That's Amore

Just when you think there can't be more drama..it's possible! From the valleys of Sonoma up the winding streets of San Francisco, the amazing journey to true love can be fraught with risk, embarassment, romance..and a few surprises!

The road to true love on the Bachelor is fraught with cliche and lack of originality. One of the things of I love though about this show is the ritual. Chris, the roses, the candles, cocktail parties, cocktail party dresses, good and bad fashion..and of late...there is a smattering of product placement. Ritual is good..cliche gets tiring. One thing they don't spend money on is a creative team of writers. The dates at this stage typically involve 1)a challege that typically involves height, conquering fears (as a test of commitment, compatability),reward that follows includes romance and appetizing food that is largely untouched 2) a group date that involves some type of exhibitionism and embarassment-which may be eased by being part of a group...interesting sociological approach 3) the romance which involves a unique transportantion method, some type of jewellry, a private concert by a band trying to boost top 40 radio play (to a song that might serve as the their exit song). So here is what the Bachelor produced this week:

1. The Challenge: Ain't no Bridge high enough
Well...we all know if you can conquer a fear, you can conquer love. Emily is lovely, sweet, intelligent and a budding epidemiologist..but not an entymologist by any means. That girl speaks in cliches. Ben by no means is a poet (but he kinda dressed like one on his dates...you're not in Sonoma anymore Ben..) But back to the bridge. someone decided that if Emily can scale the bridge, she and Ben can get through anything. Ben said whilst on the bridge.."What can I do to help her"...and he gave her a kiss? Apparently that did fortify her (but again not her vocabulary)..The bridge is a something that brings two things together..and it brought her and Ben together. Right. Well...nothing works up an appetite more than scaling a bridge..so Ben and Emily take a meal I mean sit near food alfresco. Doesn't Ben look like he's wearing lipgloss. And what was with the weird anecdote about her being paired with her brother online dating. Cue awkwardness and chirping birds. Emily did look very pretty in purple. Emily gets the rose and to celebrate the night.fireworks of course!

Lose the leaf list
In the mean time..Date card date card!!! Group embarassament, I mean group date time. Blatant product placement with the Honda CRVs. What was the point of having the girls' photo on the digial display.
Well, nothing i like to do more on a date than ski in a bikini! Yeah!! That might be on Ben's Leaf List. Skiing down the streets of San Francisco...maybe Ben harvests more than grapes on his Sonoma farm..that's one wacked out bucket, I mean leaf list.
Has anyone heard of a leaf list? After skiing there is a party for the ski bunnies. There is serial kissing..ewww...Where's Emily with the antibacterial mouth spray.
Does anyone notice how fantastically Rachel does her eyeshadow?? Really I wish I could have a tutorial. Not so hot were Blakely's shoulder duster earrings..more feathers. A lot of birds are harmed for Blakly' accessories.

Meanwhile back at house/hotel arrest central..the last date card is awarded..to confused/conflicted Britney.Britney's not feelin' it...and frankly neither was I..I'm guessing Ben wasn't either this was just more drama. But gotta give it up to Britney for recognizing the end was near and she left with dignity..better thanpassing out or weeping openly at the rose ceremony. Gramma will be proud.

Not the first impression, but the lasting impression
did anyone get that? Well, it was repeated to make sure that we heard the clever turn of phrase. I think the writers worked overtime for that one. Lindzi got the runner up date card. (doesn't she look like a cross between Jennifer Aniston and Sheryl Crow?)I noticed she didn't get the Tiffany-esque San Francisco key as was presented to Britney I thought the key necklace was 2010...Let the romance begin. I did note that Lindzi did not wear dirt as make up..far from it. She looked lovely. I think Ben thought she could use the 300 calorie ice cream cone...Lots of romantic surprises for Lindzi..Tram car! Ice Cream! Private concert (with awkward dancing by Ben, interspersed by awkward Ben kisses in front of the band), Private bar! Piano playing by Ben! Fun ! Fun ! Fun! And Lindzi got the rose even after she told Ben the worst breakup line "welcome to dumpsville population you"...hmmm what kind of jerk would write that. And Lindzi said she was really in love with him. Love is blind..she should wipe some of the dirt make up out of her eyes....


Spoiler alert...strange women coming for Ben...

This is where the show hit an alltime low. And showed how mean humans can be.Okay..so maybe Shawntel came out of nowhere..but she didn't parachute into the set out of nowhere...the Bachelor show let her come on. The anger, bitterness, cattiness was misplaced. Direct it toward Chris or the producers. I guess you don't bit the hand that's holding the camera angle.

Oddly Shawntel professes her intense like and chemistry for Ben. Ben is shocked...cliche and speechless. This put the Bachelorettes tailfeathers in a not. Emily was the only one who tried to be fair. The cocktail party is deemed over..and teh selection begins. Courtney is becoming less becoming as her meanness resurfaces. Elyse (the personal trainer with the oddly shaped circle necklace) nearly lostit...maybe she had some 'roid rage. Now the odd thing is is that Nicki got all nutty about Shawntel's appearance..isn't Nicki from a previous season?? Was it London Calling?? She did say that Nicki rode in on her high hearse..which really didn't make sense..although it was alliterative and a good play on words...valiant effort at clever. Speaking of not being clever..during the rose ceremony- Courtney's reluctant yet un elegant acceptance highlighted that her beauty stops at the epidermis...(especially when she referred to Shawntel as What's her butt)

Whoa...there was a medical episode at the end of the ceremony. Clearly Emily is a PhD not an MD...after Erica nearly passed out Emily ran to get....a pillow!!! Jaclyn was busy crying..and Shawntel was just trying to maintain eye contact.

Ben witholds the final rose..and Shawntel is sent packing..well...she exited the hotel sans suitcase.

Phew..that show was emotionally exhausting...hopefully the girls will benefit from a lower smog index and with some clean air and country livin' in Utah!!!

Until next week....I love this show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS..did anyone watch the outake...of the lip tatoo with Amore tatoo???