Those socks tho

After watching the WTA- I feel like I wanted to skip to FODs and go right to next week.
I was sensing that he wouldn't pick Kendall (and not because I search for Spoiler alerts to the show..I like to watch the journey unfold as it should:))


Kendall's date was first..but it was like she foreshadowed the conclusion when she said things like "I hope I'm ready...I don't want to say yes if I'm not sure", then later when she told him "guys like me for novelty"...words are powerful..they can project you to a future state.
But back to Peru for a second. I did learn something about Peru...When I think Peru..I just think lush, rainforest and Machu Piccuh...didn't think there were sandy plains. Was not award of its diverse geography..must be like how some people would picture all of Croatia to look like Dubrovnik.But why would they choose the Ica region? I mean all that sand..it's like camping, but in South America.

So on this date..Kendall said she was falling in love with him and Ari said he was  definitely falling in love with her too. Does that mean Kendall is now caught up to the other girls??
(after 10 years still confused..does falling in love mean you're in love?)

Lauren
Lauren is still having difficulty speaking her mind because she is battling herself. Ari takes Lauren in a plane to look at geoglyphs..but it was like he was there solo because Lauren is speechless. Then they go sit beside some water - a pool? that looks like it needs some chemical treatment...she wants him to make her feel like she's the only girl there. Well, Lauren, that's not the way the rose petals fall on this show. But at least she's talking. Still can't be easy to know that the dude across from you will likely sleep be conversing with other women all night. He reassures her there's a reason why you're sitting across from me. That is no comfort. Basically he's just telling her she survived elimination. I'm not sure how he's so in love with her since she has a hard time with words. Well, Ari has a way with words because he says I love you to her..and she's like "arre"(giddy-up in Spanish) Arie, let's get to the fantasy suite.
ugh..it was the same suite as the one Kendall had. They might have changed a few throw cushions and put a different dessert on the table..but it was the same room. Ewww....
The next morning..they are both happy to be in each others arms...but even though it's a shared suite, Arie has to leave...to get to another date.
But those socks. The guy is an international race driver...where is that sock situation acceptable?

Becca
Those 2 have apparently an amazing connection..but something about the way Becca talks is hard to listen to. That and Becca is excited about everything. The word excited might rank up there with amazing and journey for most used words on the bachelor.
the two hop on a boat..look at a lot of birds..and chat on the catamaran...How does Arie switch from being in love with Lauren to locking lips with Becca. Becca SO wants to tell Arie she's in love with him..and does it over dinner..guess what? HE LOVES HER TOO!  She says si to the fantasy overnight date card...which happens to be..in a tent! My first thought was 'where's the bathroom'. So much sand, so little running water. But you who doesn't care? Becca. She's happy and full.

The next morning..apparently there is tent service...and they dine..on a blanket and throw pillows on sand.

In a bid to add drama, Becca's not so eloquent ex makes his way to Peru. His first stop is to see Arie..because...well I'm not sure why. Arie kept a cool head and calmly listened to Ross..who looked like he hasn't skipped leg or chest day in a long time:) After chatting with Arie..Ross got a minuscolo "bouquet" of flowers for Becca..and made his way over. They both looked like they were laughing at first..then she had to talk to him outside...hmm..guess she couldn't trust him or herself to let him in to her hotel. Sounds like Ross is a bit of a romantic..and likes grand gestures..Becca said that this is not like the Notebook. I've never seen that movie...but this all seemed more Titanic-like to me.(actually Becca and Arie tried to enact a scene from the movie) Ross tells her he's not going to try to convince her. Apparently Ross isn't that good a rhetoric.  He just figured his dashing summer suit and fresh hair cut would win her over. I can see why Becca would be excited about Arie over Ross..even though Arie moans a lot and has an annoying laugh- at least he can have a conversation. Ross shoved the flowers (sans roses) at her and said 'these are yours'.  Man that guy is charming.

The only thing that I found puzzling about Ross was how did he have minimal creasing that suit he was wearing. Maybe he brought a steamer with him?

Best line of the night: Arie's thought when Ross came Arie's suite: "Why is hotel management at the door".

Rose ceremony
Arie takes Kendall aside..and to the crying bench. He says he can't see it. Guess he didn't fall as deep. She hugs it out with Arie.and cries in the black Chevrolet (that wasn't blurred out..maybe they sponsored the sandy dates in Ica) about why she never falls in love. Ah Kendall don't force it.

Roses awarded to Lauren and Becca..and they and a caballo awkwardly watch the sunset and ponder their futures.

I wonder what will be so dramatic about this conclusion? Will Becca run back to Ross??
Until the grand finale...I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Hometowns!!!

How appropriate that homteowns were on Family Day!!!!What I think that families have mastered is how to circumvent the "can I have your daughter's hand in  marriage?" question. They all just say I trust ________ 's decision. If it's good for her, it'll be good for us.

How can Ari (or any Bachelor) expect a vote of confidence after just spending 2 hours and bringing flowers and a basket (?) of goodies. Ari also managed to skillfully dodge the questions of 'how about the other girls'. This show is so weird at times...it kinda supports open relationships with a goal of monogamy and commitment.

The girls supporting and asking each other..'who is he going to pick' is like paring down (lol paring lolol) the sister wives. I've been blogging for 10 years  but sometimes I shake my head and wonder WTF is with this show.

Were there any highlights? Well..not really...some notable parts were...

• I applaud Ari for handing rat skin and trying some taxidermy.
• Why did everyone rely on Michelle's 'energy readings'?
• What was that room/closet that they had conversations in at Kendall's parent's house-it was like a walk-in closet featuring items from "Tattered Rose" (that's an Edmonton storefront I have only seen from the street..have never been in there..but that closet had a Tattered Rose vibe)
• a round of little wieners in Weiner, haven't toasted with meat before..but maybe some of them are keto
• Tia's brother seemed like has been away awhile...incarcerated maybe, but maybe just sewing his oats, but he's back from the field to protect his little sister. But I reckon that one wrong word or glance at Jason and he's be madder than a wet hen. He seems like a loose canon.Tia's dad was all good after he grilled Ari in the Cook Shack. Ari convinced dad not  to believe everything he reads on Google. And finally..that Cook Shack patio...was that an intentional design feature. I didn't see a shack. Not sure I like what they did with that space.
• We switch from wieners to a healthier choice..apples. Becca takes Ari apple picking, then launching then dipping. so many apple activities. At the family home pastor/uncle Gary has some tearful moments with Ari. Ari says he'd go to church.and Jill Becca's mom seems like th sweetest most supportive lady.
• At Lauren's Ari was the most sweaty..but hit it off with Lauren's dad...mom on the other hand seemed super suspicious and said 'hmmmm' a lot. They had the nicest house of them all.
• More sweating at the Rose Ceremony...Ari pulls Kendall out to see if she'll feel like marrying him at the end. She can't guarantee that ...but he gives her the rose anyway!
• Tia goes home...Ari takes her to the crying bench enroute to the black car..and he's got nothing. All he can tell her is that he was up all night . Tia keeps it classy and tells him to follow his hear. Tia cries in the car wondering why no-one picks her..and this is the reason (disappointment) why she has walls up.

Next week..a two nighter...WTA and then the FOD in Peru..

Until next week I (am confused by something things but I still) Love this show!!!!!

Showdowns before the hometowns

Call me shallow, but I'd take watching this showdown for a Neil Lane ring over Olympic Rings.

This episode wins for most non-English words spoken in a  Bachelor episode.
Grazi! Prego! Andiamo!Ciao! Cia bella! belissmo! gelato!
Now that we know Arie knows how to use Google Translate, we begin some dates under the Tuscan sun.

The first russare (means snore in Italian) of a date was with the non-22 year old Becca
She low-high dress on..super flowy. Like the randon words en Italiano, there was a random bread stand with a dude with an apron. The bought a picolino bread..then to another store to buy some fromaggio and vino. They talked, then twirled.
Ari did a lot of twirling in this episode.
Ari was reassured by Becca
She gets to rozzzzzzz (oops...almost fell dormire on that date)


Lauren
Was pretty much mute again, because she's terrified. Spoke mainly in short affirming phrases. They're in the town of Luca..with walls used to 'fortress' the city. So Ari hits up google translate but not gram marly...and got all up into using a noun for a verb. I get that ripped jeans at the knees are literally and metaphorically cool, but didn't it look like Lauren cut circles out of her jeans at the knee? They grab some gelato..climb some stairs..and then play soccer with the kids..while Ari mainly kept the ball away from the kids. You da uomo Ari.

He's so attracted to her...but unsure..the moment she utters that she is into him he has to leave the table.. I'm like 'whah?" Does he need to scoreggia...Nope..he just got so nervous that he had to go walk in a circle by himself.

Lauren gets the rose.

Meanwhile..who's getting real..but Jacqueline..she's doubting her feels. She goes to talk to Ari..it sounded like she was being all emotional and complimentary...she she wasn't feeling this. This Bachelor thing was not her marmellata.

Good decision Jacqueline! Good luck with your PhD. The girls are so shocked when she goes..Becca (22 year old) calls it...my odds just went up. Some girls are crying. So weird.


Sienne..
This one didn't go right from the start. Seine looked so pretty..but the awkward carb laden family lunch of pizza and pasta...maybe didn't sit right. They go for dinner later..and I wasn't feeling any love from Ari to Sienne and she was all reassuring to him. Didn't work this time. She got sent home..but not without her scolding him for not telling her sooner.

The mini-group date:
Kendall and Ari seem so into each other. I still don't get the taxidermy thing..kendall gets the rose and then the most awkward dinner between Ari, becca and Tia...Beccau seemed super fake..and even when she was crying when she felt misunderstood...it felt forced..she even showed Ari she is getting white hair...it's like she tried to get him to feel protective, then she showed him some sign of age with some white hair, then she challenged him have faith. It seemed fake..
Glad Tia got the rose. Props to Tia for letting Becca know  Tia threw Becca under the cheese cart by telling  Ari that Becca  isn't serious.
That girl from Weiner has got balls:)


Next week hometowns..From the previews, it looks like none's family is digging the Bachelor protocol. The good news is that Becca's mom now knows that Becca is not missing but is now back in the land of social media (didn't Becca's mom report her as missing?)

yeesh..what a journey so far..
Until hometowns...
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!

I have no words

Not that there wasn't a lot to comment about..but I have my version of a man cold...
When I get a sore throat I feel like everything must stop..

Sooo..this will be a diet rose report..a rose report light.
Here's a few petals..
Hotels in Paris must be super expensive..b/c I think the girls got an air b'n b or maybe a hydro b'n b. they were holed up in a large boat. Just to add nausea to the heightened pressure.

-Chris Harrison looks like he's getting younger.
-Lauren gets a one on one date, one girls not so astutely says they get a gondola ride (wrong country, wrong boat).
-Lauren is all clammed up. Ari reveals someone broke up with him and the woman lost his child...sheesh..Lauren then opens up that she's super closed off. It's complicated. But she did say "Wow' at least 3 times during the date.

Group date
Moulin Rouge. The girls look gorgeous. The show blacks out that they are wearing thongs. This show  is so proper
-I think Becca is kinda manipulating him. I think she told him she got jealous so she'd get the rose.
And she did. Then the girls had to watch their performance in Moulin Rouge. Which consisted of walking with good posture and Becca smiling histrionically.

2:1
-Krystal looked great. Kendall really likes droppy off the shoulder dresses which I never really got behind. Things were looking good for Krystal until she told Ari Kendall wasn't ready for marriage. In Arie's limited  emotional intelligence told Kendall. Kendall took that lemon and made lemonade and reached out to Krystal to say that she must have been hurt if Krystal keeps trying to hurt people.
Ari still can't decide so they go to dinner (read they go sit at a table with what looked like pannacotta) and he announced the Kendall got the rose.
-Krystal says she still wants love...I think she shed a few tears.

Jacqueline
-she asks Arie.'why wouldn't you be attracted to intelligence?"...good question..she needs to work on her PhD..but they think there is enough to work on.
Jacqueline gets the rose...and she so reminds me of Katy Perry.


No cocktail party
We go straight to roses....I had a feeling Chelsea would go..the girls seemed Legit sad that Jenna didn't get a rose..Chelsea seemed annoying in her smugness...so...I'm happy she left.

Next week..they're off to the country where real gondolas reside...Italy...
Tuscany specifically.

Until next week... adoro questo spettacolo...and from the previews..what a spettacolo it will be!!
PS Who was Lauren talking to after the rose ceremony? a producer? an artifact on the wall? I do think Lauren's fromage is slipping off her craquelin.

This episode went so froggin' fast

Yeah!! Monday night!! And the Bachelor is on it's world tour. Next stop:

Fort Lauderdale

Well,  according the Fort Lauderdale Tourist Board it's known as the "Venice of America", due to its extensive canal systems.

Right. Okay.. on to the journey.

The intro is typical-the girls arrive enthusiastically to the new city. Typically the mood is light and they make inane comments about the environment . Chelsea "There's tons of water in Fort Lauderdale". They are thrilled with their hotel, explore it like children might you know, jump on the bed, put their shoes on the furniture.

First date: Chelsea
Tick tock
Tick-tock on the clock but the party don't stop no
Ari's gonna get serious with momma Chelsea b/c he don't wanna waste no time. They have a date..I'm not sure if Chelsea is wearing a cover-up or a square table cloth fashioned as a dress. I think she needed a larger square. They yacht, she is "Titanicing" - that's a word from one of the bachelorettes then jet ski..the girls happen to have a telescope on the balcony and watch them.  Chelsea then straddles Arie on a jetski. That seemed like a watercraft "don't".
Then they are off to a dinner in a car museum (hang on...I need to suppress my yawwwwwwwwwwn). Chelsea is thrilled with the car museum! She wants to sit in every car! Yeah right. Krystal's not the only one who is fake. Chelsea tells her story how she's was swept off her feet by an older wealthy man who wanted to mould her into his vision. Then the story gets questionable...they separate at 6 months and he leaves her for another woman..and her clothing is in trash bags.  I betcha they were Glad Extra strength ones and not the cheapo ones:) So then she makes it on her own..with nothing but everything b/c she has her child. Hmmmm wonder if there was any child support there. Funny, how she was saying how she got swept off her feet and made a wrong decision.- I feel like this might be happening times numero deux for her. So Arie is thrilled she's independent..and gives her a rose..and another concert. I was betting on fireworks..because there have already been so many concerts.

Speaking of fireworks..doesn't Jacqueline kinda look like Katy Perry a bit?

Group Date: Not so ballin' they go bowlin'
The boring group date. Group bowling, then a team competition. winner gets more time with Arie!
Blue team wins, Arie invites both teams because he wants to give everyone a chance of time with hime. Arie totes is an equal opportunity Bachelor. Krystal is a the social conservative of the bunch. She is upset that Arie broke with the tradition and rule that the winner of the Bachelor competition gets the time. She's so made she boycotts the cocktail party. There is no solidarity on Team Blue...she stays back in her room. Arie comes to her and basically tries to tell her to stay in her room..and that this may set them back. I think this is meant to make Krstyal tremble in her Adidas Ultra Boosts.

At the cocktail party, there is a lame attempt at 21 questions "What's your fave colour" "How do you like your eggs". The art of conversation is dead. You know what's not? Arie's pillow lips. Those lips are getting a workout this season. Kendall has a book of questions..and the one Arie chooses question 99 has to do with cannibalism. That and the taxidermy...not sure what Arie sees in her..maybe he's fascinated in a PT Barnum kinda way.

And there is much talk about Krystal. Talking about Krystal is the best advertising for her..kinda like Trump..everyone keeps talking about him.
But back to the show.

Becca (younger Becca) is the most adorable. Arie is still worried about her age. Ah Arie..don't worry..that'll just shorten your telomeres. Just keep the sleep and protein high...

Trying to put a little Wiener into the date
Sippin' Bud, getting perved and getting dubbed daps and hugs , mean mugs and shoulder shrugs.
That Arie..he's just trying make Tia feel at home throwing down some Country Grammar.  He brings Tia on a country date. Wouldn't it make more sense that you take the country girl on the 2:1 yacht date (Ari, the boat guy and the girl:) and take Chelsea on the everglade/homemade cabin, fried frog/catfish date.

But Arie takes her on a county-like date..they see alligators. Arie learns that Tia has been froggin- where you spear frogs in a dish (I wonder if Kendall could taxidermy amphibians). They sit on a porch..not sure where the house owner was..I think he felt like he was on that date too.

They go to a boat museum!  Tia grew up in the church, Arie has no faith..not sure if he's atheist or agnostic. But she pays that no mind..she's falling' in lurve...

Tia gets the rose!

Cocktail drama
More talk about Krystal.

Rose ceremony
Ashley and Mariq and Maquel go home...

Next week...They're off to Paris!!!!!! (the one in France)

Until next week... J'aime ce programme!!!!!!

PS so far only one Rose Report reader contacted me to tell me that she thinks a 14 year age difference is too big..please weigh in.

So happy we are sharing this amazing journey together...
K

Bachelor's back on track

The show is BAAAACCCCKKK
I think Ari had a nap..and now Bachelor's back alright!!!

Chris walks into the Bachelor mansion to announce..they are going AROUND THE WORLD....the girls are vibrating with excitement!!!
First stop...NEVADA.
Whah?
Oh right..this from the country that hosts the 'World Series'.

The girls are sooo pumped to leave the mansion..They leave the mansion with their arms flailing around in the air.
They get Lake Tahoe..to a hotel with lots of taxidermy. Kendall is pumped. Arie meanwhile is interested in the stuff on the inside.

The first 1:1 is with Siene who is so gorgeous.- and looked so fabulous in her white t-shirt. They parasail. Arie nervously laughs. Then they sit and sip champagne by the lake..and we get to see Arie's underwear.Then the go to dinner and have a conversation that's as hot as a job interview. They have multiple exchange about how happy one another is there. Siene is lukewarm on relationships...because her parents fought and she never grew up watching love stories with black women. Really..you're Yale-educated and you're bummed that you didn't see any Disney movies with black princesses.
Arie hopes that he can change her mind and that this is the beginning of their love story. She gets the rose...AND then there's a concert by LANCO..yup..you read right. I don't have a clue either.
I'm not sure what Arie was doing..but he was hip to the hopping a bit. Like a 2-step with a glide. Siene did dip nicely...she looks like she can do some serious back bends.

Group date: piss and vinegar worms
Maybe the Bachelor group date writers took a siesta and let the interns write this date.
Ari takes the girls for some survival lessons.where they had to pee in a water bottle then drink it. they successfully peed in their bottles and then Ari was going to drink it..which he did...and then another girl I think it was Tia...was ready to take a wee sip of pee..when Ari stopped her..and said he was driving apple juice.
All this is gross...and I didn't see much hand washing.but they did dig in the dirt and a few of them ate worms. So much bacteria on this date.
The grossest is that Kendall took him saide and they kissed with their wormy/E. coli breath.
Off they go in groups in 3 groups to find the hide-out. Where there is a hot tub. Hopefully some of that hot water killed some bacteria on their hands.
Krystal is starting to crack --anytime a woman spends her camera time talking about other women...she's getting close to a a breaking point.
Tia takes Arie aside..and pulls a Krystal move..cries to Arie..tells him this is difficult..but then snaps out of sadness to tell him she's attracted to him..and POOF she gets the rose.

oh...let's take a moment to wish that Maquel's grandpa rests in peace.

Maquel peaces out to go to the funeral. Nicely done Maquel.

And the person I'm most fascinated by is....
BECCA

she gets a one on one...I haven't cringed yet in any of the interactions.Likely because she doesn't care that much.which is awesome.They ride horses, hot tub then not eat dinner. Because Arie has a lot to swallow...the fact that Becca is 22. Weirdly- he states "I need a wife". Really Arie? That was a bit cringe-y..to be so needy. Arie looks super conflicted...I noticed that Becca just deflects most of his questions back to him and what he wants...so much so that she even says "why don't you just dump me and pick someone you can have a guarantee with". He admits he thought of that...But she still gets the rose..Is 14 years too big a gap...Dear 8 faithful Bachelor blog readers..do let me know.

Arie says he's boring now ..and likes to get up with the sun...Becca says she gets up early to go rock climbing. And Becca's family tends to marry early...That sold him on taking a chance on Becca.

Cocktail Party  Sudden death rose ceremony

Arie is crystal (Krystal?) clear on his choices. He don't need no cocktail party..hmm maybe it's getting late and he wants to get to bed.
He sends Caroline and Brittany home.

Did Krystal's breathy chat pre-rose sway him? We'll never know.

Will Siene become a princess in her own story? Will Ari keep Becca ? will Marik keep getting glam shamed? Will Krystal shatter?  Will Kendall keep her poised/quirky exterior and will she bring one of her animals on a date? Will Arie get enough sleep...
Until next week...
I LOVE THIS SHOW.......(and I've always been PRO GLAM)

Like Ari..I felt like going to bed early

I wasn't wearing a cardigan...but I felt like packing it in after hour 1 of the show tonight. This is likely the most boring episode ever. People keep saying Ari is such a good kisser..but I felt his laugh was getting annoying....

Here's what stood out to me...
This episode was comparing a Seattle casino resort  to Vegas.  It tries really hard, but gets bad entertainment, keeps trying to make everyone have fun....but it just seems so budget. Wrestling and dog training..so many opportunities for bad smells, too much proximity, too much panting..and previously enjoyed costumes with poor attendance at both shows.

• Kenny was in fine form..and I loved how he jumped the ropes. Good job Kenny!
• Why was Ari wearing black sneakers with a tie?
• Why did the Glow girls overact in their teaching the girls how to overact in the ring?
• The 'sexy costumes' looked cheap..as did the stage make up.
• When you're in your head and there is poo all up in your head, you are going down...and it ain't pretty- even in you are in a gorgeous environment like Napa or you create a lovely setting with a day bed an telescope..if you talk sh!t to yourself...your life  mirrors what's in your head.
• Bibiana is not crazy...she just doesn't believe in herself.
• Krystal may win for most annoying commentary/Ari expert.
• Even if you are in a beautiful place like Napa, with a guy who seems amazing, you can still have a date that feels so lonely. That Napa date had lonely vibes. The best thing about that dates was the date card You had me at Merlot. (I gotta use that one day:)
• Dogs are not always your best friend.
• Go with you gut-don't listen to what people say. Annilise shoulda hit the highway after the dog date OR when she was assigned the role as pooper scooper.
• Who is the woman with the dark liquid lip and the white dress? She aggressively makes out.
• Becca- the one who doesn't care if Ari takes or leave her is winning. Because she doesn't let Ari determine her self esteem. 
• I think Ari has small hands and gets manicures. His nails look so much better than mine. Damnit.
• A date in a trailer park, is still a date in a trailer park...even if they are Airstreams. Even if you drank cold pressed green juice out of a Mason jar..you are still in a trailer park.
• Ari seemed tired tonight..give that guy a cardigan and let him go to bed.

Make that two cardigans..I'm out.

Until next week, I LOVE THIS SHOW !!! (even if it was boring tonight)