ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This was a snooze-fest. Don't get me wrong,  I always look Mondays...but this episode just plodded along-almost needed a coffee.
Hometowns
Because of Rachel's pregnant sister, the hometowns happened before they went to Spain.
Why wasn't Rachel's dad at the hometowns? Does he not agree with this? Rachel's mom seems tough enough for both of them.
Constance's husband Alex wasn't as annoying as the last time he met Rachel and Nick, but there's this undercurrent of anger/rudeness that Constance and Alex have.

This may be my first rose report in bullet points
Peter

• ah....I remind myself of my mom when I write this..but I get why my mom always told me not to swing my arms so much when I walk...I don't get why Rachel swings her arm so much..or maybe she's flailing to keep balance when she's on heels...Rachel..I didn't like when my mom told me..but you gotta stop swinging your arms so much.
• before they head into Rachel's parents' large, fancy house, he says he's falling in love with her
• surprise! she's falling in love too..(but she was also falling in love with Dean last week)
• Peter gave a soliloquy at the dinner table where he outlined his journey, how he has taken time to develop with Rachel. This shut the Linsey family down for questions.
• Peter said he couldn't ask Rachel's' dad for her hand in marriage..but that he wasn't at the stage, Ugh...the mom is right there...the mom is also a parental representative. how archaic.
• Rachel's mom says she speaks for Rachels' father when she liked his honesty. For the record..I like it too..if the dude isn't ready to propose why do it? Because Rachel decided she wants a marriage at the end of this. Seems so weird to predecide that you are going to get married. The only things i totally predecide is what items I'm getting at the Sephora VIB rouge sale at 20% off. There is some serious thinking and list making involved for that.

Eric

• Like Rachel's journey:) i feel like my affection for Eric is building. 
• I'm still not sure if he just wants stability and is amazed with Rachel or if really is falling in love with her. Either way that guy is (insert 100 emoji here)...And I like that.
• Eric gets grilled about family, and that he's never loved anyone.They are all shocked.why? Maybe he was self aware enough to know he wasn't in love with someone before.
• Eric just seemed super present and so so real

Back at the house..Peter tells Eric he can't stand Bryan..somehow i'm like Peter a lot more..I feel the same way about Bryan. I don't get all this charm that Rachel sees. I see him a saccharin (artificially sweet) and when he said he got his doctorate. Yep. (eye roll)

Bryan

• the family grills Bryan. Bryan refers to Rachel as a pronoun instead of by her name. That annoys me. He annoys me. Use her name. 
• they move the dining room table where the meals are pre-served on a plate and 1/2 plate appears to be grains and not vegetables
• Bryan gets uncomfortable with the questioning and excuses himself from the table. He couldn't handle the el calor.
• He asks Rachel's mom for permission to marry her
• Hmmm...what is one nice thing I could say about him?? Oh!! he could translate Despacito for me!!

Spain
I'm looking at my watch and I'm thinking..how are they going to fit in 3 FODs? ( fantasy over night dates?). They don't. Grr.

Eric

• Helicopter ride.
• I think Eric yells out because he's nervous. He can't process those feels so I think he yells randomly. I should try that.
• I like Eric even more...he's all vulnerable and self-aware and lovely. 
• Go Eric.
• He gets the date card..he reads the card aloud. He thanks Chris Harrison. That was adorable.
• They have the FOD. 

Peter

• They go to a vineyard
• Rachel gets serenaded by the owner and the song does not translate well subtitled ...something about Americans and carnations .  Damn..how dare they talk about carnations on the Bachelor. It's likely a thorny issue on this show.hahahahahahaha
• They get a key.not to a fantasy suite..but to a locker with wine in it..and it's unclear what it's for. Do they keep all the wine? If Bryan was there he could translate.
• Rachel gets a flower from a random cute brunette girl. Brunettes are THEE cutest:) then all get led over to a big barrel and they stomp grapes.
• Back for the evening portion of the date..they have a weird conversation. Rachels doesn't see the engagement as marriage and Peter does..but Rachel didn't come here for a boyfriend. What is going on here? To me, it sounds like Rachel is trying to manipulate a proposal. So weird. I don't understand why they are at an impasse.

TO BE CONTINUED

Next week is MTA...I will be enjoying 24 K magic with the cutest nephew in the WORLD and he's way more mature than most men on that show.

Until two weeks from now!!!!
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!

What a gong show

Literally there was a gong show.
Besides that I'm spent...
I might have teared up 3 times. What's happening to me.

Eric
So we head up to the hood for Eric's date. Rachel keeps saying she's so nervous..really Rachel...now was she nervous about meeting the family...or the 'hood? Eric did point out a drug deal going down. Straight outta Baltimore. After the two play some bball and see one of  Eric's friends, they head out for some family time.
They are off to Eric's aunt's house. Verna. Verna is lively, engaged, eloquent and attractive. She's fabulous....She brings up the R word. That would be race..asking Rachel how's she deaing with pressure.
Then we meet Eric's mom who is unintelligble and placid. Not sure if she's calm due to chemicals or indifference. I didn't get her tough love speech. Eric's dad was even more distant..and had some tough talk with his son. Eric ends up toasting everyone and thanking everyone for the good and bad experiences because that made him attract Rachel. Talk about making Lemonade...not the album..that was Beyonce...(and the reason to avoid the jungle....because there are too many cheat-ahs. I'm talkin' about you Jay-Z.)



Bryan
So Bryan is not my fave. Not because he wore sweatpants on his date or that he threw a Mr. Worldwide reference into the Miami introduction. He seems more milquetoast than caliente.
He took Rachel to play dominoes with some latino men..and spoke Spanish to them without translating to her. Rude. Thankfully the dominos were green and white...I was sure that there was going to be a black/white reference but thankfully there was not.
They go to a little club and dance a bit...Bryan accidentally crashes her face.  He introduces her to arepas...that's where it ended. They didn't eat them. So many calories left unconsumed on the show.He says he's obsessed with her smile. YAWWWWWN.
Off they go to meet the family. Is Bryan the only child? was the dim brunette girl his sister. WHy did she keep saying demise? So dramatic.
Mama Olga seemed intense...but I loved her...she lists love, respect, trust, understanding as being the most important qualities...she doubts that he can love Rachel after he's met SO MANY girls. Do people really think he's all that and a bag of el papas fritas???
Olga seems to want someone for her son so he can be with someone when she dies (water works for me for that sentiment)
Joe the dad is mainly mute.
Rachel looks like she's in love with him. She coos when she kisses him. Like a pigeon.


Peter
Rachel races toward Peter. They go the farmers market. Personally, I never get that thrilled to be at a farmer's market. Sephora or Artizia however...now that's exciting. Buying some home processed food that might be contaminated with E. coli doesn't give me a thrill. Peter says he's there every week. Likely buying over priced Swiss chard.
Then they head to see his friends. His friends seem nice...and one guy tells Peter not to be afraid of the future.
Off to see the family. Rachel is thrilled when she sees Peter and his niece together. Seeing men with kids is very endearing for women but the reverse isn't true for me according to Esther Perel (who kinds looks like Olga now that I think of it).
Peter's sister and mom say Peter may not be ready for marriage but is for commitment.
This bugs Rachel.
But she's got major love-y eyes for Peter.

Dean
Dean is the cutest and he has the shortest pants ever.I teared up twice during this visit.
They ride on ATVs, then have wine, then head off to see Dean's dad who has converted to the Kundalini (sp?) Sikh faith.
Rachel's arrival has brought the family together. Dean's dad welcomes them and does some special goinging..which sounds soothing...dean is anything but soothed. I think Dean wants to smash the gong. Rachel was mature, respectful and open during this whole date. She was so lovely.
Dean's dad seems like he's got some emotional blocks. I might have cried when the feather came out and Dean's dad talked about Deans' mom. The current wife was very open during that.
I cried a second time when Dean's sister talked about how amazing Dean was.
I nearly cried a 3rd time when I saw how much pain Dean was in when he was trying to talk to his dad. For such a surreal surrounding, this perhaps was the most real the Bachelor has been in years.
Rachel tried to talk to the dad after...but he just gave blessings and didn't want to talk.
Dean then tells Rachel he loves her..and Rachel loves him too!!Whah???!!

Rose Ceremony
Who is Rachel going to choose?? Chris comes in and does a recap of the dates with Rachel...Chris H looks like he's growing more hair..maybe this is such a stress-free job that he's gaining instead of losing hair.
Rachel makes up her mind..and in front of the guys she apologizes to the one who she will let go..and that is.......
DEAN.
whah?? she said she loved him...
Dean asks her why..and she said she didn't say anything she didn't mean..Dean leaves...and says she made a mistake..and those feelings weren't reciprocated.

Dean..you are fabulous..get some help..talk it out..and you'll be better than evah!! xx Dean.

They are all off to Spain.
Yay. Bryan can use his Spanish. And Eric gets to travel more...
The family meetings look super stressful.

Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!

We are all like Swiss cheese

I heard this analogy once, that we're all like Swiss cheese.  The holes, like the ones in Swiss cheese, are the deficits we see in ourselves or our personal weaknesses.

So off the crew went to Geneva. Where Rachel had some whittlin' to do. She had to go from 6 to 4.

She was looking for things to get real. And she was going to do some digging..and find those holes.

First 1:1 was Brian
To be honest, I don't get what she sees in Brian. Sometimes he seems super honest and and genuine..and sometimes so schmaltzy.
So they go on a superficial date, fancy car, fancy watches and a fancy theatre.
She buys him a watch...or the show buys him a watch. He doesn't offer to pay for hers...
Ugh.  She says she's attracted to his confidence. Is he confident? I really don't know...and she keeps saying he's too good to be true...well...if it's too good to be true..it likely is..
Can't wait to meet  Brian's mom..'cause apparently he broke up with his last gf b/c the gf didn't get on with mama.

Short on pants..and the real feels?
Not sure if those pants are supposed to be that short. They go to church and then out for lunch..or to a cafe where there are plates and no food is put on them. Dean keeps laughing and asking dumb questions about the tooth fairy. At dinner..where there is food on the plates but they don't eat, Rachel gets so real she looks mean.And Dean then is so honest I wanted to crawl through my TV and hug him again because he says his dad is uncoventional and unsupportive..and he never got support.
She gives Dean the rose!

She's got high slopes hopes for Peter
Peter gets his first helicopter ride..she likes Peter.she says she longs for him. They get up to Glacier 3000 and then go on a dog sled...and have some mountain time to chill. Actually, I don't think she handles the cold well, because she is always shivering.
Then back to a dinner...indoors.Peter tells a story where he broke his gf's heart when he movedout and tears were streaming down her face. Peter got weepy. Rachel wants to know if he's ready for a relatonship..he says he won't propose if he's not feeling it..and what is Rachel's reaction? She is upset and unsure! Whah? if someone isn't sure about a proposal...then he shouldn't propose. I don't get RAchel..
She gives Peter the rose...i kinda get the feeling that Rachel likes to rescue people

3:1
Adam, Matt and Eric.
That's a difficult date..just like the date card said.
She takes Matt aside...and Matt is all cute and wanting a chance..and Rachel starts bawling saying that he reminds her of herself.and she has to let him go..So does that mean she rejects herself. (and why was there a Czech car sticker on the  black good-bye van in France?)
Adam seemed like he was positive self talking himself to cover up his holes..he doesn't use the word difficult and he even gave an inspirational toast. WEll he got burned because she picked Eric...even with all the deep holes he revealed about himself.
I was rooting for Eric..i dunno if they're the best pair...but he seems so honest....and self aware.


While this was all very emotional..i can't wait till next week where the holes are gonna get real big:)

Until next week
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!

PS Will someone please find Rachel some eyelashes that fit?