Deja view(ed)

Well not only is Brad back on the show again, but the dates were very 'in the date box' type of thinking and Ali and Roberto make a comeback too. We've seen these dates before...the amusement park, the studio date (where the acting 'may' be used for future promotional material) and finally the princess scenario. A bit of a yawn...but to be fair, this is regular Bachelor fare and as Starbucks says (as opposed to the Coffee Bean-whatever that coffee shop is) Enjoy the Ritual.

Amusement park
Well Ashley's outfit kinda looked like Carrie Bradshaw met Tinkerbell. I can imagine how thrilled she was to learn that she would have to hike down a dirt road to a creepy carnival in her shiny outfit and glittery shoes. That amusement park looked like a scene of a low budget thriller. Eerily enough Ashely and Brad share similar addiction/absentee father stories. Brad presents her with a rose and she accepts.

The Bloodletting begins
Here we see another group date where the scenes 'may be used for promotional material' this time for the American Red Cross. Right..do you think that the Red Cross would used the tawdry scenes in a national campaign. Melissa's cougar outfit was great -nice animal print. Her earrings started to approach the size of Michelle's. Are Michelle's jewellery choices for the visually impaired? Oh.it was her 30th birthday..and it was a very angry birthday. She was sour the whole day..maybe her jewellery was too heavy. What was with Britt's about face to suck face with Brad. Too much Britt. Oh..after any Bachelor movie/commercial dates there is always the after party that is always BYOB (bring your own bikini). Melissa and Rachel start in on eachother at teh party. Melissa gets a rose for her birthday and does a weird happy dance in the pool.

The Princess date
Yup..seen this before too..the spa/fancy dress/romantic dinner/ seranade date. Brad wants to give Jackie a Pretty Woman experience..wasn't Julia Roberts a lady of the evening in that movie? Brad and Jackie don robes, rub some mud on eachother. Next off to the dress/shoe room. Not a shortage of glittery dresses. Jackie looks super pretty..and wait..insert jewellery product placement by Neil Lane. .i wonder if they ar the ring sponsoer for the Bachelor. Then off to the abandoned stadiume where Jackie reveals her lean dating resume. Brad is scared but still presents her with a rose. Then Train performs (maybe that's why the date card said.get your love on track). Train crooned Marry Me... hmm a bit premature.but if Brad picks her at the end..you bet there will be a video montage this song.

The Cocktail Party
Ali and Roberto are back to help with decisions. They both look lovely and Roberto didn't break a sweat. I'm not sure what type of psychological profiling questions they had for the girls..but apparently they helped out...I think the most sage advice either could offer would be: from Ali..'when making a difficult decision, sit down in the middle of the hallway' and from Roberto...'just dance it out brother..salsa will bring you together and release tension from the hips'. Back at he party Melissand and RAchel both cry and hug it out with Brad.but he doesn't pick either of them them. Emma gets Ali and Roberto's vote for 'here for the right reasons'. Marissa stays (yay!!). The Rockette Keltie got the boot. She went on camera to say this was her last kick at the dating can...then she says she's gonna stick to kickin'.

Well rose reporters..keep on kickin'...there will be no rose report next week as I will be away..but rest assured I will be watching it from the centre of the universe.
Until 2 weeks from tonight...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody...Womack's back ....alright!!

Please sing along the next few paragraphs to the tune of
Everybody (Backstreet's Back)...by the Back Street Boys

Oh my God we're back again (watching the Bachelor)
Brothers sisters everybody sing (yes I love watching it with Dave Mary..and Nat)
Gonna bring you flavor and show you how
Gotta question for you (will he pick one)
better answer now (Brad..you better pick someone this season)

Is he original (Noooooooooo)
Is he the only one (Yeahh...he's my favourite bachelor)

Is he sexual (well apparently for the previews of the upcoming episodes)
Is he everything you need (from all that therapy he is still needing some help with self esteem)
You better rock your body now (we know that Keltie will Rockette it out for sure)

....................
sigh...i love the BSB...
But back to my true Bachelor love. Brad.
Fellow rose report followers know that I love Brad and I think he made his decision for all the right reasons not picking someone. Well he was nauseatingly contrite about the last experience...but why pick someone if you're not ready.
His therapist may have helped him work out his issues of commitment, but Brad still should have logged in some time and worked on his feelings of self worth. I ain't no Carl Jung or Freud, but anyone who's seen a handful of Oprah episodes could tell you that.
What Brad has worked out is his fine form. Happily the producers still think the topless workout scenes are important. Did Brad have that tatoo on his back from last season...alas..maybe he feels he has a large cross to bear.

The shows start was sloooooowww. It could have been done in 10 minutes..Brad had commitment issues due to some childhood abandonment. That was sad..but wow..I guess when you sign up for this show again...you have to reveal so much. Completely unnecessary to have Deanna and Jenny back. Deanna's engagement ring has some sparkly competition..not from Jenny's...but from Deanna's own body glitter. Both girls look great..and Deanna made sure to tell Brad that she's found happiness now (b/c I guess before she was engaged she was unhappy?), but she looked sour for most of the interview...maybe she was supposed to be Jenny's character foil..or Brad's?

But back to what we really came for...who will Brad choose from.
Wow..30 women! Lots of unflattering dresses..and the craziest shoes from any season....the platform hot pink, the Oz-esque ruby red slippers..and my least favourite show..the slip on high heeled mule.
Can't go through all the ladies...
but I wonder...
-was the smack by Chantal O necessary? And why would Brad say he deserved it..yikes...i'm still convinced he's not done with Dr. Thomas Parker...and why would the Bachelor think it's okay that hitting is okay. Not cool.
-what's up with the Madison the vampire? Is the Bachelor trying to cash in on the vampire craze. Seems kinda fake.
-Will Keltie (the rockette) and Ashley (the dancing dentist) have a dance off?
-Will Raichel continue to manscape Brad? Is that literal peeling off Brad's layers? Stripping off his defences?
-Michelle looked great in her crazy tribal dress with her earrings past her armpits

It's gonna be a great show!! I'm looking forward to Brad's long jogs down the beach...

Best quote of the night:
"Its better to be home alone than to be at home wishing you were alone"
Amen sista.

Until next week..
I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Final Rose Report: That'll be a venti with an extra shot in my latte please

Yawn. Wow…that was a lotta bachelorette tonight. The grande finale and the After the Rose. Even avec PVR…oh whatta long show. Before we get to Ali’s big decision, I thought the producers were shameless in how much recycling and repackaging of previous episodes were done in order to make this show. Note to producers: I didn’t quite my job and give up my apartment for this show….so if there isn’t a need to make it 3 hours, let’s do the economy and workplaces across Canada and the US a favour and not make this show so freaking long.

So…it’s decision time for Ali. Will she finally find true love?? Her choices were narrowed down (by Frank’s voluntary exit strategy) to Chris and Roberto. And Ali’s family are aboard to Bora Bora to ‘help’ Ali with the decision making.

You know..a rose doesn’t fall too far from the rosebush. You can see how Ali comes at love from a passive stance just by looking at how her parents interact and interview the potential beaus. It was more like they were trying to see if the guys really liked Ali..rather than questioning about goals, life direction etc. When Roberto arrives to the family hut, Ali’s family is kind but not really probing of Roberto. Ali’s mom doesn’t really ask Roberto any questions and when Roberto asks her the question “what can I do to make Ali happy” she answers: I think you already are. Then she throws down some espanol and throws him a line about his heart being pure. I think he would have understood it better in English. Ali’s dad-who looks like he got his beachwear from the 70s (did you notice his platform sandals)…had a flat affect and didn’t look engaged by Roberto. Ali’s brother and sister looked very much alike…it was apparent that stylists are for the contestants only.I thought it was funny that Ali’s sister said Roberto’s name as “Roh ber (rolled r) toe”. Other words I would have liked to know if she would pronounce Mexico “Me-hi-ko”. Maybe she was showin’ some love to the Hispanic viewing population. Speaking of love, there was some more salsa love..with what else…a family salsa lesson!! That Roberto was feelin’ hot hot hot.

Chris had the lion’s share of showtime. It made me think..is Chris going to be the last bachelor standing. Chris looked lovely in his white shirt….I’m not sure if unbuttoning it that low was necessary. He came bearing fruit. What a nutritious and useful gift! (I’m not sure what was in Roberto’s bag that her brought). Chris was charming and kind and lovely. The family did cut him off at times early in the visit…when they asked about his mom…Ali’s mom said I’m a nurse too. When Chris said he was a teacher..Ali’s dad said “I’m a teacher too”. Sigh..it bugs me when people don’t listen. But at the dinner table…the family did do some active listeing about Chris’ mom. Then Ali’s sister and brother took Chris out for a communal foot soak on the patio. Odd. Then the whole family jumped into the water for family swim time. Then back in the house for another chat. That was one long family time.

To help with the final decision..ali gets a wee bit more time with each guy for a date.
Roberto and Ali spend a day on the beach, sea doo, then jump in with some stingrays. Ali, hoping not to get stung trusts Roberto with the encircling stingrays. I totally missed this as foreshadowing. I was amazed that jumped in the the de-stingrayed stingrays without a public service message of “don’t try this on your next tropical vacation’. After some surf and turf…they both head for the hut for some quality time. Roberto gives her a crafty frame with a lovely sentiment on the back of it..and I think that sealed the deal…and I didn’t notice Ali leave the hut …(which breaks bachelor protocol.the last date is supposed to be a date and not an overnighter).

Well cut to the next day..Ali…looking slightly sleep deprived heads over for her last date with Chris only to cut it off..the date I mean. Which was a very considerate move on Ali’s part. Big shout out to Ali for not dissin’ Chris. And what about that rainbow…that was actually the most moved I’ve ever felt during this show!! I love that Chris didn’t crumble over this….he’s been through worse and his true colours were beautiful like a rainbow

And the moment of truth….
I didn’t know that Roberto would propose….up to the very end…I thought he’d back out. I guess there is such a thing as love at first sight….Roberto sweatily delivered his sentiments…and Ali said she loved him..and they love eachother!! Did you feel the love tonight?? I’m not sure that I did exactly…I know Ali wants to be loved unconditionally and Roberto says she loves her..so that’s all good in the ‘hood then. According to After the Rose they will be moving in together and will be looking at getting married next year.
And that lovely Chris had one last surprise…the lovely couple was surprised with limo ride over to the helicopter which is taking them to the Catalina islands. That good ole Chris was showin’ them some California Love.

And that wraps another season!!! I wonder who the next Bachelor will be???? Well dear readers…this journey has been amazing for all the right reasons. I just want to take a moment and say my good bye to writing the rose report. Rest assured that I’ll be waiting with bated breath the next instalment of the show….but alas …I’m taking a break from rose reporting

Until next time….I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men (and mainly Craig R) Tell All: Rated Why

As much as this show is awesome, the 'tell all' episode is not. It really recycles and repackages of most of what we already know and delays what fans really want...the answer...who will be chosen.
So this episode left me with more questions than answers....
Why did Ali's stylist go sparkle crazy for both dresses?
Did Chris H's purple shirt and blue tie go together?
Why did Craig R get so much air time?
Why does Jonathan always wear a jacket?
Does anyone really care that much about Rated R?
Do you think the women in the audience hope to hook up with the jilted Bachelors?
Did anyone think Jesse's story about Jessica and Justin was way too long and completely uninteresting?
Why isn't Frank coming on the show till After the Rose?

Sigh..this show was not so great. Nice to see Kasey off the glacier and is open to love.
Kirk was the so genuine, lovely and honest in his interview. He pulled off wearing Converse sneakers in this episode.

Well..that was the longest 1 hour and 12 PVRd Bachelorette minutes of the season.

Oh! One more question...did Ali give off a vibe that she didn't pick anyone?? Chris didn't ask her if she was happy or engaged.
Hmmm....

Until next week...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This episode was a bit bora boring

Let me be frank...I was really looking forward to this episode. But it did drag a bit. First shots were of Chris, Roberto and Frank packing. Chris messy, Roberto very methodical..and Frank packed his suits...when did Frank wear suits? The boys and Ali are enroute Tahiti ...on La Taha'a to be specific....but the end proved little to laugh about.


Roberto..if you can't stand the heat...stay out of Tahiti
Seems like the only heat that Roberto can stand is on the dance floor. Either that or he had some kind of Island Fever. I like Roberto and he's adorable..but he looked pale. They couldn't stop the camera's rolling long enought so that he could swap out of a sweaty t-shirt... or mop his sweaty brow, cheek, neck, chest..you get the picture. Roberto was one sweaty dude. I'm sure he was overjoyed to see he was up for a helicopter ride and to a lagoon without running water...or an absorbent towel. Back from the lagoon , Roberto freshens up and wears a long sleeved t-shirt!!??? He professes his love to Ali after much hemming and hawing..I think the fluid loss from his body impaired his ability to concentrate...but he did decide to accept the offer to spend more time together. Apparently there was a key to the hut...never saw any locks on the hut sliding doors. I'm sure it got a little caliente when they were getting to know eachother better.

Chris...pearls of wisdom
Out of all the contestants in the history of this show..Chris brings so much depth, meaning and wisdom to the importance of love in one's life.
Chris seemed to adapt well to the Tahiti heat. He looked rested, refreshed and excited to see Ali. They did Islandy things...yacht, jumped off the yacht to swim over to the Island...and in the mean time someone passed them water socks..and then some dry clothes waited for them on the island.then they found some pearls! Were those planted?? Or is Cape Cod Chris used to clam digging that he naturally forages for shelled creatures? He referred to the banana leaf picnic similar to the clam bake? I've never been to a clam bake, but I didn't get the parallel. So the picnic was romantic and Chris eagerly accepted the key to the fantasy hut..where he professed his love. He might be too enthusiastic for Ali..she seems to go for dazed and confused guys.

Frank..I left my heart in San Francisco..oops changed my mind..I meant Chicago.
Frank....What's in a name? He was anything but. The deception. Who knew that he was confused..I thought Frank was just insecure all this time. So to clarify, he's going to go to Chicago and talk to his girlfriend to see?? What I wasn't sure. So Frank gets to Chicago and seems to have to cross a lot of streets to get to his girlfriend. I think Nicole lives in a Holiday Inn. So he gets to her..and she answers the door....gasp!...wearing yellow!!!!! The nerve!! So he blabbers on about how he's got a great connection with Ali (not a cool thing to say to your ex), but he redeems himself (right) to say that he would think of Nicole every night. So after a few minutes of me thinking that Nicole was mute, Nicole speaks..and she misses Franks kisses ..and they hug and hold..then Frank tells her what a hard job he has to go to Tahiti to tell Ali everything. Did he expect Nicole to console him? Frank is so annoying and what a narcissist. So Frank gets to Tahiti to break the bad news to Ali and what was so much more annoying was that Frank wasn't comforting to Ali..all he could do is parallel cry with her. What a child! Ali was pretty eloquent in her retorts to Frank..but they seem alike..both consumed with their own issues of who will love them and are the loving for the right reasons. Ali has to leave, but a few short steps down the beach she is overwelmed with the need to sit in the sand...kinda like when she gave Jake a melodramatic good-bye and had to plant herself in the hallway. Chris Harrison comes to comfort her looking cool and pressed matching blue shirt and is able to offer her comfort and support of a good friend.

Do you really accept my rose?
Well...not really a need for a rose ceremony, but we have time and traditions to fulfill. Ali cleverly uses this as an opportunity to communicate that Frank was not for her and she really wants the two men here. Nice move on her part not to take the important ceremony and sully it with negative comments about Frank. Good work Ali.
Roberto did pick a shirt that made his sweating less prominent..but he was still sweating up a storm. Chris looked calm and collected and both men happily accepted his rose. Ali then announces they are going to stay on the island. Roberto looks happy on the outside..but on the inside he's probably hoping they sell Gator-ade on island.

Until next week..when we meet Ali's family..I love this show!!!!!!!!!!

Love is the only reality

Oh my aching heart. This episode was filled with a little too much genuine emotion. Maybe the show could warn the viewers with a Rated R for Real. Yikes!

Four for fighting...

It's time that Ali visits the American Towns....the four hometown dates. First up to the plate is Roberto...

Robert-oh..is oh so cute. I could learn to love baseball if everyone was as adorable as Roberto in a baseball uniform. The stirrup style pant is not a flattering cut on most..but he looked most smashing. So Roberto picks her up on campus..and several times after that he swings her around in the air. Ali did a lot of jumping on this date...jumping up and down when she saw him..jumping when she saw him in uniform..and then some more hip to the hops when she was jumping around after the ball. What I don't understand is what happened to Roberto's career. The guy is in he 20s..what happened? Maybe life as an insurance agent throws less curveballs.
Back at salsa HQ, I mean Roberto's house...there seems to be a lack of first names. I counted two Olga's and two Robertos. Roberto Sr. seemed like he was going to be difficult...sweet how he called his son a real prize (well certainly he has the hardware to show for it in the trophy room). Olga Sr. gave Roberto Jr. a spanish blessing..and what better way to end the date that with...a group salsa dance!! Ah yes..Roberto did promise in Lisbon that there would be more moments like this.

Love is all around ...wet wet wet
Yup..at Chris L's hometown...there's a lotta love. Oh gosh...I nearly cried three times..and really this show is not usually this emotionally wrenching. I'm not sure how Chris is doing with his grief...but I just felt for the guy. So he's back in the Cape on 'his beach' with his cute dog Jenny. Ali arrives, looking very cute, for a very wet walk along the beach. Back at Chris' house they look at pictures and share hugs. Chris' dad comes, then the family. That is one seriously supportive and loving family. Almost felt a bit for Ali...like it was a lot of pressure to make Chris happy. Miraculously dinner appeared even though Ali and Chris didn't make it and dad wasn't home. Chris dad got very Viktor Frankl in his reflection "love is the only reality". Nice sentiment and someone pass the Kleen-ex...this juxtaposed to last week's Jake/Vienna shallow exchange had put me on an emotional rollercoaster. Well..to end this hometown on a sappy note and much more bachelorette-esque..Chris takes up Ali in his tower that is in his backyard. Right....this is the reality show I know and love.

Back to Life....However does Kirk want Ali
Over to Green Bay we have sporty Kirk with a zest for life. He runs to meet Ali and is thrilled to see her. He first takes Ali to see his dad, step mom and adopted sister. Mere seconds after coming through the front door, Ali is asked if she wants to go the basement....and that's where we see some excellent taxidermy. I'm not down with mounted deerheads but they did look remarkably lifelike. What was more off putting was the sharing of freezer space...foodstuffs alongside the soon to be stuffed. Over to Kirk's mom place..all I can say is pass the cheesey potatoes!! Grandma was clear there were two types of potatoes! Kirk's mom seems really sweet...a little in need to relinquish the 80s makeup..but so sweet and supportive of Kirk. And Kirk divulged to his sister..with the 90s style hair..that he was ready to settle down with Ali.

Save the Best for last

Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon
I see the passion in your eyes
Sometimes it's all a big surprise
'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish
You'd tell me this was love
It's not the way I hoped or how I planned
But somehow it's enough

And now we're standing face to face
Isn't this world a crazy place
Just when I thought our chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

I'm not sure what I love less this song..or Frank...What is up with Ali liking Frank? Is he a super awesome guy but the producers make him to be an insecure, emotionally labile, insolvent and uncertain guy? Is the power of editing that strong...or is love blind, deaf and dumb? I don't get the appeal of Frank. I don't get the apparel of Frank either. We've seen his cardigan before...but what was with the low cut drapey white tank top? Did his mom's laundry get mixed up with his? His parents seem emotionally stable, upbeat and fun. This apple fell really far from the tree but still lives in it.

Kicking Kirk to the kurb
Well...we all know the drill three roses, four guys..one has gotta go. Ali was really not feeling this rose ceremony...i almost thought she'd pick a rosette off her dress and give it to Kirk as a parting gift. Kirk was upset and angry..did you note that he didn't hold her hand. His parting words were curt, but not mean. He was also nice enough to produce a hug for her...which was selfish of her to ask..I mean she had 3 hugs waiting for her in the ceremony room. A litte ego came out when Kirk said usually was doing the cutting of ties in relationships but this time the tables were turned...that karma is a chameleon. It comes and goes. Maybe he should have worn a Yellow tie?

Until next week (in Tahiti!)...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shortest Rose Report Ever

-Lisbon is beautiful
-The spontaneous salsa dancing with Ali in the middle of a road was a bit much...even for Roberto. And he promised her there would be a lot of moments like this....whah? like in Walmart, Bed Bath and Beyond, Safeway???that would get weird.
-Does Chris L really like Ali? He seemed so awkward in this episode..the bracelet gift was very sweet...nice to see he waited to give her the bracelet. Too bad he was awkward because he's really funny.
-Frank announced he lived at home...and Ali was okay with it!! Y'know why?? She gave up her apartment to be on this show...she knows what it's like to be homeless.
-Happy to see Ty gone....who picks his shirts?? the stylist for Rascall Flatts??
Loved her dress for the rose ceremony:)

And as if the Bachelorette wasn't enough....there was a Jake/Vienna tell all.....



Jake Interrupted
Oh my....I felt like a fly on the wall in the office of a relationship therapist. I hope Chris Harrison renegotiated his contract over the years...he's gone from glass clinking, final rose announcing, Fantasy Overnight Date card writing...to probing interviewer....(move over Larry King...this may be your replacement..thx Mare)
That exchange was hard to watch..initially I was on Team Vienna...only b/c Jake seemed so fake...but when she announced that she was staying in LA she lost some of her cred. What was very disconcerting was how he sternly told Vienna not to interrupt him. The guy has some serious issues...well that was evident when he cried after being booted off Dancing with the Stars. Vienna...sounds like she needed some TLC from Jake...she did need some blending pointers on her eyeshadow. Oh well....another failed pairing....why did they insert it at this juncture....is this some foreshadowing that Ali does not find love????

Until next week...I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!