I don’t know what it is….it seemed so perfect, the setting, Jake’s abs, the tropical locales…but something just wasn’t there for me this Bachelor season. It’s like Jake’s tepid feelings for Tenley. The show seemed perfect…but there was no chemistry for me. I really wish it could have worked out for me..but alas…the show drew to an ho hum close…one of the highlights was hearing the words to On the Wings of Love. That song is a classic.
Meet the family…
So we meet Sallie and Jim (the parents), Laura and Lesley the sister in laws and the two mute brothers.
Tenley…scores a 10 with the family. She looked fetching in her pink number and brought along a lovely floral arrangement. Tenley and Jake both had pink on. Jake’s shirt could have used a press. They LOVE Tenley….and they all think (don’t know exactly about the brothers ‘cause they don’t say much)…but that Pavelka family sure likes to turn on the waterworks. For some reason that is unbeknownst to me, Jake thinks that he and Tenley should jump into the pool right before she’s going to jump into the gaz guzzling vehicle that the average St. Lucian can’t afford to own. Off the soap box and back to the show. So Jake sees if he can tap into Tenley’s playful side and sees if he can take the plunge with Tenley..well he goes first and Tenley follows (of course). She had the good sense to take off her microphone pack. Weirdest moment of the show: Family swim time. After crazy fun lovin’ Jake jumps in, his brothers follow suit…then his mom wades in and his sister in laws too.
Vienna…will she be the crazy glue??
Vienna arrives with a fruit basket wrapped in yellow cellophane. For some odd reason the fruit basket was left on the floor. A bit of a diss to the food gift. Not sure who put it there.
One of Sallie’s pontifications is about the strong role of women in a family. They are the glue. So Sallie needs to see if Vienna will bond with the sister in laws. Vienna is off putting at first..but momma and the sister in laws kept grilling her about her relationships with other girls in the house. That seemed dumb. You’d think they’d ask Vienna about her relationship with her mom, friends or if she has any female role models. To ask how well you bond with women who view this show as competition seemed like momma was lookin’ some drama. Then a peep of wisdom from one of Jake’s bros- “her brutal honesty is an immature defense mechanism”. Whoa you don’t hear word from him then he gets all Aristotle. Then as they say in psychology circles..there was a breakthrough. Vienna’s personality shone and won over the hearts and minds of the Pavelka clan. They heard how much Vienna adored and loved Jake. Then the Pavelka’s felt bad-then cried-then apologized. They judged her, how bad they were. Vienna graciously accepted their apology.
Something is rotten on the island of St. Lucia.
Not really, but it sure smells bad. That zany Jake is going to take Vienna to Sulfur Springs!! Where it smells like rotten eggs!! Then they will roll in and massage eachother with mud and Vienna will write an I love you message on Jake’s abs. But then they wash off in a natural waterfall. Just an average date on the Bachelor. Oh…wait Vienna has dessert and cheese and crackers back at her condo. So after Jake washes up he meets Vienna at her condo. She presents him with her “I promise not to elope again with another guy” promise ring that her dad bought for her so that she promises not to elope again..(huh?). So Jake takes the ring, takes a few moments and says his good bye. He has to prepare for his awesomely awkward date the next day with Tenley.
Kickstart my heart…please??!!!
Next day Jake meets Tenley on the beach where they will go for a snorkel. Back on board the boat…is where the awkwardness begins. You can almost always be ready for an awkward date when one party says..”Hey..are you tired?” Silence and distance in the early stages of a relationship typically means something is amiss. What was missing here was couth, tact and judgment on Jake’s part. He said he was emotionally captivated by her…but that the physical chemistry wasn’t there..not the sexual chemistry..but the physical chemistry. What?? Cue the chirping birds to fill the awkward silence…to which she says…’I think we have heat, don’t we’ and then he responded “it’s building slowly”. Wow. That was telling. So polite Tenley thanked him for being honest. I would have said..if you think there is no heat then get outta my kitchen. But how does one person feel chemistry if the other doesn’t? I think this bachelor journey for Tenley was one of recovery and that she said all the ‘right’ things…but I don’t think she was capable of being that into him. I think she was in love with being in love. Back for part deux of the date at Tenley’s condo..she asked him to clarify again…but I don’t think that needed any clarification.
(In)Decision Time
Wow..Jake had a hard time making up his mind. I think the ring dude wanted to give him advice. Jake still took two rings and had to think about things…shirtless of course. The girls did some thinking in their bikinis too. Some of the deepest thinking happens with a bikini on and some Folgers in your cup.
Long and Winding Road
So the girls are helicoptered in. This is where one wonders if the first girl is the one going home. In the Bachelor early days , the first girls out of the limo was the one sent home..but producers have mixed it up in the past few years so you never know. Tenley’s chopper was first incoming. She looked gorgeous…her long gold dress almost Grecian..perhaps a nod to the Olympics. Chris met her on the landing strip (notice that the not one hair was affected on Chris’ head with all the wind caused by the helicopter). He met Tenley, walked her across the green grass into the house, then told her to cross the bridge, up the stairs and Jake would be waiting. I’m surprised she wasn’t handed a compass and an orienteering map to find him. This whole show is quite a journey. So when Tenley approached Jake, Jake did not look well. It wasn’t just his ugly tie, but he didn’t look physically healthy. Then came the I love you ..but. We gotta give it up to Tenley for her lovely speech to Jake. Her final words to Jake confirmed to me, that this whole exercise was therapy for her. And what she said to Jake is something that quite easily could have become a journaling exercise (or perhaps an interpretive dance)..I want to feel loved, special, appreciated blah blah blah. Her words were polite and eloquent, but I wonder if she really loved Jake..or maybe she’s learned that she needs to appreciate herself.
So that leaves Vienna….Vienna did look lovely in her dress..just wasn’t sure what was up with her Forever 21 earrings…a little much for the dress in my opinion. Jake gives her back the confusing ring and had me thinking that he was not going to pick her….Then he breaks into an I love you and then gets down on bended knee. Vienna was distracted by her diamond and waited about 2 mississippis before she said yes. Because there wasn’t much action after that, the producers put together a video montage, of their journey on the show ..set to the words to On the Wings of Love. (what a song!)
Sorry kids..didn’t stay up for after the Rose….hopefully I didn’t miss anything.
Well…it is bittersweet this last episode of the Bachelor…I hope there is more chemistry on the next episode!!! Until that time….even thought this episode was kinda lame…I (still) LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
