Every rose has it corn(niess)

Dunno about the demographics of the Bachelor blog..but the tittle is a spin from the every 80s hit by Poison (?) called Every Rose Has Its Thorn...
Yes..i liked bad music then..and umm..i still do..in 2015.
But back to this horrifically stunted yet glorious program whose producers might think that they highlight women's strength by having them run a mudder type race..whilst in wedding dresses and the prize is to spend time with a man.

Sidebar: This is the season of the lashes and accessories..but lashes seem very 2013..it really is all about the eyebrow in 2015 well at least according to my fave youtube make-up artists. Not sure how they get mascara on those lashes without marking the top of the eyelid.

Group date-gonna get  natural (on this very fake reality show) Part 1
Well the girls get all natural for the date. I think Ashely I was so busy with her lashes she forgot to put on the bottom half of her top to make it a crop top.and she forgot to button her shorts. They all get to go to a lake..more bikini time..but this time in a marshy backdrop. Some dis-robing happens. yawn. Nothing new.

Sigh..
But this is what we all signed up for. I've gotta make it quick..
Chris (the host) comes for a visit. Chris is looking like he is working out...maybe him and Jillian are pumping iron between takes. Chris is somewhat newly divorced...likely getting in some good 'me' time...maybe he's meditating..eating more vegetables and laying off the cocktails.he's looked refreshed. He announces to the remaining girls at the house that Chris's sisters will visit

The not-so-evil sisters visit.
Chris' sisters..who all look they've been to a salon for blow outs...come to visit the bachelor mansion to choose someone worthy for a one on one date with their brother. Jillian had taken a break from push-ups to catch some zeds and sun her activated glutes poolside. Someone is kind enough to wake her up for the sisters interview.
Jade gets the golden ticket (it actually was golden..not like the American Idol golden ticket which really is a yellow piece of paper).

Group date: Natural date part 2
After the lake fun..they get to stay the night..in a tent. And they all get to double up and pitch tent. Confused tenting ensues. Chris goes to help. they have a fire and they barbecue skewered meat that they probably picked up at Albertson's on the way..oh and marshmallows. Chris takes the girls on a mini cliff to have some one on one time. When Ashely approaches Chris with her open mouth to kiss hime...it reminds me of this really scary picture of an eel i had in my Bio 20 textbook of this really big mouth wide open. What ensues after  she and Chris connects mouths...it seems like there is vacuum suction there..like she could seriously suction any food item that he inadvertently aspirated.
Ashley S remains psychologically unstable. I"m not sure why the show doesn't get her help. It's not funny. Ashely I's fake eyelashes look even more creepy by firelight.
The girls think Kelsey is fake..she is all smiles around Chris..not good to be fake on the natural date.
Kaitlyn is funny and seems normal..she gets the rose. (that was put in the cooler under the raw skewered chicken..hopefully she doesn't put it near any mucous membrane).
Everyone goes to bed.
The fire is left burning.
Speaking of a burning fire..Ashely i thinks its important she tells Chris she's a virgin..but it's a fail. Chris is not picking up that she has not put out.

Back at the mansion..
Jade gets some real jewels!!! (or ones that are inflated in value due to diamond cartels)
Jade must get ready for her fairy tale date.
So I don't start to develop bad reflux..i have to be light on details.
All the girls are jealous. Jade gets a transformation room. The cool think is she get to keep Neil Lane diamond earrings and Laboutin shoes..i say..that's a score. She picks a blue dress. She gets made up ..i'm guessing not using the organic make up line that she is producing...She is wearing blue eyeliner...i thought you weren't supposed to match your makeup to your clothes..then again her 'fairy godmother' had washed out pink hair. Jade watches the part of the Cinderealla preview.
A car, not a carriage..comes to pick her up. Prince Farming is waiting for her..after he has practised some of his box step moves. He seems a bit stiff and in bit need for some Yin yoga.

They have a date..they dine..I think (did they eat?)..they have no conversation. They were both engaged!! (GASP)..really who cares. It seems like Chris gave her the rose because the sisters picked her.
Chris has one more surprise!! He gets to use his box step after all...they go to another room where  there is an ORCHESTRA!! and they get to dance on a round raised platform...Sidebar..it totally reminded me of the round table that Ivan and I polkaed on..then off of..at Festival '98...Ivan was no prince Farming..but that dude could polka!! (just not on a wobbly table at 3 AM).
Chris and Jade dance..to the sounds of the orchestra and to an excerpt of the movie Cinderella.
But back to the show..
Guess what time it is..Nope..not Hammer Time..but almost midnight..and she has to tell him..Can't touch this..because it's almost midnight. Jade seriously had to run to the car..as the clock was striking midnight...I'm actually betting that it was 10..but they just moved the clock ahead.


Another group date. Group race
In wedding dresses. In mud..to win time with Chris.
Insulting.
Jillian won..and she kissed her biceps at the finish line.
They went on what looked like a beautiful date in San Francisco. In all seriousness the second person who needs a psychological intervention is Jillian. All she talked about was competing and working out. What a snore. I'm guessing the producers cut her commentary about her diet. That  I would have found interesting.  But as my dear friend Di said..noone cares to hear about your workout. It's narcissistic and she identifies with it so much that she has nothing else to talk about.

Chris cut her loose.

Rose ceremony
the big reveal Ashely I is a virgin. Who cares. Then she has a meltdown. She is the 3rd person who needs psychological support.She wears a bad dress again.
so is Becca..but she didn't make it an issue.
Mackenzie looks like she is wearing a cute mint t-shirt but it is really a dress.
Britt asks Chris some questions..to which he has to essentially walk away from. Not cool.
Kaitlyn and Jade look beautiful.

Juliea and Ashley are gone..and so is the girl who wore a blouse and a skirt.

Julia gets a walk out from Chris who reassures her she will be found. Umm okay fortune teller.
But we should all learn from Ashely in her closing words...when a dude doesn't pick you your reaction should be.. I don't care..and go out whistlin'

until next week I (still) LOVE THIS SHOW!!!
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