They all fall down

I didn't watch the Oscars on Sunday night, but I heard it was slow and not that entertaining. I dunno..I think the majority of this episode of the Bachelor was slow..until the end where it got slow..and somewhat entertaining.

For the uninitiated...this is the Fantasy OverNight Date episode..or the FOD as I like to call them. I'm not sure why they call them fantasy to be honest. Is it the audience that has the fantasy, the imagination or mental images of what will happen? Others call me naive, but I didn't think there was always consumation (is that a word?)on the FODs...in this episode I think that its especially true.

I love the Bachelor ritual, almost as much as my I love my Americano from Transcend in the morning, but this FOD was formulaic and pretty much a snore.
Romantic scenery (Thailand) + beach + nighttime eating + date card + accepting the key =FOD

What we have in common is that all of them are falling/fallen for Sean. That adds a bit of complexity, but not a lot of layers to the episode.

The show starts with a retro video montage - that's likely to fill time that the dates lacked.

Lindsey: Market, beach, dinner, date

Lindsey said she wanted to do regular things like go to the market...and Sean made that dream come true Asian island style. There ain't no bug eating, fluroscent chick market in Missouri. As we have been told almost as many times as we have heard the word amazing that Sean wants an adventurous partner. So they embark on some bug eating. And Lindsey does it! Does that mean she'll make an amazing wife..well according to Sean's rules of conduct. yup!
Sean picks up some tacky swim trunks. They have to test them..so they have a beach date..and then a dinner date..Lindsey needs to bust out I love you....or else she's in danger of now showing her commitment.Oh..and then there is a random dance. No, not the Harlem shake, but a traditional Thailand dance...I was kind of creeped out by the protruding fingernail extensions. It was a short dance..and then the dancers trundled off..and Ashlee agrees to the date card.
yawn.

Ashlee- how many times does she says she loves Sean- let me count the ways.
The two aren't even on the date and Ashlee is on record to say how much she loves Sean. He's probably my true love she says. Probably your true love?
You know what else we know about Ashlee..she has a wall (that's she's trying to scale) and that she fears abandonment. Got it...like 3 episodes ago...but this is her schtick. Sean is helping her grown and blossom. A- a- a -ashlee...she's keeps growing and growing and growing.

The two set off on a boat..for some island and beach time..but they must get through an adventure together. They must swim through a dark cave...and remember..what does Ashlee fear...
Abandonment.
Correct..so she must trust Sean and hold on.
Huh? seriously how are the two related. She will not be abandoned in the cave..the camerapeople are there.
But Aslee wisely states..that life is like an alleyway and you don't know the outcome. Well, yeah..you know the outcome..you come to the end of the alley.
Ashlee ain't no Aristotle.

In case you didn't watch..they get through the cave..they see the light..literally. Ashlee is born again!...I thought that already happened with the Polar Bear Dip in Lake Louise..but she's a reborn born again.
This is a very spiritual show.

They have a beach date..and then miraculously they are transformed in different outfits and Ashlee has straightened hair. They are on a dinner date...Ashlee has a cooing/baby voice that is annoying and Sean and Ashlee both talk about how others are question why they are still single.
At the dinner date.. you know what's coming...the date card!! And Ashlee said earlier..she doesn't really agree with it if he is "date carding" all the other women. Suddenly the Bachelor gets very conservative. They talk about the card..and agree it is about spending time together sans cameras.

Ashlee wants to make sure that she doesn't want to make it look like a boundary is being crossed. But I thought Ashlee was about tearing down walls. I'm getting mixed up with her metaphors.

Ashlee..made sure to specify the type of ring she wanted as well as letting him know her ring size. Whoa.  Weird.


Catherine
Catherine is my favourite..she's pretty, funny but she got all self conscious. It seemed to come out of nowhere..she's stumped about why a boy like Sean would like a girl like her. ???
Catherine and Sean have a boat date..one Titanic moment . They chat on the boat..and Catherine admits she was pi$$ed at her sisters. They seriously threw her under the limo. Catherine says she talks to her friends more than her sisters..because there is jealously there. Ahh...that's too bad. That can't feel good. Catherine got into some body image issues and then tells Sean she can't believe that he is with her. Huh..is she trying for the same type of vulnerability as Ashlee. I want to old Catherine back
She mentions she's ready to jump with Sean..then they do together..in the water.

Catherine also wants to tell Sean that she is not into the FOD...but she needs to let him know that she is pretty traditional. This is a new trend in the Bachelor. Sean reassures that he wants to talk to her..
Yep. Talk...She says yes.

After all that talking..it's decision time. Sean takes some time with Chris prior to viewing the video messages. Chris is looking good..but his hair is a wee puffy in the humidity. Sean watches the videos..and looks sombre while he watches Ashlee..does this mean Ashlee's gone??????

Ceremony...
All the girls look lovely..the two conservative girls have a lot of chest going on. Catherine looked like she was channeling a flamenco dancer..and Ashlee's dress straps looked like they could not handle the weight of her chest.

Dramatic...and drawn out. First rose..Lindsey? (really...she seems immature)
Second and final rose...now this was a super long deliberation..goes to CATHERINE!!! yay!!
Oh..but Ashlee..I think I heard her rebuilding the walls as she glared at him..she didn't look hurt she looked angry...she walks past him and he says can I walk you out..and he asks to explain. She stops and he doesn't really explain..all he says that he thought she was the one in the beginning. Then he says I hope you understand. I get why Sean didn't pick her...She talked about Sean like he was her life coach. For some reason..She couldn't get into the SUV on the side she was standing by..so she had to go to the other side...and doesn't say good bye.

How long was she driving in that SUV...she finally broke into a few tears...and it looked dark outside. Meanwhile shots of Sean with his head hanging low and it was still daylight. Ashlee did a pretty good job of keeping it together. I think the next dude will be good for Ashlee..i think Sean was good a paving the way (through the wall).

What will the next week bring? The WTA (women tell all!!) I typically don't watch that episode..but there will be a lot of interesting updates.

But the week following.a 3 HOUR BACHELOR!!!! YESSSS!!!! But what is in that letter?? who is it from??!!
until then..I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!