The Nick and Shawn Report

The Bachelorette was brought to you by Nick and Shawn.

I see Nick more than Chris Harrison...and I think Shawn might have had as much airtime as Kaitlyn.
ShYawn:
We start with Shawn and Kaityn on the couch..(that will happen again). The suspense..does he know or doesn't he. I thought that situation is like what I've heard psychologists say...you reality is the stories you tell yourself. So interesting..both times Shawn and Kaitlyn had couch time..she was convincing herself

J, JJ and K
They sail to an island together...and sit on a communal blanket. Joe has 1:1 time with her..then JJ has time..where he discloses he cheated on his wife. Yeesh..this guy... She picks Joe..and both of them sail away..with JJ watching...

Joe has some one on one time with Kaitlyn..where he proceeds to make out with her whilst holding his drink. Really? You can't put it down?

Kaitlyn goes back to her room...but she won't be alone for long..Shawn has been ruminating and needs to share his cud. Round 2...about midway she realizes that Shawn doesn't know about the Nick rendez-vous. Then she changes her tone..and she gets on him about how much reassurance he needs. It's an interesting turn of events.

Cocktail party/Rose ceremony:
Yes..it is still mid-show..the show is not back on its regular cycle...
At the beginning she states she's nervous..and she has made mistakes (who hasn't sistah Kaitlyn)..
Both Bens get 1:1 time..and of course Shawn..

Tanner and Ben Z are kicked to the curb..the wrong side of the curb..since it's Ireland.

Road trip going' to Blarney and Killarney
On this road trip Kaitlyn picks Jared to drive with. I still don't see the Jared appeal..let me try:
...he's not needy (bonus), he can grow (patchy) facial hair, he looks good in a skinny suit, they could share hair product, he can calculate a 20% tip like nobody's business (okay..i'm reaching)....but I don't get it really get it. The other boys are in the big busy.

Shawn snores loudly:) he's still cute even though he's nervous and a snorer. Maybe breathe-right strips would work on him...i betcha he's look cute in Breathe-right strips (and that's it:)

Jared and Kaitlyn stop to kiss the Blarney stone. Jared strikes me as not very masculine, nor very reassuring.

At Killarney...
Chris pops in to tell her there are more shake-ups on this season...3 guys will be going forward, then FOD then hometowns. I wonder if that was purely budget cuts...the FOD will happen in Ireland...that saves on travel...then they go back to 'Merica. Chris says that she will get off camera time just to keep things even and to get to know the guys on a deep level. Oh Chris..so fair.

Date with Cupcake man
Note..this was the quietest helicopter date ever. Did they have silencers on the helicopter blades..are helicopters quieter in Ireland. It was such a smooth ride..well..until they go to the Cliiffs of Moher.
Chris....seems like a good catch on paper...I get why Kaitlyn gave him the heave-ho. Their one on one time seemed to last 8 minutes..and no sooner than he said he doesn't want to leave Nashville..that Kaitlyn broke down..because she doesn't get why she's saying no to the well coiffed, well groomed, well positioned dentist who arrived to the show in a cupcake (btw, I found it unprofessional that he arrived in a food that accelerates dental caries development. Shady dentist). Kaitlyn, I'll explain why you are saying no to him. BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE HIM.
Bad judgement call to leave the weeping Chris so close to the edge..the producers should have moved him further from the edge  before interviewing him.

So now Kaitlyn is down to 5!! two more to go..
Until then
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Do you have to let it linger?

Bachelorette Producers...I'm talking to you...Do you have to let it linger? do you have to? do you have to?
The was one very drawn own episode.. EVEN THOUGH I had the good fortune of watching  PVR'd episode..(Thanks Jo-Ann). Despite that..it still felt it plodded along at a snail's pace and there were so much lingering.
For example:

• Ian's rudeness to Kaitlyn, then the Ode to Bachelor Ian in the van
• Nick's one on one with Kaitlyn ( I think that date was an hour..with 5 minutes of breathy clips)
• Shawn't gradual downward spiral
• Nick..yep..too much Nick
• the show's disruption of the normal order of the program i.e. end with a rose ceremony

Some observations
-the irony of Ian debasing Kaitlyn and focusing on the point that she was shallow...but in the van ride his last comment was not "Ugh..I'm just dying to know if the EU is going to extend sanctions on Russia or what is going on in Syria" but rather "I need sex".  The only thing Ian has in common with intelligentsia is that they both start with the letter I.
- was Jared's scruff always patchy..or is the what I notice when I watch on a TV screen that is larger that 32 inches? While I"m on patchiness..why didn't Josh even out his head shave.and did Ian have an abrasion on the left side of his head?
- How did Nick kick so high during the Irish dancing when his pants were so tight? Lycra?
-Was anyone surprised that Nick could lift Kaitlyn with one arm? Not that Katilyn is particularly heavy..but the only think I can see Nick lifting is a stylish messenger back that holds his Macbook air and maybe a bottle of Kombucha.
-What was with Nick's numerous beaded bracelets. Is that a thing? Are they prayer beads. He's so casual..but he's not effortless...stacking 5 beaded bracelts is purposeful. Maybe they're magnetic?? That's the only reason I could think that Kaitlyn is drawn to Nick.
-Shawn remains hot. I also think he will have a meltdown..not due to his hotness..but his anxiousness about Kaitlyn.
-Who was Kaitlyn talking to on the patio after her breathy night with Nick?
-why would Kaitlyn give the rose to Jared instead of Shawn on the group date.
-What is going to happen next week? Does Kaitlyn tell the guys? does she think Shawn knows and she spills the beans??? AGH!!!! Until next week..

I LOVE THIS SHOW...

So many messes in Texas

Leftover rose ceremony..
Did I mention that I don't enjoy this new format of the Bachelorette.. I kinda forget what happened last week and who is going to let go. All I know is that it takes a Canadian to dress properly for what looked like a very chilly rose ceremony. While it likely helped the roses stay fresh..some of the guys looked like they were frozen. I betcha Nick wished her wore his hoodie.

No misteppin' for Ben
Ah the two step. People take that dance seriously..just a few months ago..i was almost two stepped over at Cook County by a couple that had centrifugal force on their side...while I didn't get trampled I got whipped by her long hair.  But back to the show.
Ben is going to a two stepping competition with Kaitlyn..Ben seems down with it all..and they were coached by champion Debbie. There were parallels drawn to dancing and relationships..which i happen to agree with..you have to trust, know each other's moves, have to be in sync..and care about each other...and the last point the woman make..the most important thing is love...Adorbs.

While they didn't last long in the competition, Ben does have staying power..but I found the dinner conversation underwelming. This is date number #427 where the couple does not touch the food on their plates. Ben says vague things about his long distance relationship. He also said when he's with Kaitlyn it's a lot of fun...blah blah..he gets the rose.


Ay ya ya ya...the group date

The group date. 10 guys need to seranade Kaitlyn. It was a bit of an A ya ya yawn. The seranades weren't that great. Nick, with is previous bachelorette wisdom, says you just have to own it. Nick's advice on how to deal in annoying. I can see why its bugs Josh so. Turns out the Josh is highly malleable in Nick's presence. I had big hopes for Ian's performance..but he choked again. And this bothered him. a lot. Nick's performance wasn't so awesome..he just took her up to a balcony to serande her. I'm not sure if there is a handbook on seranading, but isn't the serenader supposed to stand underneath a balcony ?? not right beside the seranadee. I'm not so sure about Nick's talents..at least Josh could weld a lovely rose.

Josh lost his cool at the mariachi date..and told Kaitlyn that noone likes Nick..so Kaitlyn put the question to the group...noone agreed with Josh...what happened next lead to
Nick 1 (rose) Other guys 0 (roses)

and I fell in love with those sombreros and that Sebastian kid who has more self confidence than Ian and Josh put together.

Shawwwwwwn
Shawn gets better and better...they have a cute kayak date. Then they change (where? I always wonder where they change..do they bring clothes..do they go back the hotel? I've never figured that out) and Shawn tell her how he survived a car crash and that everything lead him to this moment and he feels lucky. Awwww..Shawn..you're the best!!! I think I'm falling in love with Shawn...
and he apparently smells good too..because Kaitlyn says she loves his smell. That's awesome.


Cocktail party

Ian has a soliloquy. So many things I learned about Ian...I didn't know he was an ex-model, Princeton grad, has charisma, a good job, an ex-girlfriend hotter than Kaitlyn and a lot of action. It's so impressive when a person tells you how impressive they are. Ian sounds like one insecure dude..and he needed to get his mojo back...and the weak attempt he tried to do was by insulting both Kaitlyn and the sub-standard guys . This Princeton dude ain't not prince...Yeesh. That guy is hurting so badly..maybe he needs to talk to Tony for some spiritual healing.

What does Kaitlyn see in Derek? I don't get it...but she thought enough to bring him back to her room...

I'd date Shawn and send the other guys packing. Oops..maybe we shouldn't say that in Texas...I would send the other guys home. However it appears Kaitlyn takes a likin' to another cowboy and knocks boots with him next week..a situation that is uglier than a mud fence as they say in Texas. Seems like a dumber than dirt decision to make in this stage of the game. Well, you gotta be tough as a boot, quicker than a hiccup and wolverine mean to last in this rodeo.

but until next week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!

Nick is no smoke show..

Wow..this wasn't the Bachelorette..It was the Nickorette show.
Holy smokes (pun intended)...why was there much ado about Nick. I mean...maybe some people find him appealing. Can't say he's my type...He seems to be a bit of a one trick pony. He shows up and is a bit cool, yet communicative..that and maybe some girls like guys who seem to re-wear the hoodie and  jacket ensemble. He re-wore that outfit twice in two days. But the suitcase he was wheeling throughout NYC seemed pretty small. Maybe a few more hoodies, some undies and his skinnies..jeans that is..don't take up a lot of space..and clearly the guy does not use hair products.
There was so much talk about Nick, it was a cloud over the show. If someone really likes this guy..please message what I might be missing. I did notice that his response to kissing Kaitlyn was.."it wasn't terrible"..in a dry, sarcastic way. Wow Nick..you are so cool.

But back to original programming and what happened with he original dudes who went on the show..the old fashioned way..not finding Kaitlyn that new-fangled way of social media-but sending in an audition tape and have an interview. Here are the highlights.

Clint..gets a stern talking to fireside with Kaitlyn who toned down the sparkles for this cocktail party..and just donned them around her neck and waist. I thought Kaitlyn was buying was the story Clint was constructing..but boom! (Relationship) building permit denied!!!  Clint the architectural engineer is out! But not before bro JJ tells him to apologize for the negative emotion in the room. what the JJ? Clint is angered. They have many expletive filled exchanges ...the one I didn't get was the one where Clint insulted JJ's tie? Is that a thing? a tie/shirt mismatch insult? I don't get dudes.
Then JJ is crying...then he tells himself to pull it together...then tells 'Merica..that he is looking for a girlfriend..not a boyfriend. Right JJ. That's the premise of this reality show...maybe he needs some remedial help to figure the premise of this show out.

There is no rose ceremony!!
I'm starting to think there is a rose shortage in LA..guys are punted, ceremonies are cancelled.
I say bring back the rose ceremony...

But it's okay, it's all right..because da boys in da bachelor mansion are going to NYC y'all !!!!

NYC

Group date...keepin' it fresh..
The rap show down was kinda like the poem jared wrote for Kaitlyn at the fancy met date. Some rhyming verses.
First...Shawn's abs put the awwwwww in Shawwwwwwn. Whoa..nice abs..did Shawn actually rap??hahaha..he was kinda funny making fun of Justin's hair.
JJ..actually said NYC ho's in his rap. His name should be DD for Ding Dong.

At the after party..this is where Nick gets introduced and proceeds to steal the show.
what kinda flopping turtleneck/short sleeved shirt was Kaitlyn wearing...I wasn't getting it or digging it.
Kaitlyn floated the idea of Nick on the boat with the guys. I think the boat was actually bobbing in the  water...maybe it was the bobbing..but the idea of Nick didn't sit well with the boys...then they beat the Nick subject to death...wow..that was boring. It does seem a bit weird..but as one guy concluded..if she feels this is right for her..go for it..and what will be will be.

Most boring date in bachelorette history - Jared date.
Not sure if Jared packed a tux..but he came in one..it fit him well..and that's all I can say that is positive about Jared..wasn't this guy all 100% Team Brit? Maybe I"m harsh with Jared because is angular jaw distracts me and seems harsh..but he seemed to echo whatever Katilyn said our wanted. The poem was an effort I guess...and one helicopter ride in...he thinks he's falling in love with Kaitlyn..hmmm maybe I need to catch a helicopter ride...or rub a genie..

Speaking of which..
Group date 3: Aladdin and Broadway
the guys audition..Chris the cupcake guy gets the party. He seems a bit milque-toast..or soggy cupcake. Great for enthusiasm..but I didn't sense any chemistry...but he does have some solid abs...and looks good in a headpiece. Their walk onto the stage, I mean their Broadway debut, went off without a hitch...and the 27 seconds was glorious...Chris encouraging her to soak in every minute and be present.Okay Thich Nhat Hanh, thanks for the tips..this Chris guy can do it all...zen mastery, dental work and Broadway. I think he deserves some type of Bachelorette award. But after their stint on the stage..the date is not over!! They go to see the New Years Eve ball..and Chris exclaims they are the centre of the universe. Okay..so Chris ain't no Copernicus..I mean..noone's perfect:)

Is there a rose ceremony?
No.
But in other exciting news..Nick moves in. Yawn...
But even though there is no rose ceremony.
I (STILL) LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!

So much drama-this episode is for the birds

This is where I think that stereotypes are wrong. This is the most dramatic bachelorette in history..
Kupah is still on this show for not a good time, nor a long time. Kaitlyn has a chat with him when she hears all his yellin' in the courtyard. He is one angry bird. More birds later in the show..
And did he say the word chlamydia?

I thought they did testing prior to the show.

But Kupah is Kaput...she awards roses..and why does she choose Tony to stay? That must be a producer pick.

Most of this episode was much ado about a lot of men chirping and there was some serious preening going on.

Group date: Note..there will be some violence in this date....It's not rated T (for Tony).
Some sumo wrestlers awaken the men from their slumber. The men don some garb..but not a lot..and get a sumo lesson...then proceed to get taken down. Even Tony couldn't locate his inner warrior.
I thought it was funny that guys commented on the lack of Tony's butt.I'm not sure it makes me feel better, but it always seems that women are critiquing other women..so it is a bit refreshing when the tables are turned. It seemed that this sumo event really annoyed Tony after he lost. I lost count how many monologues he had about his warrior spirit, his loving nature, peace and his bonsai trees.  For someone so peaceful he got so very angry..and seemed to direct it at Kaitlyn's choices of dates.  Some people were a bit more comfortable with the event..Joe..just let it all hang out.and Clint just wanted to bulldoze people.
Shawn gets the rose!!

Tony does not go on part two of the date..instead he chooses to leave on his own terms. He puts on a few layer..wow that was an ugly fleece. He met Kaitlyn to let her know...He's gone.thankfully...his monologues were getting so repetitive! Hopefully someone was watering his bonsai trees.

Is there bromance brewing??
With some good editing it seems that Clint and JJ are having a budding bromance. Clint is becoming less attractive.

1:1 Date..house of horrors..
No.not the bachelor mansion..but some studio..Ben and Kaitlyn must make their way through a locked room and get the passcode to exit. Let's say it together.."this date is a good test of a relationship"..blah blah..perhaps pigeons, pests, maggots and the anaconda were metaphor for challenges they would face in the future..it seems more like the metaphor that Kaitlyn faces in the house trying to bumble her way to a happy and gas free exit.
Ben was pretty lovely during the ordeal..very supportive. His 1:1 time with her was lovely...I hope he cries one day:)

Group Date: Learning about love
Interesting name for the date. The only mention of love was from Ben H..who did a stellar job interlacing his task at hand with the bigger picture and included Kaitlyn...good lesson Ben..include the woman and that's all it takes.
Joshua was so funny saying that he learning everything from cows on the farm...
Did Kaitlyn ever tell the guys they were child actors?
Jared gets 1:1 time with Kaitlyn..back in her hotel room..that Jared has one very angular face..like it might hurt to kiss him at the wrong angle..He doesn't seem super masculine..but I vote him as most likely to suit skinny jeans, single origin bean coffee and most likely to go to Coachella .
Ben gets the rose!!

Meanwhile the house villains are back at the house in their loungewear and perfectly coiffed hair squeezing each others back pimples (ewwwww). I'm not sure if they are into each other or into winning...JJ thinks he's a pretty scary dude. Pretty scary that he thinks he's appealing to women.

At the cocktail party...Kaitlyn is going to have a severe talking-to to Clint..i wonder once confronted if he will lose his swagger and chicken out and  eat  some crow or will this be his swan song???
until next week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!