Monday, February 22, 2010

The Rose Report: The WTA makes me want a PVR

This part of the journey is my least favourite…the Women Tell All. It’s like a having a whole bunch of leftovers to try to make a meal. Some great leftovers some not so great and it all mixed together for mediocre fare. There is a lot of recycled clips that I wished I could have fast forwarded through.

First we have Chris and Jake having a fireside chat. Chris looks quite dapper in his crisp pink shirt and jacket. Jake’s suits always look a little tired..a little wilted- a touch droopy. Maybe it’s windblown from all the motorcycle riding. Or maybe he has found Randy River.


Sully the reputation of the Bachelor
Nope nothing to do with Captain Sully who commandeered to the plane on the Hudson river to save all aboard...but rather the Bachelor/Bachelorette reunion cruises and get togethers. What is the point of those? I’m not sure why the show would sponsor those. Are they trying to see if a relationship might come out of it? It seems like the antithesis of what the Bachelor /Bachelorette is about..or pretends to be about..true love…an amazing journey. One bachelorette..Nikki I believe…euphemistically has taken ‘a lot of naps’ with former Bachelors…and apparently Wes has had a lot more nibbles as a result of this show. Talking about Wes’ nibbles gives me the heebie jeebies.

The Bachelor…the Institution???
To get back above board..we have the Bachelor gives back…to the food bank, to Haiti, to St. Lucia…they are given back and paying forward. Nice cheque for Haitian relief. How do they exactly fundraise? Didn’t Shaye look fabulous for the food bank gig? She channelled Gwen Stefani a bit. I wonder if her and Matt are still together. Well Matt is still in the US..perhaps he doesn’t hear London Calling. I didn’t get the Portraits of Hope campaign…If it’s a metaphor for the vista that this platform called the Bachelor provides for all those that hope for true love…this show really is too much…but that’s why I love it so.


The Women
Okay..my least favourite part of the show. First, women always seem to looked dismayed and surprised at the comments they have made during the show. Second, it seems that women do tend to bash eachother and the common denominator is because if it is over the same guy. Sigh. So pointless.

All the women looked great. Michelle looked a little different than she did on the show.
Channy thankfully didn’t have anything to contribute. They did replay her infamous plane landing comment. Elizabeth confirmed this was a game “didn’t want to kiss him so soon in the game” One of my favourite comments was right after when Chris said “you’re never as cool as you think you are”. Amen Chris!

Mean
I think all the focus on Michelle was really mean. Why would you state to someone on national TV that you need help..Valishia….I thought Valishia was a homemaker…maybe she took a break from her career in psychiatry.

I think I sense a new bachelorette….
And it’s not Gia. Chris did interview Gia but the focus really was on Ali. The pointed questioning about whether she’d choose work over love. I think she stated the reasons why she left Jake were sound….a girls’ gotta pay the bills right? Not sure if I read into this too much..but Ali’s apology and her answers seemed a bit rehearsed. I guess they want the new bachelorette to be kind and enlightened. Nice qualities to have…it just all seemed scripted to me.

Then there was Rozlyn
I cannot believe how much mileage there was from the Rozlyn fiasco. She was ditched from the show, so was the producer..why must we rehash what who saw and when. Who really cares???
Rozlyn did look fantastic. She did trash it up when she said she was ready for a cage match with Chris then…went on with the jab she made about the hearsay (from the producer) about Chris hitting on the producer’s wife in New Zealand. Chris showed remarkable composure. I liked how he got all Zen and Oprah and tried to turn this fiasco into a teachable moment to wish Rozlyn well and to hope that she learned something from this.


What did I learn from this WTA…..I really need a PVR…
Until next week…. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

The Rose Report: On the plane to St. Lucia

It’s Fantasy Overnight Date time!!! This means that Chris neatly writes the exact same sentiment ….Dear. Jake and potential Mrs. Jake…Welcome to the beautiful island St. Lucia…yadda yadda and Chris graciously offers the couple to forgo individual suites to stay in the Fantasy Suite…that is typically replete with some hot tub, jetted bathtub, rose petals….and dessert…no really there usually is dessert.

But first…to continue with the drama from last week…..

Does Ali live in a hotel?
Ali has a change of heart. She needs to find out if she can still pursue Jake. The camera has a shot of Ali lying in bed with a monogrammed housecoat…hmm couldn’t see the monogram…then there’s the shot of her overhead bedside lamp and the phone. What was up with the hotel room shot?

Date #1…Date on a dime with Gia
This didn’t bode well. I didn’t buy that Jake was trying to see if she could ‘hang with the locals because ‘she’s usually wearing $1000 dollar shoes’. She seemed very comfortable at the market…much more that Jake’s awkward groove/grinding dance moves with Gia. Not sure what’s more difficult to watch..the kissing or the grinding. That’s a question for the ages. So after Jake bought her a coconut and an unsightly heart necklace that she chose to wear on her wrist (Gia..she’s smarter than we think)..because she smoothly stated…I wear my heart on my sleeve. Hmmm I’m guessing if it was a Tiffany necklace that it might have made it around her neck. What was up with Jake’s puka shell number around his neck…seriously..that look needs to stop (along with frosted tips on guys..after the age of 17). Back to the date…so then they jump into the water…(Jake symbolically takes a plunge on all three dates) and then they dry off, have dinner…and then dessert…I mean the date card. The FOD suite was beautiful…many roses were harmed in the making of the FOD suites more romantic…rose petals in every room.

Date #2…Tenley
Tenley is tiresome and she needs to tend to her trepidation. She is repetitive and a annoying. She’s been hurt (got it), she has her heart open (got that ), she doesn’t just spend a night with anyone (she made sure we got that message too). So I’ll repeat (see Tenley is getting to me)…if she still talking about her ex..she’s not over him. When she spouts off about her values..it sounds more like she’s trying to convince herself the most..not Jake and not us..the Bachelor faithful.The date was typical…helicopter ride, catered picnic (wasn’t the picnic basket cute)..oh and did you notice the blanket matched Jake’s wrist watch. They looked like they were picnicking on the set of Lost. Back to another part of the island..Tenley freshened up and they had a lovely dinner..the Jake kicked off his flip flops and asked Tenley to dance. Well at least he wasn’t busting the same moves he did in the market. He was pretty fly as this fly boy could get. Nice how he reminded her that he enjoyed dancing..right before he’s about to present the….FOD card. He said he was really excited by the card. Tenley reminded him how special this was..and off they went..to the rose petalled suite. I’m sure Jake lead the way…because Tenley thinks Jake should lead her (yikes!!!)

Date #3: Pirate Booty
Yep..the last date….and it’s with Vienna. Vienna gets to set sail with Captain Jack..I mean Jake on the sails of love. Did anyone notice that the On the Wings of Love was put to classical music. I don’t know…is it Vienna till the end? Will she get the booty?? Jake did ask her what type of ring she wanted. But that could be the power of editing. So Jake and Vienna did all the cliché pirate moves…the patch, walking the plank…good golly Jake even had a fake sword. Those two are just so gosh darned playful. Jake recognizes she’s immature…but maybe they can grow up together. After the boat date…they had dinner..and guess what…Vienna is in love with Jake!!!! You can actually see it in her eyes…she does this eye glazed thing…and I think she feels something for him. She thinks it’s love..because she’s never been in love before….maybe it’s that crazy feeling you get when the guy you like is dating two other women and there are millions of people watching…


Ali wants back in the ring for a chance for the ring!!
So Ali gives Jake a jingle to see if there is still a chance. By excellent editing, the producers had me thinking that Jake was going to tell her to get on a plane and get her fine self over to St. Lucia. Mais non!! Jake has fallen for three women…and he tells her to keep her heart in San Francisco. What was the purpose of that exchange? Does Ali still care for Jake? Or are producers trying to suss out if she might be the next Bachelorette. History shows future Bachelor/Bachelorettes have some history of being spurned or rejected on the show (For the record..it would be great to have a brand new person…no history..no Bachelor baggage)


Rose Ceremony...a nail biter..
Yep..the nail biter bit it. Gia was gone. Gotta give it up for Gia…she did such a great job with Jake on the bench when he was giving her the Bachelor pep talk. I felt like telling Jake to put a cork in it…you just reject someone and then go on to tell her how amazing and how she set the bar so high. Gia was kind and gracious and exited on a high note. She really is beautiful on the inside out. She did have a wee bit of a meltdown in the escalade ride out…but noone’s perfect.

Next…Jake’s perfect family is coming to visit the Island..but before that…it’s Women Tell All.
Until Next Week…I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Rose Report: Back to Reality...and Begging???

This week it’s back to to the reality of the Bachelor…the drama, the excitement. Besides the hometowns..did anyone notice Jake’s abundance of purple shirts? And how many forehead and nose kisses this episode? Jake is making a tour of the hometowns to beg for the girls’ hand in marriage….begging?? Has anyone heard of begging for the girl's hand in marriage?

Empire State of Mind

First date Gia. She looked gorgeous. She greeted Jake and took him on a boat ride points out the sights of NYC-the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty. That’s it. Enough sight-seeing..time to take pictures!! Sexy pictures, cute pictures, kissing pictures!!
They did make nice pictures together..who needs to see the sights?
Gia take Jake to meet her family..mama Donna, step-dad Tony who was sporting a lovely pony-tail, half brother Erick ( who went wild on the spikey hair brought to you by Dippity Do) and then the younger brother. They meet in a restaurant. When the family meets in a restaurant, it always makes me wonder what the house situation is like.
Donna seemed a bit flakey. Perhaps I now understand why Gia doesn’t have much self esteem when her mother says to her…I think he likes you..the way he looks at you. Gia seemed a bit more balanced than her mother when she responds “he takes everyone’s hand and he lookes at everyone like that”
What I want to know is what Jake means when he describes how he feels about Gia..it feels organic (umm carbon containing, sans pesticides?)
I’m betting that Jake is non too scared of Erick’s threat of ‘breaking a few legs’ if Gia gets hurt again.
After the family meeting Jake and Gia walk in streets and then partake in Gia’s favourite pastime…watching yellow taxis go by…sounded a bit stoop-id to me...

Catch a falling….leaf..Like really?

Jake had a warm greeting by Ali but a chilly reception to Massachusets. He was c-c-c-cold. I hear ya Jake..I hate being cold too. But Jake..there are millions of people watching and you are trying to be a bit of a tough guy in this journey. Well Jake did manage to shake a tree so that Ali could catch a falling leaf so she could make a wish . Jake makes dreams come true.
So what does the happy couple do first..visit Ali’s grandmother’s house. You know, Ali’s fond recollection of her grandmother and her being a nursemaid to her..started to endear me to Ali. Ali does have a heart. I’m not sure why she made a point to say her grandmother was like her mother….kinda made me feel badly for her mom..who is hosting a meet and greet. So off Ali and Jake go to Ali’s mom’s place…why did they enter through the back door?? Ali seemed legitimately surprised when her mom said what a compassionate girl Ali was….guess mom hasn’t seen the Ali/Vienna rows. Ali strikes me as fake with her family...



Ex ex ex..it’s all she ever talks about
Next stop. Oregon! Tenley is excited to have Jake come to her hometown. She needs to get down to brass tacks. She needs to find out if Jake is NOT like her ex. Pick up any dating book (umm not like I have or anything) and it says not advised to talk about your ex. But seriously, whenever you talk about an ex…he’s still taking up space in your brain. ‘Kay..I think we all know that Tenley has been hurt. We got that. Sigh. So when Tenley and Jake meet up and sit on a bench against a lovely lush green backdrop. Tenley lobs questions to Jake. So her ex let other people make decisions….so she asked Jake how he makes decisions and he reassuringly (?) responds ..i pass all the big decisions by my parents..they give good advice. But he does have the last word of course. Oddly, Tenley is okay with this. So off they go to the dance studio…where she’s going to show Jake her heart, her passion. Oh and did ya know..her ex never saw her dance. Subtle as a sledgehammer Tenley is as she dances, I means shows her heart, to the tune of Pachabels Canon in D.
Next they are off to to meet the parents. Looks like the tears don’t fall far from the ducts..everyone in Tenley’s family is a crier. I heart Tenley’s dad. Robert seems so sweet and genuine. I got a little choked up when he was saying that one of the hardest things to see is a dad seeing his child go through something painful. They all seemed pretty normal..except they never let Jake finish his dinner. Robert had a second chat with Jake..which ended in them both tearing up ..and a man hug. Robert is awesome.

Vienna
Qu’elle surprise!! I thought Vienna lived a life of grandeur from the way the girls talked up Vienna. It all looked fairly modest to me. I think Vienna was named after Vinnie (her dad). Vienna reassures us that she’ll take this marriage seriously. Looks like Vinnie spent all his extra cash on Vienna because did you notice they were eating hot dogs for supper. Weirdest quote from the family hometowns ‘ treat her right and you’ll come home to a clean house and the kids raised right’ yikes! Most odd hometown occurrence…the kissing in the bedroom with dad walking in.

Do I smell Fake-out?
Now Jake is back in LA (in that oddly fitting pink striped shirt)…and then he’s relaxing in his hotel. Ali totally pulled an Ed. She came to Jake’s hotel to tell him sad news….she must either go back home and back to work or stay on the show and get fired!! What’s a bachelorette to do??? Something seemed really off….she seemed so fake. Jake told her “Life is about minimizing your regrets”. Then he went on to say “You are lucky and blessed to have a job” and . then I thought Jake was going to say she was blessed to have met him, but he said that he was blessed and happy to have met her. He didn’t tell her what she should do.She was overcome with more fake crying that she had to sit down in the hallway (eww..can you imagine the bacteria)

The Rose Ceremony
I loved all the dresses except forVienna’s. Gia looked especially stunning. Ali calls a time out and requests to see Jake (again). For the first time ever,…deliberation interruptus!! Chris takes Ali to see Jake (I like how he provides an outstretched arm…Ali seemed to have a bit of a difficult time in her heels)..but..they did not talk in the deliberation area.-where the women’s pictures are placed on a shelf bathed in candlelight…the deliberation room with the wall of photos always seemed a bit shrine-ish to me. So Ali and Jake take a moment to talk on the couch..and Ali fake cries again..then they sit on a couch and then Jake that romantic creature offers to put her legs up on his thigh. That conversation that Jake and Ali had seemed to last an hour…I’m not sure if her pouty face or constant whine was more annoying. She tried to squeeze an answer from Jake-was she going to the end… na-ah Ali…that is information that only Jake and the producers are privy too. I think Jake showed excellent resolve. Ali overstayed her welcome on the couch. Chris had to come and break up the session…yikes..she should have thought out how she was sitting in her dress….the dress seemed on the verge of providing a wardrobe malfunction. You know what this long drawn out seemed to me. Ali really is not that into Jake..she’s trying to look broken up so that she doesn’t look like a bad guy . Why else would she keep saying “I’m sorry”.Since Ali couldn’t whine her way to an answer she decided to go….after a bit more fake crying and Jake escorted to down a very long hallway where they leaned a bit on eachother…metaphorically drawing strength from eachother. He takes a moment says his good bye..couldn’t quite shut the limo door..then had to lean on the handrail a melodramatic move that was first brought to us by Jason Mesnick. Jake really likes that move though .

Least cool move of the night
With three roses and three girls left..Jake says “Well girls come and get your roses”. At least he handed them to them.

Next week..Jake and the FODs!!!!!!!!!!!
And (no) surprise!! Ali comes a calling!!!!

Until next week..I LOVE this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Rose Report: On the Verge of Bored

The Rose Report: On the Verge of Bored

No More Drama…Mary J Blige’s 2002 album and hit. (Shout out to Mary J Blige’s and Andrea Bocelli’s Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water duet on the Grammy’s last night. It was such a powerful tribute to Haiti)….So why am I talking about Mary?? Well besides the fact it was an breathtaking and awesome performance ….unlike this episode. No drama to be found.

I’m not sure if it’s just me…but this was a dull dry episode. Ali and Vienna are still not liking eachother…but it’s really getting old

In good news, the girls can shake the dust off their stilettos because the buses rolled into San Francisco and the girls get to stay together in a 5 star hotel. Jake meets the girls at the hotel and shows the girls their suite and passes out the first date card.

What the f….fortune?
No seriously…Tenley’s date conversation made me feel awful for her….Jake grills her at the dinner about what were the mistakes in her first marriage…and her key learning…she should have appreciated the moments..and and she really should have jumped up from the desk, couch and kitchen and greeted her husband when he came home. Ummm..I don’t quote Jake often…but as he said “cheating is a choice”.
As shucks…they both wrote kiss me in the fortune. That worked well because as we will soon learn…Jake doesn’t initiate…well maybe 80 %.

The Date Chest
Looks like Tacori diamonds didn’t sponsor this episode of the Bachelor. But instead Jake sends a chest of….clothes….to go on the castle/vineyard date. Gia did so well on her first vineyard date…that she gets to go again! So no diamonds on this date…but the producers did what they could …and they rustled up some shiny sequiny tops for the girls. Yucky.
Did anyone notice that Gia still has a bandage on her finger from last week….what happened?? Maybe Gia has sharp teeth and she accidentally bit herself b/c she always seems to keep her fingers by her mouth when she is alone with Jake.(thanks Dave) Jake and Gia and the lantern have some alone time…and have the very important conversation about “how Jake puts all of the other girls legs on his lap”….then Jake professed that he’s falling for Gia. Someone pass the Gravol because I thought I was going to lose it when she asked “is it okay to fall”. The producers send Vienna all by herself only with a lantern and the cameraman behind her to see if Jake has fallen and can’t get up. Seriously..what was the purpose of that. Vienna goes on to emabarass herself, profess how much she was hurt at the last rose ceremony…when it was time to hit the hay..Vienna went on to find Jakes room at the castle and crawled into bed with Jake. Jake was not naked-but almost! And had impure thoughts! But he did send Vienna back to her quarters….

You know what annoys me about Jake. Don’t get me wrong..I think Jake’s probably a really good guy..I’m sure he’s a great neighbour, citizen, role model for clean livin’-but the guy does not ask questions. He has outrightly stated that he wants to find his wife…but wouldn’t you maybe let’s say..ask a few questions about the woman. Like I understand they most likely won’t be discussing the Copenhagen Treaty (especially since they take an entire rail car on a date, and travel by limo), but maybe have some more meaningful exchanges. I don’t think Jake has ever asked any woman about their careers or any questions about them….a great example of that was..Corrie’s date.

90/10 or 80/20….wrong formula
I nearly nodded off during the Corrie date. You know why the date didn’t go well…because she didn’t fawn over Jake. She didn’t profess his awesomeness. Jake says he goes in 80% and the girl has to come in 20%...umm nope. The girl has to make him feel unawkward in order for him to throw her a rose. Maybe it’s true that opposites attract. Corrie seems to be most suited to what he’s looking for on paper…..but if she’s not feeding his ego..then suddenly he’s just not that into her.

The Lame Date Card
Worst date card in Bachelor history. Jake basically gave her a card that said “I don’t want to plan the date, you plan it”. Big snore. I think he did pretty good at the Quaker tower, the Castle vineyard and the lovely park date. Maybe that was date card karma. She’s all talk no action…and now she’s forced to plan something. Not a huge fan of Ali these days. Maybe she’ll turn a corner. Not sure why Jake bought flowers at the start of the date- wouldn’t they die being carried around all day? Wasn’t Jake just a whole bunch of silly with the with the latte moustache? Then they went to the beach and Jake had a back rub…from stress of not planning a date. The both took a little dip into the Pacific…hopefully those boots weren’t suede.
PS…what was she carrying in the tote?? Did she have to cater the date too?
Worst quote of the show (Ali to Jake “you’re my big flower”…actually I think he’s more like a delicate flower)


The least dramatic rose ceremony ever.
Corrie’s gone. Jake’s eyes welled up.
Okay bring on the drama…Maybe in real life No More Drama is a good idea…but on a reality show…we need some drama. Next week it’s a Family Affair!!!!


Until New Week.. I Love this Show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!