Monday, July 13, 2009

The Rose Report: A low that was no ha ha

It was the Fantasy Overnight Dates part deux!! This time the setting is gorgeous Hawaii. We have Kiptyn, Reid and Ed left to vy for a oui to the date card..oh and for Jillian's heart of course!

Kiptyn: "You put your right foot in , you put your right foot out.."
Poor Jill, at this stage in the amazing journey for true love, she is still unsure about how Kiptyn feels for her..She feels 10% uneasy. It ain't easy feeling queasy. What better way to quell that nauseous feeling than to...do a Ropes Course!! Hmmm it felt like a company retreat to build trust and community. Maybe it made Jill feel better but I had to have a soda cracker or two to settle my stomach from all the kisses of encouragement exchanged on the tight ropes. Then Kip coached Jill up the totem pole..from which they both took the Leap of Faith. Yup..that's what the jump was called..to the trapeze bar. You couldn't have picked a better metaphor for this crazy circus called the Bachelorette. So Kiptyn made it..and Jill didn't...looks like she didn't have the faith, but at least she had a harness:) In keeping with this activity, Jillian wore a jumpsuit to the romantic dinner. The most alarming declaration that Kiptyn made was that "I have one foot in the relationship and one foot out of relationships" Regardless, they both leapt at the fantasy overnight card invite:)


Reid-so hard to read
Looking adorable in glasses only takes one so far..the fact that this guy can't articulate what he feels is getting tiresome. His compliments ring hollow ..when Jill asks him what he wants to do he says " I want to make out" Okay Rainer Rilke he is not...but seriously..that's what he comes up with?? He quickly recovers with " I've seen you, that's all that matters". This guy is adolescent and boring..then it continues to go downhill. Jill has an awesome date planned...he's going to see sides of Maui that he never gets to see....I say foreshadowing for the FOD. But first, they must fly in a helicopter that happens to be flown by an ordained minister!!! Reid doesn't take the minister up on the offer to marry them. Down on the ground, Reid tries to explain how much he likes Jillian by extending his arms out to show her 'how much'. Yup..being cute only takes you so far..I think Jill shoulda let Reid get off the Rocky Mountaineer up in Canada. So perhaps the romantic dinner and some wine will loosen up Reid's lips. Maybe he can rustle up a Shakespearean sonnet and use someone else's words to convey some emotion. Nope. Has anyone noticed that when Reid and Jill have serious talks, Reid always answers when he's chewing? I think he's just hoping that when he talks through his bolus of food that his words might sound intelligible. When Jill starts the 'where would we live talk', Jill starts with saying that she could move to Philly (for awhile). Reid's response...."interesting". Then Reid starts with some more reassuring words "You're really putting the pressure on me" and " you could have given me a kick in the ass in the helicopter" and the best one "I'm indecisive in life". Well, to shore up some certainty, they went for the overnight card....perhaps bubble bath, wine and rose petals help to clarify things.

Ed....Who stole Ed's luggage???
I think that the whole schmozzle of Ed's date could only be due to the fact that he was missing his luggage. The usually well coiffed and appointed Ed showed up to the date in a blue tank top and too short shorts left me befuddled. I mean there's old school, then there's just plain weird looking...and then the flip flops..did he borrow Jill's flip flops??? Maybe not looking debonair took that wind out of his sails. Ed did arrange for mom and dad to meet Jill (sweet). I think someone took Ed's parents luggage too. Mom and Dad wore shirts to match the floral and tropical locale. But enough superficiality...Ed's mom and dad were sweethearts. ..and Ed's dad shed a tear or two. Back on the beach Jill pulls an overnight card from where?? both of their bottoms where really short..but they are both very excited for the FOD. Earlier in the day, Ed professed to the cameras how much he cares for Jillian and that he'd 'pull the trigger'. Well...put the gun away...something goes awry in the date...was it the pressure, the sun (Ed did have quite a sunburn), lack of chemistry or the bad fashion that put a fizzle on the fo shizzle???

The most dramatic rose ceremony ever!!!!!!!!!!
'kay so someone did steal Ed's luggage. What was up with his outfit? The colour combination?? It was like candy striper meets maitre d'. What was Jillian going to do?? Go for Kiptyn "my only flaw is that I lack patience", or Reid who Jill can't communicate with, but she can see it in his eyes or loving and attentive Ed ...but do they have chemistry. Jill wears a long flowing dress that allowed her to sit cross legged on the bench for bachelor talks. She questions Ed about 'that night' and Ed reassures her that she has NOTHING to worry about. Thankfully...Reid is voted off!!!! Did anyone notice how long Reid must of been circling Maui in the limo?? Day turned to night as the producers tried to wrench some emotional profession from Reid. Like water from a stone I tell ya....they couldn't break Reid.. probably b/c there was no significant emotion that he felt for Jill.

Next week..we take a break from Hawaii...and it's the Men Tell All!!!!!!
Until next week...I love this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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