The Rose Report: On the Wheels of Love

Just when you think the show couldn’t possibly get better…it does!!! Taking a nod from Rock of Love- Bus…the Bachelor goes road trippin’ up the California coast.

The lovely ladies are paid a visit by Chris at the mansion and told to go look outside….and they see…two RVs!!!! The girls squeal with excitement!!! The not so exciting part is that they are told they have one hour to pack. I gotta give it up to the girls…they pack great outfits with very little info to go on.

So after the girls have distilled their wardrobe to a week’s worth they are enroute to their first destination..a vineyard.

So here they set up camp. Yes camp. They have to live in their RV and Jake is just up the dirt road in his orange tent. Maybe they burned too much Bachelor budget with all the helicopter rides in the last episode, but everything was slashed and burned in this episode, the travel budget, the date budget, the food budget and even a rose…but we’ll get to that.

Date 1: One on One with Gorgeous Giggling Gia
Jake hands Gia a date card but tells her not to open it until he walks away from the RV Bachelorette camp…and she does..and it’s for her!!!!
So Gia has little time to get ready. Loved her outfit!! Who cares that she’s wearing stilettos camping..she looked fabulous. Meanwhile, back at the pup tent, Jake is getting ready outdoors. Loved the shot where Jake was shaving holding a make-up mirror (wonder if it was Jessie’s-the cosmetics manager). A short ride down the hill on his motorbike, he picks up Gia. Gia reminds me a little of Angelina Jolie. The jolie pretty part..not the kinda seems a little crazy part. Since camping is a big part of Jake’s life he wanted to see if Gia could handle it. She’s from New York..of course she could handle it…and she did with grand style. First a little hide a seek...cute idea..a little hard in a vineyard. Then Jake carried her through the vineyard –maybe stilettos not so good an idea after all. Then some mutual disclosure about how uncool each of them were in their adolescent years. Jake claimed to be Mr. Dateless in grade 9. Dude. It was grade 9. Who cares? What I find more disconcerting that he says he can’t get second dates at 31. Gia’s giggling seemed to be a bit much…what pushed this date over the edge was playing spin the bottle with two people. Then of course that was followed up by awkward kissing by Jake. After all that spinning and kissing – Jake had worked up an appetite for the special (budget) dinner he had planned. Funny thing is Jake said that she’s from New York so she was probably expecting steak but they were going to have hot dogs instead. Again, dude, she’s from New York….they have hot dog stands on every corner. Sigh. Maybe Jake’s flights don’t get to the east coast often. You know..besides her incessant giggling..i like Gia. Cool that she wants to adopt a child from China and that she joked about wanting a pot belly pig. Cute.


Date 2: The dirty date
Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. I think that’s the number of times the producers forced Jake to say dirty. I wanted to wash Jake’s mouth out with soap and send him to bed early. That’s not Jake’s MO. It sounded contrived. That’s not our Jake. Anyhow..it was a dirty date literally. First camping, followed up by a group date in the sand which ended up with a dinner of ..wait for it..fruit and wine. Seriously. That was then followed up by Jake offering up a roll down the sand dune. He wondered why only Tenley took him up on it.
The Inn-credible time continued at the Madonna Inn. What was up with that place? If someone who gets design could let me know what is appealing about that place? The girls got showered and changed only to cram into some rosey-pink leather booth in a gaudy dining room and waited to be called up by Jake to accompany him into some bizarre themed room. The first room was named the Romance room. The only romance in the room was written on the door. Cue the awkward music as Ashleigh and her shorts tried to make moves on Jake. My fave quote of the show (so far) was from Jake “Sooo…what else?”.

Next Jake called on Vienna….but she pulled a stealth move and requested to go last. So ironically Vienna passed on the Austria room and Tenly opened her heart even more (is it possible) and expressed how it is painful for a woman longing to be desired. Yup, Tenly we just witnessed that with Ashleigh’s display in the Romance room mere moments ago.

Then it was Ali’s turn…you know..everyone complains about Vienna..but I feel I must complain about Ali..all she does is pick on Vienna. It’s getting tiresome.

Date #3: Instant Death Date
Mama Ella vs Stewardess Kathryn. Ella made a remarkable transformation from the campground to Jake’s cabin date. She looked very pretty…I wonder if she smelled like campfire though. I’m not sure why Jake gets lost in Kathyrn’s beauty…sometimes I think Jake throws compliments out when he’s not sure what to say. Not a bad strategy..who doesn’t love a compliment?
You know..as much fun as I poke a Jake..you gotta hand it to him for being Straight Up (because he really wants to love you forever oh oh oh and he’s not just having fun…that was a little Paula Abdul sampling..for the 80s crowd)…anyway he cut ‘em both loose because he wasn’t feeling it. Jake truly is following his heart. Oh..this was the only date where there was a nice dinner..didn’t look like anyone touched their food though.
So he sent them both packing. Well, not literally, the anonymous baggage handlers would pick up each woman’s luggage at the RV base camp. In the limo interview, Ella ominously wishes that Jake doesn’t crash and burn in this process. Soon after, Jake throws the rose he was supposed to award in the instant death date in the fire. Oh the drama!!!!!

Cocktail Party: What would Chris Do?
The drama continued later in the party. What escapes me is what Jake sees in Corrie..well besides the awesome conversation they had that went something like this:
Corrie to Jake “do I give you give you any feelings of awkwardness”
Jake: “No”
(Rose Reporter to self…that’s because you are awkward all the time Jake)
Corrie “If a guy likes a girl he should feel nervous or awkward or on his toes”
Jake: “I’m on my toes”
CorrieL “I want you to like me”
Jake: “I do like you”
Corrie. “I like you too”
Jake: “I need to get to know you”
Corrie: “I want you to get to know me”

….and it went on…
More awesome conversations went on…one girl went on to say “I’m scared and petrified at the same time” Thankfully Christ came to clink the glass and to whisk Jake away to what I’m guessing was a modified deliberation room.
Jake is back with his charger plate full of roses to give out…and then….Stop the petals…Jake needs a consultation. The Rose Cam (thanks Mare) follows Jake out the door because he must find Chris. Chris delivers in this surprising turn of events. Chris is not just the glad handing, card giving, glass clinking bearer of “take a moment and say your good-byes”, he listens carefully to Jake..while Jake asks “Chris what would you do if you were me”. Ummm Chris is married…but regardless Chris uses reflective listening to ensure he adequately captures Jake’s angst and steers Jake to a new course of action. They will remove one rose..and Jake will send two women packing. Phew. .crisis averted…perhaps even a few tears. Jake looked like he was going to cry.
You know..Jake is taking this very seriously..and props to him for now stringing anyone along.Way to go Jake.

Next week..off to San Franscisco…..until then…I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!