share when Nick was around..but i'm super happy for Raven's dad. I don't think Raven's dad gives a whip about Nick..he just wants Raven to be happy..and straight up tells Nick "I didn't expect to like you". Awesome. But what wins on this episode is how Nick kinda asks for the dad's blessing in a way that is almost as clever as the phrase 'alternative facts'.  He says something like"if we both come of the end of this and decide together that we want to get engaged and your daughter is happy, would I have your blessing that we go through with this".  That is genius..he gets Raven's dad's kinda blessing for the kinda request.

Dallas
Disclosure. I'm white. So this might sound super white. What was the Rachel is black Nick is white theme. Was this to create drama??...and why is this suddenly an issue??
Rachel took him to church...and a church that is WAY more fun and energetic than the the one I go to...no swaying and stomping at my church. It was pointed out that it's a primarily black church(super obvs). Nick had fun....they got to lunch..don't eat and head to Rachel's family's house.  This might sound anti-white..however the most annoying person on that date was the white dude (not Nick)but Alex. And not sure why the race issue kept coming up because Rachel's sister married annoying Alex who said to Nick "I can't help but noticing you're white". Whah??? Alex..look at the Man in the Mirror..oops wrong Michael Jackson song..i don't know know any of the words to Black or White.
Yeeesh..i might break up with Rachel knowing that I'd have to have dinners with annoying Alex..her sister seemed very in your face and confrontational..i have a feeling those two just like attention. Rachel's mom seemed nice...but she did acknowledge the elephant in the room...but she always taught her daughters to look at people's heart first:)



Miami
Corinne is actually showing glimpses of vulnerability...and I like it. But first. The mall. Corinne meets Nick at the mall and they go shopping!!! and Corinne buys Nick a 3000.00 outfit:) Now I wonder if this influences whether he gives her the rose. And if he doesn't would he have to return the clothes? After the shopping they stop at the food court ..it's a perfect setting for Corinne to tell Nick she loves him. then they pick up their bags and head off the the family condo. We meet Raquel (who I just wanted to hug)...and Corinne's family. Corinne's dad looks he's from the northside.. They all have some marinated olives and then Nick and Jim go to chat. Nick asks for the 'alternative blessing'. Not it's not really the blessing, but in the event that it is Corinne, would he have a blessing.
Then Jim asks Corinne if she would be okay being the breadwinner. I mean, you can't just survive on olives. Corinne is okay with it. Corinne says that Nick wasn't the guy that she thought that she deserved to have then she thought she should start believing that she should. Nice work Corinne. You just go love yourself (I can't help myself with quoting aBieber :)

The date ends.they take the elevator ride down and the parents watch the couple make out from the window .

Bienvenu au (or Benvenuti?) Montreal
What the what was Vanessa wearing. Not who..but what. She was wearing everything. I didn't know what to look at..the pirate shirt, the furry vest, the leather pants with zippers on the knees. I think she tried to incorporate every trend..well except the pirate shirt..i think she meant the off the shouder white shirt that was very 2016 but is still being carried in 2017.
I thought there would be more Canadiana in this hometown. Mais non. Oh Quebec..always a touch difficult.
They go to her school..on a Sunday..where Nick meets her students and they make a scrap book for the couple...i'm sure there were a lot of waivers signed to make that happen. Then they go meet Vanessa's mom's side of the family complete with nono and nonna.  I kinda feel like I was visiting a friend on the northside. I guess the cement lion phenomena is not restricted to northside Edmonton Italian homes. Plenty of religious statues and rosaries.  It was a heavy date..and I"m not talking about all the carbs on the table. They were a gregarious but not a happy bunch. They were all SO WORRIED that Vanessa would be hurt again. Let's all just put our pasta fork and spoon down for a second and check ourselves. First , there are not guarantees in dating or life. Second this is a reality show that's been on for like 15 seasons. We know the drill. There are others. It's a little Sister Wives..but likely it goes down to 1 person at the end (well..nick has flunked out at this  twice..but maybe 3rd times a charm).
Vanessa's sister kinda reminded me of Celine Dion by her look and kinda like Jenny from the Block (early days) because or those super large hoops. She was a very confrontational. Vanessa's mom...not as in your face.but also so worried. Maybe Vanessa needs A LOT of support after a breakup.
They head over to Vanessa's dad..who made me laugh. He called Nick out on his 1/2 culo (that's ass in Italian) attempt to ask for a blessing. He's like "whaddya mean, there are 3 other women, did you ask them for their blessing". And Nick is called out on the 'alternative blessing request". Love it. They sit awkwardly and then Pat, the dad, relents.  Pat talks to Vanessa and she's encouraged that Nick asked for a blessing...then she has the smarts to ask if he asked other people and her dad has to break the news Yes he did. Ah. being a parent sounds hard.  Vanessa is flummoxed by this. I'm flummoxed by how she can be flummoxed by this. Basically we're both confused..and Vanessa leaves her hometown thinking she needs answers. Yeah sister, don't we all.

Rose ceremony.
The Bachelor is still on a budget. Yes the Rose Ceremony will be in NYC..but it's happening in Brooklyn..not Manhattan...
Each one of them seems to have their own room.and they all are out on their own terraces pondering what will be their fate.
Someone is shown walking to Nick's room..i was thinking it was Vanessa..but it's...gasp....Andi??
Whah??? Maybe she thinks Nick needs a lawyer? or maybe she wants to be a part of Nick's life again.

Ahhh..we have to wait...
Until Next Week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Cost reduction on the Bachelor

This was a sad sad episode.
After Nick lets Danielle go, he calls in Chris for a consult. Chris doesn't have time to put his flip flops on so he does it barefoot. Chris asks the exaggerated question...do you want to pull the plug?
The girls are back in their room worked up in a a lather that Nick may call it quitsville.

Nick goes to their room..and says 'where is everyone' the whole room gathers in a posse. He addresses the room and says "I see what I want in this room" Somehow this is supposed to be flattering to everyone yet noone specifically. This show is spectacularly bizarre..and the girls are relieved..and to make them all feel better...there will be no rose ceremony...but there will be a flight to the romantic island of .......
Bimini!!!!!!!!

Bimini??
What the? It's one letter off of bikini..but that's all i got for Bimini.  It looks like  a sad little island with some row housing for a resort...and a Hilton.

Go Deeper;Vanessa
The first 1:1 with la Canadienne. Vanessa's never been on a boat..but she looks pretty comfortable donning flippers and jumping in l'eau. They kiss underwater. And then they go sit at a dining table and Vanessa is supah-dupah confident that her and Nick and her are on the same page..until she says she's falling for him and he doesn't say anything..but says let's go somewhere...and then the date ends..(bad editing). Well Vanessa went deep..and Nick kept on the shallow end.

Both feet first
Whah? That's a recipe for falling on your face...this group date seemed like Kristina was in the lead..if you're taking how enthusiastically one massages suntan lotion into the other person. Nick announces they will be swimming with sharks. That's fun..Kristina sees one and gets out of the boat and Nick follows.  Later there's a wine and cheese event..where Corinne is popping cheese cubes. She may be the only bachelorette who eats on the show. Kristina gets 1:1 time first. Somehow him and Raven have more chemistry..i think after she says her parents are together and madly in love. Madly be the operative word..if one or the other steps out of line.there's loose gun laws in Texas and we already know Raven gave the beats to a cheating ex..and the cliche goes that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, On this date, there's a rose for some reason. and Raven gets it.

Corinne's self proclaimed platinum is not even ranked. Corinne awkwardly walks over to the Hilton in platform heels. I saw my nine year old goddaughter walk around in my heels this weekend and she could run laps around Corinne. Maybe Corinne still had sea legs from the earlier boat ride..but she could barely walk in those shoes. She goes to visit Nick and wants to make him feel better. Nick ends up rejecting her ..saying he doesn't want to make the same mistake he did with Kaitlyn...oh Nick you and your kissing and telling. But good on ya for not going there..Bimini crickets!!! She thought she had this in the bag.

zzzzzzzz Danielle's date.
The only thing remarkable about the date was how perfectly arched her black cut off short were. I'm sure she got some kind of fancy shears at Michaeal's and methodically clipped those shorts...she likely had wayyyyy too much time on her hands on the show and thought she use some crafting skills on the shorts. the bike down a paved path..then have wicker container of beer. is that Bimini thing..were they not trying to promote  a beer brand?? They go to dinner. not eat dinner..she shares her feels...nick doesn't have the same feels..so her walks her out. Danielle is wearing another very short short outfit (this one factory stitched) and she has to collect her things.  The girls are sadnotsad to see her go. And true to the date card..she rode into the sunset.

short and sweet date:Rachel
They have a chill (read no cost) date. They have a beer. The bartender asks how they met. I don't think they get the Bachelor on Bimini..maybe the bartender does not care that a camera is filming this encounter. I think Nick is really into Rachel..and likes that she's smart and confident..She's never brought home a white dude. Nick is already self conscious that her dad will wonder if he's a ding dong. Rachel floats back to the room..literally an hour later..and announces it was amazing.

Corinne is beginning to unravel. This supports my theory that when people overtake their 'game', confidence etc..it's typically a ruse. (which may not lead to a rose:)


Loose cannon.
Nick..suddenly realizes he is not feeling it with Kristina..not sure when those feelings shifted..but he must tell her. So he tells her..and she hops into a black truck..barefoot..not even enough time to get her shoes.

There are 4 girls left..and 4 roses..will they all get hometown? Will he cut another loose???
Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW

I can't see clearly now

Everything is sooo confusing. I think what we have here is paradox of choice with a dash of hint of paralysis analysis...but alas he is forced to make decisions as the FODs are coming the FODs are coming.

This is why my dad has always says "don't sit on two chairs" but Nick's got like 10 chairs...and some of those legs sure are wobbly. Some of the wobbliness you can blame on the Henny..but some are poorly constructed.

We come back to the bachelor mid date..while Nick and Corinne having dinner  enjoying each other 's company and Taylor marches in. She's been freshly spritzed by some kinda priestess and she's going to give Nick the straight up goods. Now I think there should be some type of rose legislation that states once you've been given the official good-bye from your date that you can't come back for seconds.  Taylor comes back to tell Nick that he was lied to...Nick is an excellent reflective listener and thanks her for her time. Taylor still goes home.

Guess that special ceremony didn't have any special powers.

Corinne gets the rose.

No cocktail party..just a rose ceremony...and the budding dolphin trainer and Jamie say good by. Let's take a minute to acknowledge the crystals on Jamie's dress. Did she steal those from the chandeliers in the mansion. That was the gaudiest fancy dress i've seen.

The are all off to St. Thomas where they get...
Island Fever

They all go a little coconuts on the island. They get to their hotel. jump on the beds(?). and all get on the balcony to wave Nick in.
Kristina gets the one on one. They get on a seaplane. He's looking for backhanded compliments.."how do you like your first one on  one?" Like she is supposed to show great gratitude for being chosen. Nick then chooses an old cold war reference says  he plans to knock a wall down so he can get into her mysterious Russian past. Wrong reference for the wrong country. and relations are anything but cold between Russia and the US these days.
Kristina and Nick frolic in the waters..and then they go to dinner and sit in front of their food while Kristina recounts how she didn't have food and she ate lipstick. So sad. But I'd expect her to eat on this date.Kristina's Russian teacher's metaphor for living in the US (living in Russia would be black and white but living in the US would be living in colour) was beautiful and layered. Good move on Nick to use it to say that she adds colour to his life when she is around (despite her wearing a white dress on the date..but we get the point) Kristina seems super lovely..and she gets the rose!!

One. Tense. Group Date.
Holy bananas that was a stressful date. The girls all look effortless in their shorts and breezy tops when they go meet Nick. That's when the breeziness ends. Not even alcohol could loosen up this crowd. Beach volleyball was difficult and then even that got to stressful when Jasmin pushed Corinne. Even our lovely French Canadian's formage kinda slipped off her craquelin as even she got to crying saying she's been so patient with the process but that this is so hard.
I do think this show provides a clear picture of what it's like when one is "too much in one's head".
Jasmin was the loosest cannon of them all. And the talk of the chokey. Jasmin just got all 99 shades of the dark van is coming for you and your luggage to get your a$% off the island. I was scared for Nick.
Nick did award the rose to the woman who assaulted her boyfriend. Raven.

2:1
Whitney and Danielle are on this date. Whitney is either super chill or a wee dense. They get on a helicopter ride our to an island...there really is no fun on this date, although they do get to be protected from the sun on a comfy bench where they are served drinks. From the 1 minute conversation with both of them, he determines that Danielle is his pick. But he goes to tell Whitney, that although he would love to give her the rose, his heart says no. Whitney sits there..and looks at him with gazelle like eyes. I honestly don't think she registered what he said. So Nick had to tell her it's good bye. However this means he plucks the rose, gives it to Danielle and they fly off..leaving her in a sandstorm  and still not likely seeing things clearly.

Suitcase man retrieves her suitcase.
While at table with drinks and food, Nick is having a conversation with Danielle who says they have a lot in common and that she's falling in love with him..except Nick is not feeling it..you can tell by his eyes..and what he's stroking. He seems to stroke legs if he's really into a person..he is taking her arm. I call it fore(arm) shadowing.
Nick tells Danielle he's not feeling it..nope not her forearm....he's not feeling the love.
She goes home.


There's a storm a brewin' in Nick's head.  He's cutting people loose. Does that mean he's not into anyone? Will this process not work for him? (as it's failed him twice before). He heads over to make his problem the other women's problem too. He comes over crying to their compound  hotel room to say he wants something authentic and real..and he's not sure this is going to work for him. What is he expecting the women to say? He should not be turning to them for comfort. They are all gasping and worried for Nick. I think everyone needs to take a step back and get their denim cut offs untwisted and just think if this is working for them.

Nick ominously says he can't do this anymore..and walks toward the water. Vanessa takes off.
All we have is outakes from next week with several people pulling  dramatic bent over Mesnick-like poses.  It's daytime and Nick is in the same shirt.
What will happen? Will this show (and Nick's heart) go on??

Until next week....
I LOVE THIS SHOW!